


Premonition

by RubyFiamma



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: 8059, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Coma, Dark!Yamamoto, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Major Character Injury, Office Sex, Original Character(s), Public Blow Jobs, Sickness, Smut, Swordplay, TYL, Time Travel, Unbeta'd, Violence, mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 17:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 26
Words: 55,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2317529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyFiamma/pseuds/RubyFiamma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamamoto loves Gokudera more than the mafia, more than baseball and more than life itself. When Gokudera gets sent out on a solo mission and doesn't return, Yamamoto can't remain calm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Currently being updated. 
> 
>    
> A canon divergence in an alternate universe where the Shimon and Curse of the Rainbow arcs never occurred, nor do they use dying will flames or boxes. This fic also features Adult!Reborn because somewhere along the timeline, the Arcobaleno curse was broken. The story is set in Sicily, Italy; ten years after the future arc. 
> 
> **Disclaimer** I sadly do not own any of the characters, canon plotlines or anything else relating to Katekyo Hitman Reborn! 
> 
> The OCs naturally belong to me.

 

* * *

Yamamoto lets out blood curdling cry, jolting upright into a sitting position, his heart pounding against his ribcage so hard he can hear it. He squeezes his eyes shut in hopes it'll erase the macabre images from his mind.

"Hn... Takeshi?"

Yamamoto, breathing heavily, looks down to see an alabaster hand wrap around his bicep and he turns to see sharp green eyes filled wide with concern. He exhales a long sigh of relief when he's brought back to reality, the comfortable and safe reality that had his entire world - that which was Gokudera Hayato - still warm and bright eyed instead of the all too vivid nightmare that had plagued him almost every night for a week now.

"Jesus Christ. Are you alright?" Gokudera asks.

Yamamoto cups his cheek and tries his best to give him a reassuring smile. He must have failed because he sees Gokudera's brow wrinkle and his pale lips twist into a frown.

"I'm fine," Yamamoto answers, his throat dry and his voice a little hoarse.

"You scared the shit outta me," Gokudera says, falling back down onto the goosedown pillow.

Yamamoto can feel his heart begin to steady and he knows he's just had a nightmare, it isn't reality but still he needs tangible proof. He needs to touch him and taste him to assure the beautiful man beside him isn't a mirage. He turns inwards and lies down beside Gokudera, wrapping an arm around his warm and naked chest.

"I'm alright now," he says into the crook of Gokudera's neck when he moves in, taking a long leg and draping it over the lower half of Gokudera.

"It was that nightmare again, wasn't it?" Gokudera asks, his voice strained and paper thin. 

"Mhm," replies Yamamoto, brushing his lips against the ivory skin.

"Why won't you tell me about it? Don't you think you should?" Gokudera pauses. "It's not like I really care, but your screaming is waking me up every night and then I can't get back to sleep and then I'm miserable and can't function the next day and the Tenth gets worried... Ugh, it just pisses me off."

Yamamoto chuckles at his rambling. "Sounds like you care.  _A lot_."

"Idiot. Stop breathing on my neck like that."

Yamamoto smiles to himself and traces a line with his finger along the planes of Gokudera's flat stomach. "Why, is it bothering you?" he asks playfully.

He continues to run his finger down to Gokudera's abdomen and stops where the blankets cover him. He can feel Gokudera shiver and draw in a small breath.

"No," he breathes, light and subtle.

Yamamoto leans in and smiles behind the kiss he plants on Gokudera's neck. "You want me to stop?" he asks daringly, nipping at his earlobe.

Again, another hitched breath. "N-no."

Yamamoto grins triumphantly and curls his finger under the blankets where he traces down the faint patch of hair that leads to Gokudera's stiff erection. He brushes his fingers against it, feeling the twitch in response.

"Mmm," he hums into Gokudera's ear. "You're already  _so hard_."

He gets a heavy huff of hot breath and a low growl in return. He likes to tease Gokudera. It's his way of punishing him for all the times he can be a jerk, even though Yamamoto loves that part of him just as much as the rest of Gokudera Hayato.

He runs his finger down his shaft, along his scrotum and along the space between his cheeks where he runs it up to his scrotum and back down a few times. Then he stops.

"Ah, I'm so tired. Sorry I woke you, Hayato! We should sleep now right? Wouldn't want Tsuna worrying!" Yamamoto says, taking his hand from beneath the blankets and adjusting himself so that he's eye level with Gokudera. He peeks out through one half closed eye to see Gokudera's pale skin flushed pink and his lips forming a small pout.

 _Such a kissable mouth_ , Yamamoto thinks, can't help the grin that splays his lips so wide that his face hurts.

"You fucker," Gokudera growls, rolling over and pinning Yamamoto underneath him. It makes Yamamoto laugh and he shifts so that Gokudera is straddling him, catching the gleam of green behind silvery black lashes while he runs his fingers through the other's long and shaggy silver hair. The shadows play off the curve of his soft pink lips and his pale, flawless skin radiates in the moonlight.

He places his hands on Gokudera's jutted hipbones and grins. "Oh? You don't care so much about sleeping anymore, do you?"

"Shut up, stupid," he says with a grin and leans in to crush his lips onto Yamamoto's. Gokudera's lips are warm and he tastes like fire and smoke when Yamamoto licks against the roof of his mouth. Gokudera likes to suck on his tongue and it makes Yamamoto's toes curl every time he does it. He hums delight against the other's mouth and Gokudera's biting at his bottom lip and Yamamoto can't help but grind Gokudera's ass down on his cock. Gokudera's breath comes out in short huffs and he sits upright, rolling his hips to get a better grind. Right now there's no penetration because sometimes just the friction feels  _so good_.

Gokudera tilts his head back, his neck to the ceiling and lets out a gravelly groan. He wraps his hand around his own cock and strokes it slow. Yamamoto's thoughts derail and his mind is heavily hazed as he lies still and watches Gokudera pleasure himself. He likes it, he likes watching Gokudera get like this, so lax and free, so full of unchastened lust. But sometimes it gets too much, he has to feel Gokudera, he wants to wrap his arms around him and just make love to him, he'd be content just staying at home in bed with the other every day for the rest of his life but he can't seem to shake the fear and the dread and all the other residual emotions left from his nightmare.

He slides his hands up Gokudera's back, feels the ribs of muscle from countless years of training and numerous battles. Yamamoto pushes him forward, wrapping his arms around his neck, entangling his fingers in that long, soft hair and bringing up his chin so that his lips mesh with Gokudera's. He brings his free hand up to Gokudera's face, sliding his fingers along his cheeks and lips, where Gokudera takes two in, sucking on them like he did Yamamoto's tongue. Gokudera watches him, his eyes shuttered but full of defiant fire, while Yamamoto's fingers glide in and out of his mouth. A moan burns across Yamamoto's tongue as his stomach swoops like he's free falling at thirty thousand feet in the air. His heart is racing and cock is twitching and everything is bleeding out into a white haze. 

He pulls his fingers from Gokudera's mouth, disappointed in the loss of heat but now spit slicked, he reaches behind Gokudera and pushes both fingers in. Gokudera hisses, biting down hard on Yamamoto's collar bone. It stings a little but he hardly notices. Yamamoto doesn't apologize, instead he drives them up to their second knuckles earning a keening sound ripping through Gokudera's throat, and his teeth sinking in hard enough to break skin this time. Yamamoto groans, and works at stretching out Gokudera, crooking his fingers against the walls of his entrance.

"F-fuck Yama--" he snarls, biting Yamamoto hard in the juncture of his neck and shoulder. Yamamoto tugs hard on his hair, jerking his head back so that his neck is taught and he licks a hard stripe up to his lips as he continues to finger fuck Gokudera.

"Oh... _Jesus_ ," Gokudera moans. Yamamoto can't take his eyes off the slender curve of Gokudera's neck and swallowing hard, he resists the urge to sink his teeth in. Static heat has broken his concentration, and he feels like he's no longer in control of his actions.  

Yamamoto untangles his fingers from Gokudera's hair and pulls his other set of digits out, but he doesn't waste any time gripping the fleshy mounds and spreading them apart and thrusting his hips and moves into Gokudera. Yamamoto grips his hips, hitches his own again and brings Gokudera down hard as he hilts deep. Some kind of strangled cry escapes from Gokudera but Yamamoto can't quite hear it and he reaches out over Yamamoto's shoulders to grab the bedsheets. 

"Fuck," he whimpers, and when he leans in, Yamamoto takes the opportunity to tip his head up and press his lips to the base of Gokudera's neck. He kneads the flesh with his teeth until he's satisfied there's a red and telling welt in the pale skin.

Sometimes Yamamoto snaps and a more darker Yamamoto Takeshi emerges, sometimes taking over and making him forget himself. He kind of blacks out when this happens, takes a back seat and lets this other persona take over and it's helped keep him alive, it's helped keep his friends - his family alive. It seems happens when he's on the brink of death or when someone he loves is in trouble and it's only been happening for the last few years or so.

He's not sure why now but he loses himself here and now, as he digs his nails into Gokudera's thighs, holding him steady as he pounds into him, he's not even aware of what's happening really. He's too focused on instinct, especially when Gokudera snarls and looks down at Yamamoto, eyes narrowed and ablaze and the soft of his cheeks are wet. He's gone still with a hand gripped tightly in Yamamoto's hair. 

"Takeshi _,_ what the _fuck,_ " he demands, glaring down beneath the fringe of silver hair that does a pretty good job at obscuring the fact that Gokudera had been crying.

Yamamoto's senses come rushing in all at once and he looks up at Gokudera, who is pissed and perplexed and _frightened_. His eyes go wide with realisation. 

" _Shit,_ " Yamamoto gasps, grabbing Gokudera's arm to bring him down. He goes with little protest or resistance. Guilt churns his stomach and makes his heart ache and he kisses Gokudera's cheek several times while he pleads to be forgiven. Gokudera grabs at Yamamoto's face, kisses the corner of his mouth and slips his tongue through Yamamoto's partially parted lips, licking against the other's tongue. He pulls back and drops a single kiss against Yamamoto's lips.

"I guess that means I'm forgiven then?" Yamamoto asks, reaching up and tucking a lock of hair behind Gokudera's ear. 

"Idiot. I like it rough sometimes too, just don't get all fucking spacey on me."

"Fair enough," Yamamoto laughs. 

"You really are a fucking idiot." He pushes off Yamamoto's chest into an upright position and rolls his hips, Yamamoto still buried inside him. "But I guess I still love you." 

"I love you too -- always." Yamamoto allows him to set the pace while he marvels the man he's so lucky to have. He sildes his hands across pale skin, over the curve of Gokudera's body where he sets them to rest on the other's hips, resisting the urge to thrust just yet.

 "Yeah, that's what you always say."

"Well it's true."

Gokudera doesn't retort, instead he continues to move, slow, his eyelids fluttering and his mouth drops open, and the gusts of air he breathes out land on Yamamoto's skin and cause him to shiver. He groans, watches as Gokudera continues to slide over his cock and his breathes are coming harder, his eyes are tightly shut and Yamamoto curls his fingers around Gokudera's length. He can feel the instant shudder, he hears the groan of relief that erupts from Gokudera's lips and he keeps stroking up, sliding his thumb over the other's swollen head. 

He starts to thrust up every time Gokudera comes down, watches as Gokudera bares his neck to the stucco ceiling of their bedroom once more, his silver hair gleaming in the soft moonlight that streams in through the bay window. 

"Fuck Takeshi," Gokudera moans. "Harder, fuck me  _harder._ "

"Hayato," Yamamoto chokes, the breath in his lungs going stagnant and his heart stalling out on a beat. "You're so beautiful." He's gripping Gokudera's hip hard enough to leave bruises as he fucks up into him, and everything is starting to go hazy. 

"God," Gokudera gasps, and Yamamoto can see his stomach going taut, he knows Gokudera's close. He's stroking faster, out of sync with his thrusts but everything's become erratic now, even their breathing.

"Come here," Yamamoto whines, tugging Gokudera down and then he's leaning in, setting his forehead against Yamamoto's.

Yamamoto brings his knees up for support, tilts his hips and uses one hand to push Gokudera down on his shaft while the other hand still jerks Gokudera's cock. 

"I'm gonna fucking come," Gokudera groans, sounding wrecked and Yamamoto's proud but too gone himself to even really notice, and that's it, he's moaning, "Come for me, Hayato," and Gokudera's pulsing laces of sticky white into his hand and onto his chest. His ass is sucking Yamamoto's cock into radiant heat, and Yamamoto's seeing nothing but white when he comes, spilling heat inside Gokudera in spasms as the waves of his orgasm ripple through him. 

Yamamoto's dazed, but Gokudera doesn't move for a while either. He stays boneless atop of Yamamoto, head tucked into the crook of his shoulder until the breaths he exhales are nearly even. 

He turns his head and presses a kiss to Gokudera's damp forehead. "I love you, Hayato."

"I know," Gokudera mutters with a lazy grin. He finally rolls off, finds his place beside Yamamoto once more and tucks himself along Yamamoto's frame. It's hot and they're sticky, but Yamamoto is blissfully comfortable.

Gokudera's heart is thudding rapidly, loud enough for Yamamoto to hear despite it being several minutes since they've finished, and he's never known if Gokudera can hear it too, but he always wonders if the other can hear that his heart beats the same way too. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

 

"Hayato, how many times do I have to ask you to not smoke at the breakfast table?"

"Fuck off," Gokudera grunts, not looking up from his newspaper. It lacks any barb, due to the early morning frottage that's bled out any irritation that lingered from his usual misery of having to be awake early on a day off. He loves Gokudera in the mornings, his hair is always a tangled mess and his skin a rosy pink from left over sleep. And yes, he wakes miserable but once Yamamoto has worked him loose limbed and hazy, Gokudera can't usually muster a single coherent statement, let alone an insult that is meant to be offensive. Not that he does that on a regular either, and Yamamoto has grown accustomed to whatever endearing insults that are never meant to hurt him over the years he and Gokudera have been together.

He sighs as he places a plate full of various fruits and two buttered slices of toast in front of the other. He knows Gokudera isn't likely to eat most of the fruits, but he's content with knowing Gokudera will likely pick at some of the assorted fruit on his plate and eat the toast. It's hard to cook for Gokudera sometimes, when he can be rather finicky about the textures and smells and looks his food have. It's even harder in Italy, where Yamamoto isn't entirely familiar with the ingredients and there isn't the easy comfort of home. He at least knows Gokudera will eat sushi and other foods made by himself and the girls.

He reaches over and plucks the cigarette from Gokudera's mouth and shoves a sliver of strawberry in it instead. Gokudera huffs protest and glares daggers while he chews vigorously.

"Hey you bastard, I was smoking that!" he gripes when he's finished. 

"Eat," Yamamoto says, dropping a kiss to Gokudera's forehead before turning to chuck the cigarette into the sink where he runs water over the butt. He hears Gokudera grumbling behind him and he can't help but smile, and when he turns to sit at their breakfast table, Gokudera is smiling too, behind his newspaper. 

"So what do you want to do today?" Yamamoto asks, reaching for his coffee cup.

Gokudera shrugs and sets down his newspaper. "Dunno. I have some paper work to catch up on. I have to draw up the terms of the negotiations we worked out with the Esposito family last week."

"Hayato. It's our day off."

"That doesn't mean there isn't still work to be done, idiot. Work doesn't take a vacation just because we do."

"You wouldn't have taken the day off if Tsuna hadn't told you to stay home," Yamamoto says pointedly. "Even he says you work too much."

Gokudera pops an orange slice into his mouth. "The Tenth is just worried I won't be efficient if I don't at least take some time off here and there --"

"Hayato," Yamamoto calls softly, reaching across the table to fold his hand over Gokudera's. "I finally get some time alone with you. Can you just put off your paperwork until tonight?"

The other doesn't pull away, instead he stares over the top of his glasses, attempting a scowl until he can't anymore, because he's ducking his head so that his hair curtains his face to hide the pink that's likely splashed across his face. "Don't expect me to slack off all day, idiot. But I suppose we could... maybe head out to the beach." 

Yamamoto's heart stalls out when Gokudera lifts his head and the heat Yamamoto suspected is in fact riding high in his cheeks. He's not looking at Yamamoto but it doesn't stop Yamamoto from getting up and leaning over the table to pull Gokudera in for a kiss. His hand travels down the curve of Gokudera's neck, rests against his collar bone so he can feel the other's pulse under his palm while he licks the remnants of rich coffee off Gokudera's lips. There's hands in his hair urging him closer, and without moving out of Gokudera's grasp, Yamamoto manoeuvres around the table, laughing brightly as he goes. Gokudera's laughing too, and then Gokudera's hands are twisting out of his shirt and grabbing at his hips. He's tipping his head up to meet Yamamoto as he leans down, and he's saying something about being lazy and staying in bed all day and Yamamoto can't hear anything over his own dreamy delight. His mouth is on Gokudera's again, his tongue is threading past the other's warm lips and tasting the saccharine citrus against the backdrop of bitter caffeine. 

Yamamoto's hand tangles in Gokudera's hair, and his wrist bumps against the platinum rope that holds the engagement ring he gave Gokudera the year before. He can recall the conversation as if it were merely hours ago, and it makes him giggle against Gokudera's lips.

_"Don't call it an engagement ring, you bastard!"_

_"Well that's what it is!"_

_"What makes you think I'd marry your dumb ass anyways?"_

_"Give me a reason why you wouldn't."_

Gokudera pulls back with a huff, pushing back at Yamamoto's hip. "What's so funny?"

Yamamoto takes his seat and picks up his cooling coffee. "I was just remembering the day I proposed to you." 

"You didn't propose."

"I asked you to marry me." 

"I didn't say yes."

"You didn't say no either," Yamamoto points out as Gokudera shits uncomfortably in his seat. He can see a shadow of a wince pass across the other's features, and Yamamoto's setting down his coffee cup and reaching across the table before Gokudera has the chance to tell him to sit back down. "Are you okay?"

Gokudera huffs and he flushes from his neck to his hairline. He's scowling again when he opens his mouth. "I'm still sore from last night, you fucking bastard. What the hell was wrong with you?" 

Yamamoto rubs the scar on his chin, a habit he's prone to whenever he's thinking. He debates telling Gokudera about his dream but then decides against it, knowing he'd only laugh it off and tell him he was being stupid for letting a dream affect him that way. Or he could take it another way, an extreme way, and see it as some sort of omen -- some sort of forewarning and go on some kind of craze and that's not something Yamamoto wants at all, especially not now. 

He laughs, shrugs it off and avoids the question entirely. "Should we bring lunch to the beach? Or did you just want to go for a walk along the shore?"

"Don't dodge the question, Takeshi." 

Yamamoto shivers when he catches the cold fire in the green of Gokudera's eyes. His lips are pressed thin and he's glaring expectantly, and Yamamoto knows he can't lie to Gokudera, and they both have known each other long enough to read the implications of the other's behaviours. "I just got carried away," he says and it's not entirely a lie. He really doesn't want Gokudera to worry.

"Well, don't think you'll get away with it next time. There'll be one hell of a price to pay --"

"Ha, I've already paid the price for that," Yamamoto says, pulling his shirt collar down to reveal two clearly visible purple and red crescent shapes above and below his collar bone and one a little higher up on his shoulder.

"Serves you right," Gokudera remarks haughtily. "But they look good on you, and they'd look even better if I --"

A quiet knock sounds at their door, causing Yamamoto to jump up and look over at Gokudera quizzically. "Who knows we're home and not at the estate?" he mutters rhetorically. 

"Well go see who it is, idiot," Gokudera urges, raising out of his chair. 

Yamamoto crosses the lavish ground level apartment they share on their off days away from the chaos revolving around the Vongola estate. He unlocks the four locks plus deadbolt, because one could never be too safe as part of the world renowned Vongola Famiglia, and opens the door to be faced with a mass of unruly brown hair and soft, brown eyes. 

"Tsuna?"

"Tenth!" 

Yamamoto hears the clatter of the chair hitting the tile behind him as he opens the door to make way for his boss, the Vongola Decimo, now older and much wiser but still as clumsy to enter their apartment. There are dark smudges of insomnia under his eyes, a look Yamamoto is all to familiar with, back when Gokudera refused to allow people in, back before his world turned kind and he learned to trust and accepted the comfort Yamamoto had always wanted to give to him.

Gokudera is beside him in a matter of seconds, grabbing at Tsuna's shoulder with a smile wide and telling. "Tenth! I haven't gotten to the Esposito report just yet, but if you can --" 

Tsuna sighs, and when he looks up, his eyes are bleary and bloodshot. "I'm not here for that, Gokudera-kun. I'll have someone else draft it." 

Gokudera recoils, and for a minute Yamamoto can see the worry striking in Gokudera's blown pupils as he shuts the door. Not sure himself of what's going on, Yamamoto leads Tsuna by the elbow further into the apartment. "Well it's great to see you Tsuna! Everything okay?"

"Ah... It's fine," Tsuna says with a bleak smile. "I just... Gokudera-kun's mission has been moved up and he'll have to leave tomorrow at noon."

"That's alright, Tenth!" Gokudera recovers, and Yamamoto can hear the rush of relief in his voice. "I'm already going crazy hanging out with this guy."

"Hey," complains Yamamoto but he catches the grin at the corners of Gokudera's mouth.

"Really?" Tsuna breathes a sigh of relief. "Oh I'm so glad... I was worrying about telling you, I didn't want to upset you -- and sometimes you can be pretty scary when you're angry and blow --"

"Tenth!" Gokudera gasps in mock horror. "I would never do such things to you!" 

"Of course he wouldn't!" Yamamoto agrees. "But you didn't have to come out here to tell us that, right? What's really going on Tsuna?"

Tsuna sighs again as he takes a seat at the breakfast table. "Oh," he murmurs, looking at the spread in front of him. "I'm sorry I interrupted."

Gokudera claps him on the back while Yamamoto picks up the fallen chair and places Gokudera's glasses (that somehow made their way on to the floor as well) on to the table.

He catches Gokudera's eyes and there's disappointment and guilt there, but there's also excitement, because Gokudera is a workaholic, and because he likes being useful and important, and Yamamoto's sure the other knows he's very important to Yamamoto but Yamamoto also knows Tsuna and the mafia have always come first where Gokudera is concerned.

"Nonsense, Tenth! We've always got time for you! Right, baseball freak?"

Yamamoto smiles for Gokudera, something warm and encouraging so Gokudera understands he's okay with the decision the other has made. And he really is, even if for just a moment there was a pang of disappointment that seized his lungs. "Of course," he says finally, still smiling approval and Gokudera returns the smile from behind Tsuna's shoulder.

"Now tell us what's up, Tenth."

"Well," he says, fidgeting with the hem of his suit jacket. "The Varia backed out at the last minute, so --"

"What? Why?" Yamamoto blurts. Gokudera shoots him a glare hot enough to melt metal across the table.

"Will you shut it? If you hadn't opened your mouth to speak then he would have already told us."

Yamamoto rubs at the back of his head and laughs nervously. "Right, sorry," he says but he can't help but worrying, taking Tsuna's look of distress into consideration.

Tsuna lets out yet another exasperated sigh but he's smiling when he says, "Honestly, sometimes I think the two of you will never grow out of that even though you've been together this long."

Yamamoto laughs. "It's how he shows me he loves me."

"No one said I loved you, baseball idiot," Gokudera says with a grin. 

"Anyways," Tsuna cuts in, the smile on his face fading. "The Varia needed to take care of some things I can't really discuss right now and they couldn't spare any members... and I'm afraid I can't either."

Yamamoto narrows his eyes and clears his throat. "What do you mean, you can't spare anyone? I'll go with Gokudera then."

"You can't," Tsuna said, frowning. "I've got a Japanese tycoon flying in to talk business and I can't be there. And since there's no one else at the estate that can speak Japanese... I'll need you handle that business for me."

Yamamoto's hand scrubs at his head furiously as he begins to pace the floor. " _Really_ , Tsuna? You're sending Gokudera out on this mission alone and you're asking me to handle business for you?" Yamamoto doesn't - rather can't - hide the frustration and the anger in his voice. He feels inexplicably furious, he and Gokudera  _always_  work together and not just because they are together, but because that's always how it's been; because Gokudera trusts him to have his back without question in the midst of a battle; because Gokudera doesn't have to worry about him; because he and Gokudera know  _everything_  there is to know about each other and their respective fighting styles. There are never any mistakes made, it's been the Storm and the Rain ever since this whole Mafia game started. 

"Yamamoto." The sharp sound of his name off Gokudera's tongue burns a chill down his spine, and derails his thoughts completely. "If the Tenth says you're needed here on business, then you shut your fucking mouth and listen to your boss. Don't be an insubordinate idiot."

"Gokudera-kun!" Tsuna gasps. He's twisting his head back and staring wide eyed at Gokudera, but Gokudera's narrowed eyes are locked on Yamamoto's, his brows drawn tight and lips curled into a snarl. It's been a long time since Yamamoto's seen that face. 

Yamamoto opens his mouth to protest but the fiery scrutiny of the other's gaze keeps it shut. He's worried, Yamamoto can tell by the shadows that murk the green of his eyes but he'd never show that kind of weakness in front of Tsuna and Yamamoto would never call him out on it in front of Tsuna either. Except Yamamoto just can't let it go. "What about Sasagawa or Chrome? Hibari? "

Tsuna shakes his head immediately. "They're on their own separate missions."

"And Lambo?"

Tsuna smiles at Yamamoto apologetically. "You know he's still too young to send out into the field."

He fights with the logical side of him that tells him he already knew the answer to that, and he agrees avidly when it comes to fifteen year old Lambo but it doesn't stall the words that pour out of his mouth. "Give me a break, Tsuna! We were _fourteen_  when we went into the future and saved the world right? And you're telling me Lambo is still too young --"

It happens so fast that Yamamoto doesn't have time to react and suddenly his back is hitting the wall and the air is whooshing out of him in a long winded gust, and when he blinks open his eyes, Gokudera's got a white knuckled grip on the collar of his shirt, and he can't see past the straggled curtain of silver shadowing Gokudera's face. He wants to reach out and soothe him, but when he lifts his hand to pull Gokudera into an embrace, the words that cut through are enough to make pause of his movements.

"You watch your fucking mouth when speaking to the Tenth," he seethes, and it's so low in the back of his throat that Yamamoto can barely make out the words over the hammering of his heart pounding in his ears.

"Gokudera!" shouts Tsuna as he gets up from his seat.

Yamamoto exhales a breath he wasn't aware he was holding and pries Gokudera's fingers from his shirt. He clears his throat, tries to regain some semblance of calm, and looks over at Tsuna, who's pupils are so wide Yamamoto can't see the brown in his irises anymore. He instantly feels guilty, but he's shaking with adrenaline too. He's at a loss when he looks to Gokudera and the other isn't even looking at him, his fists balled at his sides and his chest is still heaving.

Yamamoto's trembling with the urge to fix things but he knows Gokudera won't allow him to apologise, won't allow him to shower the other with apologetic affection in front of Tsuna at all. He offers a smile, as big and bright as he can muster and smooths out his shirt. "Sorry, Tsuna." 

"Yamamoto..."

He walks past Gokudera who still refuses to look his way, or even say a single word. There's thick, tangible tension in the air and the silence is heavy. Yamamoto knows Gokudera's angry, but he's worried and embarrassed and maybe even a little bit guilty. There's no point in trying to fix things now, there's nothing he can do but give the other the space he needs to calm down. 

He heads towards his bedroom, Tsuna voicing his concerns as he walks through the hallway.

"Gokudera... are you two going to be okay? I didn't --"

"Tenth, please," Gokudera's voice sounds, shaky yet snappish for all that it's worth. "Don't apologize for that idiot's insolence. Come, let's go back to the estate and you can brief me on the details of tomorrow's mission." 

"But -- really, Gokudera-kun... Is it okay to just leave him like this?"

"It's perfectly fine. Don't worry about that child, let him sulk in his room."

The words sting, for the first time in a long time, but Yamamoto doesn't bother with a retort. He steps into their bedroom and shuts the door behind him, struggling to regain rhythmic breathing. His chest is tight but his blood his boiling. When he leans against the door, he can still hear the conversation out in the kitchen.  

"I'm sorry, Tenth, but do you mind if I go into the office dressed like this? I uh, have all my suits at the dry cleaners."

"It's fine, Gokudera-kun... But I really think you should try to work things out with Yamamoto first." 

"He'll be alright, Tenth. We both need some time to cool off. Shall we get to the estate? Time is of the essence, right?" 

"I suppose so," Yamamoto hears Tsuna say uncertainly. It's silent for a second and it's the sound of the door slamming shut that makes Yamamoto jump a little. Now there's nothing to overhear, save for the hollow pounding of his heart. 


	3. Chapter 3

 

* * *

_**2:47 am** _

Yamamoto blinks blearily at the clock on the bedside table, it's angry red glare the only light in the bedroom. The curtains had been drawn at some point during Yamamoto's misery the night before, and he actually can't remember how or when he fell asleep but he knows why he's on Gokudera's side of the bed.

When Gokudera failed to come home or call him by ten, he had decided to drown his anger in a few bottles of imported saké from his father's shop, Takesushi, back in Japan. Truth be told he had started the one-man pity party at around seven and after about ten unanswered calls and eight ignored messages, Yamamoto gave up. 

Times like these he really misses Japan and his father, warm summer days full of baseball practice and hanging out with his friends; stealing kisses with Gokudera in dark corners of the school or every time his father or Tsuna would leave the room. The times when things were not so complicated and imminent death wasn't constantly hanging over their heads.

By eleven he was pretty drunk, stumbling around the apartment thinking how Gokudera would scold him if he could see him now. After that he wasn't sure what had happened and he hasn't obviously had much sleep.

Yamamoto turns over to find that the bed is still empty and he lets out a whiny groan both from disappointment and the dull throbbing in his temples. It's likely he isn't going to go back to sleep, especially now that he's a little sober and all the worry and dread is washing over him in nauseating waves.

Or maybe it's an after effect of the saké.

Groaning again, he swings his legs over the bed and stands, stretching despite the vertigo trying to pull him back down.

He saunters to the bathroom and turns on the light. Bad idea. The hot glare from the vanity bulbs instantly burn his eyes that have adjusted to the darkness. Yamamoto lets out another groan and rubs his eyes tiredly. He blinks a few times to allow his pupils to adjust and catches a glimpse of his face in the mirror.

A lot of the time he wants to believe that he hasn't changed much over the years but staring at his reflection tells him differently. The lines in his face are hard and so is his expression. His eyes are dull and flat, they don't bounce with an overzealous diligence like they used to, his personality doesn't hold the same nonchalant and indifferent attitude he once had and for a while he had thought it was a bad thing. He strives to be the person that Gokudera wants him to be - he was always yelling at him for being oblivious to the bigger picture and that kind of attitude was going to get the Tenth killed and when Yamamoto was faced with that sober truth, he decided to do something about it. 

He frowns. The creases in his forehead and corners of his eyes, a deep battle scar on his chin, lifeless eyes were something that shouldn't be afflicting such a young face and it deeply perturbed him. He was sure he was happy in this life, having Hayato and his friends close, protecting them, loving them - it was all he needed... So then why did he look so _unhappy_?

"Ugh," he mutters to himself, turning the tap on and splashing his face with cold water. He pulls his toothbrush from the glass holder and slathers toothpaste onto the bristles. 

He supposes he's unhappy because he isn't that nonchalant teenager anymore, he is an adult with all the knowledge of just how ugly the world is and he knows that the life that makes him happy is also the life that would inevitably take away the very things that make his life worth living.

His mind wanders back to the nightmare that's been haunting him every night with the exception of tonight, probably because he had been drunk. He squeezes his eyes shut, but it does nothing to rid the images seared into his psyche. Images of Gokudera, bent and broken lying in a pool of crimson, riddled with bullets. His gleaming silver hair soaked with sweat and blood, his porcelain skin streaked with dirt and worst of all his eyes... his eyes are open in a dead stare, glazed over and lackluster and unseeing. They aren't burning with fire and they don't see -- they don't see Yamamoto crying over him, and they certaintly don't see the monster he turns into now that he's got nothing to live for. 

Yamamoto shakes his head violently, tossing his toothbrush into the sink and he desperately rubs his arms, trying to rid himself of the chill that permeates his bones.

* * *

By the time Yamamoto showers and has sobered up from his drunken state, the sun had already emerged over the horizon. He leaves the house early, knowing full well Gokudera's likely slept in his office, so he can get there before the other leaves for his mission.

The scenery is beautiful, swirls of cotton candy pink and streaks of blazing orange stain the sky and the Mediterranean sea shimmers under the sun as he drives past it, feeling annoyed and guilty that he and Gokudera never did make it to the beach yesterday.

Arriving at the tall wrought iron gates, he flashes his ID but he doesn't have to because he's the Vongola Rain Guardian and everyone knows his face. He parks the car in the carport and exits, using the side entrance that only opens for Guardians.

He sighs and grimaces once inside for he hates this place but he loves it too. He loves it because all the people he loves are here and hates it because it's also the reason why the people he loves have to risk their lives all the time for the greater good.

 _Greater good? Yeah right,_ he scoffs inwardly.

He takes long strides through the second floor hallway, not stopping for pleasantries, he just nods or offers a flick of his wrist in a waving gesture. He doesn't bother to go see Tsuna about his job either. He only cares about one thing right now and that's telling Gokudera that he's sorry and that he loves him.

He stops in front of the heavy cherrywood door, a gold plate reading  _Hayato Gokudera_  in the center. He lifts his hand to knock and then hesitates. Screw knocking, he just barges in.

He barges in and... train of thought derailed, breath hitched, eyes wide and mouth agape.

Gokudera is standing in front of his desk in nothing but a towel obscurely low and loose on those angular hip bones and a smaller towel draped over his head and a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. He cocks an eyebrow and smirks.

"Close the door, moron. And your mouth," he says, taking the tooth brush out to speak.

Yamamoto gulps, his throat has gone dry and every emotion he's been feeling up to this point has been replaced by a heat rising in his belly and a bulge throbbing in his slacks. He reaches behind him and shuts the door, not taking his eyes off the erotic sight in front of him.

Gokudera sets the toothbrush down on his desk and perches himself on it, leaning back and crossing his legs casually, the towel from his head falling revealing his damp silver hair in ringlets hanging down just past his shoulders, his body still glistening with small beads of water.

Yamamoto has seen Gokudera get out of the shower many times before but for some reason he's never looked so seductive as he does now.

Gokudera wears a crooked grin when he says, "Well are you just going to stand there or are you going to come tell me you're sorry?"

Yamamoto feels a tingle down in his groin as his growing erection starts to twitch against the fabric of his boxers. He takes a few tentative steps forward and Gokudera's back to being himself, rolling his eyes and saying, "Che, would you hurry up? I ain't got all day."

He bites his lower lip and blinks, his body finally complying what his brain has been screaming at it to do. Yamamoto breaks from his daze and he walks briskly over to the Italian and leans in close, placing his palms on the desk on either side of Gokudera. He's not shy as he inhales the sweet scent off Gokudera's skin before whispering in his ear, "Apologize to you? I think it's you who needs to do the apologizing."

He brushes his lips behind Gokudera's ear, gives a fluttering kiss to the nape of his neck. He can smell sugary vanilla scented shampoo Gokudera never admits to using.

"Oh?" Gokudera says. "But the way you spoke to the tenth and making me lose my temper...  _you_  should apologize." He turned his head to brush his lips along Yamamoto's neck.

Yamamoto brings his lips to meet with Gokudera's but doesn't stop to kiss him. Instead he moves his lips down his chin, his throat, over his Adam's apple and down to that collar bone that Yamamoto loves so much. "Right, right... but the way Gokudera put his hands on me in front of him... Gokudera needs to be punished for that," Yamamoto says devilishly, pinching Gokudera's ivory skin between his teeth, sucking and kneading so that he leaves a noticeable kiss mark on the fair skin.

"Oh ho, Hibari-san, are you going to bite me to death?" he scoffs.

Yamamoto wraps an arm around Gokudera's waist and fiendishly attacks his neck with his teeth. He moves his hand up Gokudera's back and curls his fingers into the damp silver hair tugging his head back.

"My name.  _Say it_."

Gokudera lets out an enthusiastic laugh. "Takeshi!" he says through the laugh that sounds a little strangled because of the position of his head.

He reaches out to pull Yamamoto in closer and Yamamoto releases his grip on his hair. Gokudera snaps his head forward, digging his fingernails into Yamamoto's neck. There's a predatory look in those sparkling jade eyes and he bites down on the corner of his lip. He takes Yamamoto's face in his hands and leans in close so that he's centimetres away.

" _Fuck me_ ,  _Takeshi_ ," he breathes and that's all Yamamoto needs to hear before he's ripping the towel off of Gokudera's hips and turning him over on the solid oak desk.

Papers and files fall to the floor and Gokudera's glass ashtray teeters on the edge but he reaches out to save it from falling and gasps in surprise as Yamamoto hot tongue slides up his back.

Yamamoto feels the pale skin bump underneath his tongue and he kisses down Gokudera's spine to the cleft of his ass. He hears Gokudera goan. Yamamoto smiles to himself and runs his tongue down the crease of Gokudera's ass and spreads him apart. He then encircles his tongue around the entrance, flicking his tongue over it before using one now spit slicked finger to probe alongside his tongue. Yamamoto inserts his middle finger in and gently slides his two fingers up to the second knuckle and strokes the insides of Gokudera's walls. He licks up the crease again gently biting and then kissing his cheeks. He spits and inserts a third finger easily into the newly lubricated hole and Gokudera almost squeals.

If Gokudera could be even mildly aware of the wanton sounds that escaped his lips he'd be mortified and Yamamoto smiles. He loves bringing this brash hot head to his knees, trembling and mumbling incoherently like this.

He pulls his tongue and fingers from Gokudera, leaving him writhing and empty and whimpering. Yamamoto grins smugly at the hot mess before him while he divests himself of his clothing and lines up against Gokudera's ass. He penetrates slowly, smooth and easy thanks to Gokudera's now saliva slicked entrance. A low moan, almost a purr erupted from Gokudera's throat and he backed into Yamamoto's thrust. Yamamoto gripped Gokudera's hips and rocked steadily. He knows Gokudera isn't in a position to jerk himself off so he reaches around and wraps his long fingers around Gokudera's erection and strokes evenly.

"Fuck!"

Gokudera has a white knuckled grip on the edge of the desk and he arches his back and tilts his hips so that Yamamoto's dick is stroking his prostate.

" _Fuck_.  _Right_.  _There_ ," he growls, his voice laden with lust.

Yamamoto takes his other hand off Gokudera's hip and presses the heel down on his abdomen so that there's maximum pressure between his cock and Gokudera's prostate and hilts, pushing in deep, thrusting in slow but hard each time. Gokudera's body jerks and he violently comes into Yamamoto's hand and after a few more hard and deep thrusts, Yamamoto releases, calling out Gokudera's name on a shaky breath.

Gokudera crumples into an embarrassing and spent heap on the plush maroon carpet, panting heavily. Yamamoto allows his legs to buckle underneath him and he joins Gokudera on the carpet where he pulls the bomber in close.

Gokudera allows Yamamoto this cuddle because he's leaving soon and because he was an asshole and well, because he loves it just as much as Yamamoto does except he'd never admit it.

"I love you, Hayato."

"Mhm," Gokudera says against Yamamoto's warm chest.

Yamamoto sighs. "Can't you say it back?"

Gokudera props himself up on one arm so that he's hovering over him. His green eyes glare intently and he scowls. "Don't you already know that I do?"

"Well, yeah but -"

"Idiot. As if I'd be able to do these things with anyone else. As if I'd be here with anyone else. Don't you get it?" Gokudera's cheeks flush and he looks away.

Yamamoto wraps his long fingers around Gokudera's jaw and guides his mouth down to mesh their lips together.

"Sometimes I just want to hear it," he says.

"What's gotten into you? You're whinier than usual."

Yamamoto smiles tiredly and tucks a lock of silver hair behind Gokudera's ear, tracing down his neck with his fingertips. "Well because you're leaving today and it'll be a while before I see you again and..." Yamamoto's voice trails off as he recalls the nightmare.

Gokudera stares at him quizzically until the light of an epiphany dances in his green eyes. "It's that dream you've been having, isn't it? It's got something to do with me and it's nothing good. Why else would you go off on the Tenth like that? Waking up screaming every night... "

Sometimes Yamamoto forgets that Gokudera is a lot smarter than he is and he's not shocked at all that he's drawn this conclusion.

"Yeah," he admits sheepishly. "I'm just worried."

Gokudera's face softens and he leans in to give Yamamoto a soft but not chaste kiss. "Idiot... I'm the feared Vongola Storm Guardian and the Decimo's right-hand man. Nothing's gonna happen to me," he says, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

Yamamoto pulls him down into his arms and crushes him into a hug resulting in an 'oomph' and 'lemmego'.

"It better not," he says and kisses his lover.


	4. Chapter 4

 

* * *

Gokudera struts out of the full bathroom adjacent to his office, cigarette dangling from his mouth. He adjusts his tie, walks over to pick up the fallen objects from his desk and butts the cigarette out in his ashtray.

Other than Hibari, his office is the only other office with a bathroom. Anyone else would think it weird but Gokudera often spends a lot of time here, more time here than anywhere else and Hibari, well, he just doesn't like people... or sharing.

He's dressed to the nines in an expensive black Armani suit and a crisp, dark vermilion dress shirt. He wears a pair of polarized BVLGARI aviators on the top of his head while a few strands of silver hair fall loosely over his eyes. Despite Gokudera's still punkish attire that you will find him in on his off days, he has a very fine, expensive taste. He blames it on spending too much time in Milan when they returned to Italy. The only chain that he wears is the only one visible, a platinum chain with a platinum promise ring given to him by some idiot he adores. The rings on his fingers are always the same; various bands of silver and gunmetal and onyx skull fashioned ones.

He looks over at his Yamamoto who's lounging on his black leather sofa, his long legs stretched out and his nose buried in a report of some kind. He struggles to resist the urge to straddle him and go for round two. He feels his lips curl into a smile and he fidgets with the silver skull cufflinks that were also a gift from a certain lovable moron.

Finally latching the cuff links, Gokudera gives into the urge and walks over to Yamamoto, his black leather Prada shoes with the pointed toes barely making a sound on the carpet. He's standing in front of him and Yamamoto doesn't take his eyes off the file he's reading and Gokudera notices it's the file containing today's mission from off his desk. He scowls and rips the file from Yamamoto's hands and tosses it to the floor. Yamamoto looks surprised and Gokudera stands in between his legs and silently fumes with his fists clenched at his sides.

Yamamoto sighs. "I... I'm just worried," he says low, hanging his head.

Gokudera purses his lips, the idiot knows he's helpless against these tactics and it still makes him furious. He really hates it when the bastard plays dirty. He pushes the feeling aside and his face softens as he reaches out and runs his fingers through Yamamoto's raven hair. He pulls away and hitches his dress pants to avoid them ripping - because he still likes his pants tight- and climbs onto Yamamoto's lap. He wraps his arms around his neck and pulls him into his chest.

"I'm going to be fine. It's just a simple recon mission," he says soothingly, stroking his hair once more.

He says this with love but inside he's screaming,  _You idiot! It's really insulting that you think I'm so fucking weak!_

"I know," Yamamoto says.

"And I won't be by myself, I'll have a group with me. They won't be guardians, but still good men nonetheless."  _Like I'd need them anyways!_

"I know," Yamamoto says.

"So you should stop thinking about that stupid dream and stop being an idiot."  _Because you'll worry me too, and distract me from doing my job._

"I know."

"And you should also stop saying 'I know' because it's pissing me off."  _REALLY pissing me off, I'd like to punch you right now._

Yamamoto looks up at Gokudera and grins. "Sorry."

Gokudera sighs. As much as he wanted to punch Yamamoto in the face right now, his smile was something that made his heart flutter against his rib cage, his knees turn to jelly and heat creep across his cheeks.

"You should just kiss me already," he says and Yamamoto's grin spreads wider, reaching his eyes and for a minute Gokudera can see the life dance back into those eyes he loves so much.

Yamamoto leans in and kisses him, and Gokudera can taste the emotions pouring off of his lips; he _knows_ the way this man feels about him without a word having to be spoken because he's felt the same way for just as long.

No. It's not just quite the same.

He misses Yamamoto just a little bit more, worries about him just a little bit more, craves his touch just a little bit more and definitely  _loves_ him just a little bit more.

But Gokudera never has been good with words; he has never been good at opening his heart or talking about feelings. That kind of thing always got one hurt so he's developed a way to avoid it all by putting up a wall with everyone save the Tenth. It makes it easier to not feel the pain of rejection or loneliness.

He tried to do that with the baseball idiot the moment he laid eyes on him and at first, he really did  _hate_  him. He hated everything about Yamamoto Takeshi and when he lashed out and cut him down, insulted him or beat him up he would always laugh and continue to be  _nice_  and it made Gokudera sick to his stomach almost as much as looking at his treacherous sister's face made him sick.

But going into the future and seeing what had happened to the tenth, how he let his rash behavior get the best of him and how he almost got himself and Yamamoto killed when fighting Gamma made him realize it wasn't Yamamoto he hated, it was himself. He hated himself because he just couldn't allow himself to be like Yamamoto, calm and collected and merciful. And when Yamamoto had finally had enough of his shit and told him that he didn't deserve to be the right-hand man, wasn't actually protecting  _anyone_ with his actions he realized Yamamoto was all those things but there was a different side to him too, the side that made Reborn see that he was a natural born hitman and Gokudera  _liked_  it. A small light bulb went off in his head and he found after that he was thinking about that stupid baseball freak a lot more often and in a completely different way.

And sometime after they returned his feelings kept growing but he couldn't admit them to himself, let alone anyone else. Bianchi knew, sure - she was always good at reading him and maybe the tenth did because of his hyper intuition. And when he allowed himself to remember, he could recall how the future guardians and his sister, Lal and even Yamamoto himself hinted to a future relationship between the two of them. He still refused to believe it because it was wrong, right? The baseball idiot was attractive and likable and probably not into him at all, his type was a well-suited woman who his father would accept and she would become his perfect housewife and they'd live happily ever after. Who would like him? He was an irrational, stubborn, chain smoking asshole with a chip on his shoulder; too much pride for his own good and nothing to lose.

It didn't quite turn out that way because Yamamoto eventually did confess to him and it scared the shit out of Gokudera so bad he hauled off and punched him right in the face, breaking his nose. He didn't speak to him for a week until the Tenth had intervened.

And now, here he is, helplessly in love with a stupid ex-baseball now hitman idiot who worried too much, complained too much, and frankly is too contemplative and austere; something Gokudera never dreamed he'd be like and if Gokudera's being honest with himself, sometimes he really hates that about Yamamoto.

He reluctantly pulls out of the kiss and rests his forehead against Yamamoto's, not really wanting to move but he knows it's time to leave.

"I have to-"

"I know," Yamamoto says softly, stroking his cheek. "Be careful, okay?"

"I will."

With a sigh, Gokudera stands, avoiding Yamamoto's eyes because he knows the look he'd see and part of him will resent Yamamoto for it and the other part of him will feel guilty. Neither of these emotions is something he cares to carry with him when he's leaving for a mission. So, he kisses the top of Yamamoto's head and lets his lips linger for a long time before tearing himself away. Yamamoto doesn't say anything because he's likely thinking something along the same lines and for that, Gokudera is grateful. 

He's just about to cross the threshold when he hears Yamamoto call out, "Miss you already!" 

Gokudera grins. He already misses the idiot too.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a short scene with graphic depictions of violence and implied character death (tho only tempory/dream sequence), blood and gore.

 

* * *

Yamamoto awakes drenched in a cold sweat and feeling nauseated. He's had that nightmare again but this time it played out like a scene from the American mob films Gokudera used to force him to watch.

 _Yamamoto watches as Gokudera and his team get ambushed by far too many men. Each one of Gokudera's team members are gunned down or cut down leaving Gokudera surrounded in a one versus one hundred standoff. Yamamoto isn't there in the dream but he's watching it through his eyes and he feels so helpless as Gokudera struggles to get the upper hand. His combat skills were never the greatest, that was Hibari and Sasagawa's area of expertise. Yamamoto is thankful that the men haven't killed him but he knows that it's coming. Sure enough, Gokudera runs out of stamina and explosives and the remaining men take no pity on him before they empty their magazines into Gokudera's chest at point blank range. The gun shots are deafening and Gokudera's cries come out strangled and wet, blood sputtering from his mouth. His body jerks like its attached to invisible marionette strings conducted by an unseen puppeteer. Then one of the men move forward and kick him in the ribs, sending whatever oxygen he held in has lungs out in a long winded gasp. And then there's nothing. The men leave him for dead and he just lays there, the blood pooling out from the exit wounds in his back. Yamamoto screams, screams and tells him to get up and he's so angry and so devastated_.

And then he wakes up.

So now he's left feeling shattered, his heart thudding against his chest, his mouth dry like cotton balls have been shoved down his throat and he has a searing headache. He feels empty and alone and this time Gokudera isn't here to console him.

 _It's just a stupid dream, idiot,_  he hears Gokudera say but the voice in his head doesn't do him any justice.

He pushes himself off the leather sofa in Gokudera's office that he had fallen asleep on after Gokudera left. When he stands, his legs are like jello and they wobble underneath him forcing him to fall back down to the couch.

There's a light rapping at the door.

"Come in," he says tiredly.

The door opens slowly and Yamamoto doesn't bother to look up from his large hands that he's buried his face into.

"Yamamoto?" Tsuna's voice. It comes out soft and full of concern.

Yamamoto doesn't want to, but Tsuna is his boss and more importantly his friend, so he lifts his head up and it feels heavy. He looks over at Tsuna and his young face is contorted into a worried and distraught expression.

"I heard you yell... I didn't even know you were here. Are you... is everything okay?"

Yamamoto felt a little heat in his cheeks, embarrassed that he had yelled out loud enough for someone to hear and wondered what he had said.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he says, trying to sound hopeful but he knows the look in his eyes must say differently.

"What's going on with you lately? You seem... off. Is everything okay with you and Gokudera? Of course, I don't want to pry -"

He gives a weak smile and nods. "We're fine. Honestly, I've just been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately."

"Oh..." Tsuna moves into the room and shuts the door. "You know, Yamamoto, I don't really want to get into your personal life, but I'm really worried about you. I know you say you're fine, but honestly... is Gokudera  _really_  treating you okay?" He leans against Gokudera's desk so that he's in Yamamoto's direct line of sight.

Yamamoto laughs but it's weak and shallow. "He's good to me Tsuna, I love him and he loves me." Yet he sighs because he knows Tsuna knows there's something he's not being honest about and he won't leave until he's satisfied.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that... But...Yamamoto... as your ... boss, this is becoming a problem, I can't have you distracted like this while out in the field or even behind a desk. And as your friend, I am  _really_   _worried_ about you because you're not yourself. You haven't been for a while now and it seems like it's getting worse."

Yamamoto looks up at Tsuna and for a moment is really proud that he's grown up so much.

"You obviously can't shoulder the burden you've been carrying around with you by yourself. Won't don't you talk to me about it? At least let me  _try_ to help you?"

Yamamoto smiles and shakes his head. "It isn't something you could help me with, Tsuna."

"You're sounding a lot like Gokudera used to sound. Closing people off, being stubborn when someone offers you a hand. I can't be satisfied with any answer you give me until it's the truth."

Yamamoto is still so surprised that Tsuna has become so mature. He rubs his face in his hands and sighs.

"I've been having this reoccurring dream almost every night for over a week. It's so... vivid," Yamamoto shudders with recollection. "It's so vivid that it wakes me up and I usually can't get back to sleep."

"And this dream... it's about Gokudera?"

Yamamoto's eyes blow wide. "How...?"

Tsuna shrugs. "It's just a feeling. You're always over protective of your friends but with Gokudera it's so much more... especially now that you're together so something affecting you this deeply must be about someone you love just as much. Am I right?"

He nods solemnly and after a beat of silence, he looks up at his friend again and offers an apologetic smile. "Tsuna, I'm really sorry about yesterday. Goku-"

Tsuna instantly holds up a hand to cut him off. "You don't have to apologize, I said I understand." He smiles warmly. "It's really that bad, huh?"

"It's so  _real,_  like I'm watching a clip from a movie and it replays the same scene over and over again and nothing changes, the end always the same. Hayato... "

His boss frowns, worry widens his eyes as if he can see Yamamoto's dream play out right before him and he folds his arms across his chest like he's attempting to comfort himself. But after a minute he tries to reassure Yamamoto that everything will be okay. "He's a great Guardian, a strong and intelligent man. He won't be defeated so easily, you of all people should know that."

Yamamoto nods, desperate to change the subject. "So this meeting, what's it about?"

"Oh... Well, his name is Hideaki Makoto and he's actually requested that he speak with you personally."

"Me?"

"Yeah. He's interested in expanding Takesushi and moving it into America."

Yamamoto arches a long, thin brow. "My father's shop? Tsuna... how does this have  _anything_ to do with the Vongola or me for that matter?"

"It was actually a request from Yamamoto-san," he says sheepishly. "He said you'd be better with dealing with the business than he would be."

"Am I missing something?" Yamamoto asked with a laugh. "What does this have to -"

Tsuna hangs his head. "It doesn't. Well, it does, sort of. Hideaki-san is also an associate of the Vongola; the Japanese branch. He's offered us a forty-five percent stake in his business for an investment of roughly fifty million Yen or about forty-five thousand Euro from the main Vongola branch here in Italy. Your father doesn't want any loyalties, he just wants to be able to run his shop. We don't exactly need the money, but the Vongola could benefit from setting some roots down in American soil. Once he's able to get the chain up and running, some of the restaurants can double as small weapons warehouses or reconnaissance stations. And if that all goes well, we can eventually start moving in on American territory. My father has informed me of a large family operating out of New York City that has ties to the Acerbi family here in Sicily. If we could just get them on our side and flush out all the bad guys, we could be looking at expanding the Vongola on a global scale."

Yamamoto could feel his blood beginning to boil. On so many levels this was just  _wrong._ "And you plan on doing all this under my father's name? Using his hard work; my _namesake_ to start a civil mafia war? This isn't about Takesushi at all, is it? This is something the Vongola can hide behind while they infiltrate another family and attempt to take it down in the name of the greater good. When does it all end, Tsuna? And besides, I don't know anything about number crunching. This is completely Hayato's area of expertise  _plus_  he speaks Japanese. Why would he be sent on the recon mission and I be left to deal with this? Has my father even been informed of your disreputable tactics?"

"Iemitsu went over the benefits of having Hideaki-san's business and it was your father who suggested having some of the restaurants as fronts for Vongola operations. You know his connections to the family go back to before we were even born, Yamamoto."

"I understand that, and I'm a little taken back but I get why Dad did this... You know how dangerous this is though, don't you? Starting another mafia war when we already have so much going on is like playing with fire, Tsuna. Are you trying to get my father killed?"

" _What?_ Of course not, Yamamoto! But at the same time, you have to understand that when it comes down to it, I am the boss and your father has already agreed. The only thing I ask of you is to just be the middle man and handle it for me, please."

"I still don't understand why you're asking me to do this. You know perfectly well he would have let Hayato handle this. In fact, Hayato would have been better for this because he _would_ see everyone's irrational logic and happily agree if it meant making you happy. You're basically asking me to sign my father's death warrant."

Tsuna sighs exasperatedly and runs a hand through his hair. "I don't know, Yamamoto. He just asked me to do this for him, so I obliged out of respect. Just think of how much good we could do; how much this will benefit the family."

Yamamoto scoffs. "I don't see how. Is this what we've become? A corporate organization that gives handouts to lowly business men that want to expand sushi shops to take over American mafia turf? What's next, coffee bars? Fast food chains? Are we just going to buy everyone, keep a few cops and judges in our pockets too?"

"Yamamoto, I know you're upset but-"

"When did we stop fighting to protect, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asks grimly, meeting his boss's gaze with a narrowed one of his own.

"Yamamoto... we still  _do._  But there are other things that need to be handled. We're not just some vigilante group that goes around protecting the weak and the innocent. That was in Primo's time, not ours. We're a family and we still protect but it isn't that black and white anymore. I know you can't really understand that right now and for whatever the reason, I hope you move past that and at least  _try_ to."

Yamamoto was angry. He was fed up. But he also knew that Tsuna was right.

He knew if Gokudera was here, he'd be beating him over the head telling him to just shut it and do it because he still followed Tsuna. He would follow Tsuna to the ends of the earth if he had to. He knows what the mafia world is about; he understood it better than any one of them.

"What time is this meeting?" he finally asks, resigning for the time being knowing that any more pushing might lead to Tsuna asking Gokudera to speak to him. Yamamoto couldn't have that, especially not now that Gokudera had other things to worry about.

"Ten o' clock tomorrow morning. His plane arrives at nine and I'll be sending an escort to pick him up from the airport. Everything has already been arranged; there's a briefing report containing all the information and data you'll need on your desk. I'm flying to Paris with Kyoko tonight and Ryohei will be meeting us there. Hibari should be back in two days time. Chrome will be joining Mukuro and Fran in an undisclosed location to assist the Varia. There's been some sightings of Vindicare level criminals that the Vindice haven't been able to capture so they've asked for the Varia's help. Mukuro will remain out of sight, of course, but he's essential to their mission. Lambo is escorting my mother to the airport tonight to join us, so it'll just be you at the estate."

Yamamoto suddenly feels a pang of loneliness. It seemed as if everyone fit in somewhere; everyone belonged somewhere and with someone but his other half -- his  _better_ half -- was out doing grunt work while he was left alone to handle shady sushi business deals. "And Hayato?" he asks tiredly.

"If all goes well he should be back in a few days. I've asked Basil and Oregano to assist him should he need it."

Yamamoto is puzzled. Maybe it's because he _is_  an idiot, but he doesn't understand what Basil and Oregano have to do with Gokudera's mission.

"Tsuna... why was Hayato sent out on this recon mission if it was so simple? I'm sure there are men we have that are capable of handling it, right? And if it's so simple, why does the CEDEF need to get involved?"

Tsuna sighs and chews on his lip nervously. "It's really a sensitive matter that I can't really get into," he says apologetically.

"It's  _Gokudera."_

"Yamamoto..."

"Please..."

Tsuna relents with another aggravated sigh. It almost made Yamamoto feel guilty. Almost. "There have been talks with the Yankov Family in regards to forming an alliance with the Vongola but they're worried there might be a coup d'état forming within the family opposed to the allegiance. They've asked me to send in one of my Guardians as a show of good faith to investigate the coup d'état before becoming allies, hence also the CEDEF's involvement. Normally I would have just sent Hibari because he's worked with the CEDEF many times but he was unavailable and time is of the essence."

"Yankov..." Yamamoto lets the name roll off his tongue. " _The Russian Mafia?_ "

"Yes," Tsuna replies wih an audible gulp.

"What are we doing forming ties with the Russian mafia?" Yamamoto asks in a state of shock. Dread begins balling up in the pit of his stomach and suddenly his shoulders pinch with such tension that it's painful.

"It's complicated," Tsuna says with a frown and doesn't elaborate.

"So this mission -- this 'recon' mission -- isn't really that simple, is it? Is it even reconnaissance at all? Or is it espionage? What exactly have you gotten Hayato into?"

"Yamamoto, please. I can't discuss this anymore with you. It really is a sensitive matter and other than myself and Gokudera's team, you're the only other person that knows. If word gets out, Gokudera could be in a lot of danger."

Yamamoto narrows his eyes, his fists clenching. He has to bite his tongue because he is about to say a lot of things he is going to regret at a much later time. Possibly harsher things he might come to regret almost instantly and definitely things that would get him sent home for the day and nowhere near any more information out of Tsuna in regards to Gokudera's mission. As angry as he is, he knows Tsuna is just doing his job and by the look on his face, he isn't too happy about any of this either. And suddenly, an overwhelming sense of understanding and pity wash over him and he remembers. He remembers the frightened fourteen-year-old Tsuna who never wanted any part of this in the first place. He remembers the fourteen-year-old Tsuna that only wanted to protect his friends and did what he had to so that he could do so.

Yamamoto takes a stand, his legs a bit sore from being still for too long but steady nonetheless, and walks over to his boss. His _friend._ The man who has saved his life on so many occasions. He claps him on the shoulder, squeezing reassuringly and smiles his best smile. "You're right, Tsuna. I'll meet with Hideaki-san in the morning. Have a safe flight."And before he's overcome with anger again, Yamamoto leaves Tsuna alone in Gokudera's office. He walks down the hall toward his own office, feeling a surge of emotions he couldn't quite put his finger on.

What he did know was this - if Tsuna could do it, if Tsuna could brave through everything he hated for the sake of his friends, then so could he. He could because that was the reason why he was here; to protect his friends;  _his family_ , so he could be there for them when the going got tough, to be their support when they needed a shoulder to cry on or to lean on. And then he remembered something Reborn taught him long ago, something about why he was chosen, why he was naturally born for this livelihood.

He could bare through it all for the sake of his family because he was the Vongola Rain Guardian, bringing tranquility to the aftermath of battle and all hardships, washing away the blood spilled that is the requiem of rain; the one that washes away all despair.


	6. Chapter 6

 

* * *

_The sun is warm on Yamamato Takeshi's skin. The cicadas shrill chirping in the heat is like music to his ears. The smell of the dust from the baseball diamond rejuvenates him. The feel of the smooth aluminum bat feels so familiar in his hands. He grinds his cleat into the dirt and takes his batting stance, inhaling and exhaling, his eyes narrowed on the pitcher. Right before the pitcher swings into his pitch, Yamamoto closes his eyes._

_"I'm bringing you home, boys," he says to himself and he opens his eyes, focusing on the dirtied leather ball heading straight for him._

_TWANG!_

_The ball connects with his bat and he watches it soar high into the blue sky. He tosses his bat and makes a run for it and he glances up before he reaches third base and it's gone out of the field, a home run. His chest swells and he almost struts to home base._

_He's sixteen and life is good. His team has just won the final spot in the playoffs._

_His team mates cheer and slap him on the back and he can hardly contain his excitement. In the midst of the celebration he turns to the bleachers and he sees Tsuna and Kyoko and Haru cheering him on. He sees Lambo and I-Pin doing some kind of victory dance and sempai is shouting something TO THE EXTREME!_

_Then his eyes fall on the fair skinned, silver haired boy who's skin radiates in the sunlight and his silver hair sparkles like crushed diamonds. He sees for once that his beautiful face isn't twisted in a scowl but that his pink lips have curled into a bit of a smile and Yamamoto is elated. That smile means more to him than the game he's just won, it makes him more happy than all the praise he's receiving from his teammates._

_When Gokudera notices Yamamoto, he turns a lovely shade of rose and quickly looks away. Yamamoto heads to the showers with the promise that he'll meet up with his friends at his father's sushi restaurant, his treat._

_When he leaves his teammates, the sun has began to set and the sky is a soft amber, the cicadas buzzing is now a low drone and he's so ecstatic he has a skip in his step. Before he gets to the bleachers, he smells it, the stagnant air of cigarette smoke. He's not too hopeful but when he gets to the bleachers he sees a curl of cigarette smoke and he follows it to see the cigarette dangling from two pink lips and behind that is the smirk of the boy that makes his heart run rampant in his chest and his breath get trapped in his lungs._

_"Gokudera...," he whispers when he's able to take a breath._

_"Nice game," he says nonchalantly, exhaling a plume of smoke._

_Yamamoto grins and rubs the back of his neck. "Thanks! Where's everyone else?" he asks, looking around._

_"They've gone to Takesushi. They're waiting for you," Gokudera says, shifting his gaze to the school._

_"Aha, but so was Gokudera," Yamamoto points out gleefully._

_"Che! I wasn't waiting for you! I was... the tenth asked me to-"_

_Yamamoto leans close and he sees Gokudera flush bright red. Gokudera pushes him away and does a paranoid sweep of the area._

_Not even Hibari or Hibird can be spotted, it's just the two of them and the cicadas buzzing a romantic lullaby._

_And then he reaches up and snakes his arms around Yamamoto's neck and pulls him in close with a sharp inhale. He kisses the crook of Yamamoto's neck and shoulder, up his neck and the sensitive spot behind his ear. Yamamoto wraps his arms around Gokudera's waist and presses their bodies closer together, their hearts thumping in tandem. Yamamoto moves his hand underneath Gokudera's t-shirt and rests it on the small of his back feeling the warmth emanating off his skin. Gokudera moves his lips to Yamamoto's and they part, giving an invitation for Yamamoto's tongue. Yamamoto moves his hands around to the front of Gokudera, wrestling with his thick, studded belt. Gokudera's mouth keeps him busy, he's not one to talk at a time like this. His hands run through Yamamoto's hair as Yamamoto kisses him below his jaw, down his throat and to the side of his neck._

_They're still new at this and a little sloppy; nothing's ever gone beyond what Yamamoto likes to compare to -much to Gokudera's dismay - as third base._

_Yamamoto finally frees the belt strap and tears the button off Gokudera's jeans, sliding a hand into Gokudera's tight boxers. Gokudera clutches a fistful of Yamamoto's hair and huffs into his ear. He uses his free hand to pull Gokudera's t-shirt off while the other hand strokes Gokudera's hard cock. Standing becomes a little uncomfortable so Yamamoto uses his body weight to overpower the smaller framed boy and forces him down to the dry grass underneath the bleachers. He looms over Gokudera, pulling down his jeans that already ride low on his hips while Gokudera unbutton's Yamamoto's khakis, tugging on the elastic of his boxers in a teasing fashion and then wrapping a hand around Yamamoto's erection._

_They stroke each other slow and steadily even though they're so exposed and pressed for time. It isn't often they get to be alone like this._

_Yamamoto isn't rough, his kisses are soft and fluttering, his nips on Gokudera's skin are lovingly and gentle, careful not to leave unexplained marks. Gokudera keeps his eyes shut most of the time, his breath is always hot and heavy, coming out in soft yet husky moans whenever Yamamoto kisses down his chest and stops just before the sparse trail of silver hair leading down from his navel. Yamamoto grinds on Gokudera, curling his fingers on his free hand into Gokudera's hair, pressing his lips against the wet lips of Gokudera. And Gokudera comes, digging his nails into the ballplayer's shoulder blades and uttering Yamamoto's given name. Yamamoto grins and sits upright so that his body blocks the setting sun. Gokudera watches with lust filled eyes as Yamamoto brings his hand to his mouth and takes his long tongue to the trail of Gokudera's come from his wrist to the palm of his hand. He licks his lips that have formed into a triumphant smirk._

_Gokudera gently pushes Yamamoto off him and sits on his knees while he waits for Yamamoto to read the look in his eyes. Yamamoto may be an idiot bit he knows well enough what Gokudera is trying to say so he stands, pulling his shirt over his head and hooking a thumb into his boxers. Gokudera reels him in, tugging down on Yamamoto's clothing just so that his erection and buttocks are exposed. He licks a stripe of salty flesh from beneath Yamamoto's scrotum to the tip of his head and wraps his lips around Yamamoto. Yamamoto closes his eyes and feels the last rays of the sun beam down on his sculpted body, the warmth of Gokudera's mouth on his flesh and listens to the humming of the cicadas._

_Life is simple. Life is good. He's happy and in love. He's got baseball and Shigure Soen Ryu and he doesn't need to choose. He's got his friends and Gokudera and his dad and sushi. Life is amazing._

_Gokudera is amazing. His tongue swirls and flicks over his head, his spit slicked hand reaching where his mouth can't. Yamamoto has both his hands tangled in the silver tresses and he repeats Gokudera's given name several times on heavy breaths. He gently pushes down on Gokudera's head, using Gokudera's hair like handle bars until Gokudera is milking out his climax, swallowing a mouthful and letting the rest spill down his chin._

_Yamamoto is spent, between the baseball game and the amazing orgasm he's just had and after he pulls up his pants, he drops to his knees and tackles Gokudera. Gokudera protests but allows him to lay in between his legs and wraps his arms around Yamamoto's neck once more and pulls him into a kiss._

_He's sixteen and life is good. Life is simple. He's got baseball and the boy he loves and when he's lucky they go hand in hand like they did today._

_This is all he needs to make him happy._


	7. Chapter 7

 

* * *

Yamamoto awakes for the first time in over a week feeling refreshed and not trembling from fear and dread. The epiphany he had yesterday must have really done wonders for his psyche because rather than the nightmare, he dreamt being sixteen again and the day his team won the last spot in the playoffs. He and Gokudera had just started dating then, the relationship more physical than anything else at that age, but he supposes that's all most relationships are at that time. He can still recall the way Gokudera's hair shone in the setting sun, the way his breath felt against his skin, the way his fingers felt wrapped around him. It bleeds warmth into Yamamoto's veins, easing away weeks worth of tension as it goes. Despite being alone in their bed, if Yamamoto wills it hard enough, he can still conjure up everything from that day down to the way Gokudera tasted and suddenly, with his own fingers in place of Gokudera's around his cock, he doesn't feel so alone anymore.

* * *

 

The day gets better when he steps out of the shower and there's a message from Gokudera and it's then followed by several more info quick succession; his notifications pinging off like the chirping of an overly excited bird and it makes Yamamoto smile. 

 _Good morning,_  the first message reads and not five minutes later another reads,  _What could you be possibly doing that's more important than me?_

_Wait, I phrased that wrong. You know what I meant_

_You better not be laughing you idiot_

_Well I mean seriously, what could be more important than doing me?_

Yamamoto grins and sets the phone down, leaving Gokudera to stew just a little longer. He doesn't get the opportunity to have the upper hand very often, so it's best to enjoy it for as long as he can. 

He dries off, mussing his hair with the towel before carefully slipping into a suit. His phone chimes again while he's fumbling with his tie. He still hasn't gotten the hang of tying them just right. 

Yamamoto checks his his message, it's Gokudera saying,  _Wake up already and entertain me_ and despite no one being around to catch it, Yamamoto grins wickedly as he types his message.

" _Entertain yourself, I just did. And to answer your question, I suppose doing you in my dreams was more important than not being able to do you at all."_

There's a really long pause before Gokudera responds but when he does it's so worth the wait. 

_YOU ASS_

_I just spilled coffee all over my suit. God dammit Takeshi you are not allowed to say shit like that when I'm not home_

_Or while I'm  in a room full of Vongola personnel listening to a debriefing_

Yamamoto's chuckle is lighthearted and he eases down on the edge of the bed, fumbling underneath it blindly looking for his shoes. 

 _Just call me, you fucker_  

There's a pause and he moves his thumb over to the dialing app when the next message comes in. 

_I miss your voice._

And that breaks the grin on his face into a full fledged smile. Warmth blossoms in his chest and he  _feels_ sixteen all over again, goofy and in love with butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. 

So he calls Gokudera and tells him about the dream. They reminisce and they laugh and Gokudera sounds as if he has everything under control. Yamamoto fills him in on the deal he's to make with Hideaki Makoto, leaving out the part where he gave Tsuna grief for the entire thing. Of course, Gokudera agrees that it makes sense and that it's a good move and despite Yamamoto knowing he's agree with Tsuna anyway, hearing him say it makes him feel more secure in his decision. After all Gokudera knows more about these things than he does. 

After a pause, Gokudera inhales sharply before speaking, his tone low and with set seriousness.

_"Listen to me, Takeshi... I don't want you to worry about me. Just keep your mind clear, do your job and don't give the Tenth any trouble. I'll be home before you know it."_

He pauses again and Yamamoto thinks he's waiting for a response but then he says, 

_"I want you to know that I love you."_

Yamamoto's jaw goes slack and his throat closes up and suddenly there are tears burning in the wells of his eyes. He knows he shouldn't worry, he knows Gokudera is a survivor and he's good at what he does and worrying only insults him but his nightmare haunts him. And no matter how precious this moment is right now, he can't help but feel that these words come in the form of a good bye. 

 _"Hey, you idiot. Are you going to say it back?"_ Gokudera's tone is playful, there's even a laugh in there.  _He's trying,_ Yamamoto thinks and it eases him as it was intended to. 

He laughs suddenly, unable to hide his joy like a giddy school girl. "I love you too," he says, sniffing and wiping away the wetness at his eyes with the back of his hand. Suddenly he feels as if a heavy weight has been lifted off his chest. There's still hope that he and Gokudera still have a chance of normalcy.

 _"Anyway, shouldn't you be getting ready for your business meeting, sushi boy?_ _I didn't mention this earlier but... I had Giannini look into the guy after I managed to get the Tenth to fill me in on why he needed you there. Not that I don't trust the Tenth but no one would be there and I was... Because if..."_ Gokudera's voice trails off and Yamamoto doesn't need him to say the words to know what he's trying to say.

It makes Yamamoto smile even wider, his heart balloon in his chest larger until it threatens to break through his ribs. The fact that Gokudera had checked into this Hideaki guy and that  _he_  was  _worried_ about him. It's the little things that make Yamamoto love Gokudera even more. The things he does when he isn't trying to force himself to be romantic is all proof Yamamoto ever needs to know the other cares about him.  

Rather than commenting, Yamamoto keeps this knowledge close to his heart. "Yeah, you're right," he says. "I should be getting ready or I'm probably going to be late, haha. Anything I need to know about him before I go?"

_"Not really. Guy seems pretty clean. Born and raised in Japan to respectable, middle class parents. Became the owner of several small businesses and kept moving up by turning profit. I couldn't find out why he's interested in your father's shop, other than making money. However Giannini discovered some encrypted information that he's been unable to decipher yet. Takeshi... He also appears interested in your family's dojo."_

Yamamoto raises a brow and scratches at his chin. "The dojo? Dad hasn't been interested in teaching classes since after my mother died."

The call drops before Yamamoto gets an answer and he tries for several minutes afterwards to get through to Gokudera again but he only gets a busy signal. 

With his mind whirling with confusion and worry, Yamamoto finishes getting ready and leaves the apartment, knowing the only person left to ask would be the man himself. 

* * *

 (currently being edited) 

 

Later that evening, Yamamoto still hadn't heard from Gokudera but that was alright, he wasn't going to worry because he had faith in his family and faith in the man he loved. He returned to the Vongola estate where he wrapped up his paper work and decided checked in on Haru Miura before returning to his office.

She sat reading in one of the estate's grand living rooms that had gold gilded trim, deep maroon carpet that was so plush you bounced a little when you walked on it. There were elaborate Italian murals painted on the ceilings and heavy velvet curtains the same colour of the carpet tied back with gold tasseled rope. Soft piano music floated throughout the space and he actually felt like this place was  _inviting_  for once.

"Beautiful music," he said, stepping into the room.

"Hahi! Oh, Takeshi, you frightened Haru."

Yamamoto grinned and sat down in a cream coloured Victorian style wing backed chair also trimmed in gold. "Sorry, I was drawn to the music."

Haru smiled and set down her book. "Haru's surprised that you don't recognize it! It's Gokudera-san's music."

"Goku...dera's?"

She nodded. "Bianchi gave it to Haru to keep Haru relaxed. It works! Doesn't Takeshi listen to Gokudera-san's music?"

Yamamoto smiled. "He doesn't play for me much. I mostly catch him when he thinks he's alone."

Haru clapped her hands together and grinned. "Haru thinks it's romantic!"

"Haha. Yeah, it is."

"Haru can lend it to you sometime."

"Hm?" Yamamoto had been momentarily distracted by the music, still so surprised that someone as hard as Gokudera could play such beautiful melancholy music that pulled at your heartstrings with each key stroke.

Haru smiled. "The CD. Of Gokudera's music."

Yamamoto shook his head. "Thanks, but... I'm a fan of the real thing."  _When he thinks no one's watching, when you can feel his pain or happiness through his fingers. When he's raw and unrestricted and the epitome of beautiful._

Haru's eyes widened and they looked a bit glossy, like she may have tears welling in them. "I'm really happy Gokudera-san has someone that loves him so much. He's a really lucky man, Takeshi."

Yamamoto laughed. "No... I'm the one who's lucky."

Haru bit her lip and smiled sadly and Yamamoto wished hard right then and there that Haru would find someone that would treat her good and love her for the amazing woman she was. He knew she loved Tsuna but she also knew Tsuna loved Kyoko and that didn't make her bitter in the least. Haru really was a special woman.

They both fell silent and Haru went back to her book while Yamamoto leaned his head back and closed his eyes, listening to the music. He imagined Gokudera's fingers on the keys, his soft and focused expression while playing and sometimes he'd smile if he thought no one was watching. He let his mind wander back to when he was fifteen as he drifted off into a light sleep on the serene musical notes that told a story of love.

 _Yamamoto Takeshi was finally finished the Algebra homework he ended up having to do in detention because he failed to do it the night before._ _He grabbed his school bag from his locker and thought about heading over to Tsuna's when he heard some sort of melancholy melody very faintly floating through the school halls._ _He walked towards the music to investigate and stopped when he reached the music room._ _The door was ajar but he couldn't see who was inside, so he just stood there with his back against the wall and closed his eyes, soaking in the beautiful yet solemn piano piece._ _He's there for about six minutes when it comes to an end and he realizes he should make a stealthy run for it to avoid getting in trouble for invading a faculty's privacy._ _He's just about to leave when the door opens and he's frozen, like a deer caught in headlights._ _What's worse is that he's staring into the beet red face of Gokudera Hayato._

_"You... you're awesome, Gokudera!" Yamamoto gushes and he doesn't mean to say anything, it just kind of blurts out._

_"Che! Don't you have any kind of pride, you bastard?! Spying on people like that-"_

_Yamamoto raises his hands in defense. "I wasn't trying to spy on you! I just heard this really beautiful song and I wanted to listen."_

_The red from Gokudera's face hasn't disappeared but seems to have gotten darker. "It's not a song, it's a piece," he finally says, rolling his eyes._

_"Oh... Did you write it?"_

_"No."_

_"So what's the song - er, piece called?"_

_"Do you ever stop talking?" asks a clearly annoyed Gokudera._ _  
_

_They start to walk down the hall and Yamamoto is pleased Gokudera is actually walking beside him, almost shoulder to shoulder._   _Yamamoto laughs it off and looks over at the boy he's started to develop feelings for ever since they came back from the future._ _His cheeks still glow with a pink hue and the amber light from the sunset filtering in from the large hallway windows gives a sparkle to his hair. He's scowling and chewing on his bottom lip, something Yamamoto's noticed he does when he's thinking hard or needs a cigarette._

_With a sigh, he looks over at Yamamoto and meets his gaze but then quickly looks away, scowling. "It's called Moonlight Sonata, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. You're probably too stupid to know who he is."_

_"No, I know who that is," Yamamoto says with a wide grin._

_"Che."_

_"But... why does Gokudera play such sad music?"_

_Gokudera turns, his eyes wide and his pupils blown. He stutters and can't really form a proper sentence and Yamamoto can't help but think he looks so cute when he's flustered._

_He drapes an arm around Gokudera and laughs it off, only making the bomber angrier as he threatens to blow him up if he doesn't let go but Yamamoto notices he's not really trying too hard to break free._

_And so they walk out of the school with Yamamoto's arm hung over Gokudera's shoulders, with Gokudera's empty threats to stick dynamite on certain parts of Yamamoto's body where the sun doesn't shine and they head in the direction of the house of their beloved friend._

_Gokudera never gives him an answer._


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

The next few days are good days. He doesn't hear from Gokudera often but it's often enough to ease his mind. They never talk about his mission or when he'll be coming home.

Hibari is back and threatening to bite people to death that get within fifty feet of him. Yamamoto just laughs and spends a lot of his time actually  _relaxing._

He's even tossed a ball around with Lambo a few times when he's not spending his time with I-Pin.

Tsuna comes home four days later and he's exceptionally happy to see the change in Yamamoto's demeanor.

The estate is beginning to feel a little more like home now that most of the Guardians are there and Tsuna is always exasperated and Kyoko is always cheerful and Sasagawa is always loud but he's the one person Hibari doesn't seem to mind too much.

All that's missing is Reborn and Bianchi to come back from their vacation in California and Chrome's shy but infectious laughs and the antics of the Varia...and Gokudera's loud and annoyed shouting at everyone for disturbing the tenth when he's being the loudest. That's all that's needed to make this place feel like home.

He goes to bed that night with a full stomach and a little buzzed off champagne and kind of feels guilty that he's having so much fun without Gokudera so he decides to call him but his phone is switched off. The next morning he was glad Gokudera's phone had been off because he probably would have interrupted something important and Gokudera would probably be pissed off.

But as the day goes on he doesn't hear from Gokudera but he's not worried yet because he  _is_  working.

By the end of the week, Gokudera's been gone for seven days and Yamamoto hasn't talked to him in two. When he gets a moment alone with Tsuna he asks if he's heard anything about or from Gokudera and the CEDEF. Tsuna tells him no and that he's expecting communication from his father, Iemitsu Sawada, pertaining information sometime that evening and that he'll let him know but only in regards to Gokudera's well being.

Yamamoto doesn't get to see Tsuna for the rest of the evening or the next few days and some of the dread he felt last week is starting to tug at his insides but he kept himself busy, even so much as playing video games with Lambo and shadow boxing with Sasagawa or re-watching the training videos he had gotten from Squalo nearly ten years ago.

By the end of the day, Yamamoto is too tired to think and after locking himself in Gokudera's bathroom with nothing but a bottle of his lotion, lingering scent of Gokudera's cologne and a smoldering cigarette he's usually too spent to even dream.

It's been almost two weeks since Gokudera's been gone and it's been almost a week without talking to him.

The nightmare hasn't come back yet but Yamamoto can feel all the anxiety and fear that comes with it so he stations himself on the third floor of the estate outside of Tsuna's office and waits for him. When Tsuna arrives at around ten pm, Yamamoto tries to keep his cool when he's met with the sullen eyes and pallid skin of his friend. He doesn't say anything to Yamamoto but ushers him into his office, shutting and locking the door behind him.

Yamamoto's heart pounds in a frenzy and he feels like he's in some sort of daze. He may be an idiot but he's good at reading people and he can read sorrow and guilt on Tsuna's face and in his body language when he slumps into the high back leather chair behind his desk and buries his face into his hands.

Yamamoto can't begin to explain the emotions coursing through him right now, he's not smart and can't do them poetic justice. All he knows I's that there's a lump in his throat, tears burning in his eyes, the pit of his stomach is heavy like it's been coated in lead and it feels like he's been pierced in the heart with Shigure Kintoki.

Tsuna finally looks up and Yamamoto tries to draw in a breath but the air is trapped, stagnant in his lungs.

"I've lost contact with Basil and Oregano," he begins. "But there was proof of a coup d'état..."


	9. Chapter 9

 

* * *

There was definitely proof of a coup d'état alright, if the tenth needed his proof he could take it in the form of the approximately seventy men that ambushed Gokudera and his team.

They stood on an icy field in Dmitrov, Russia; a small town just outside Moscow.

Oregano had received information from an informant in regards to a meeting between Gokudera and the Yankov Family's right hand man and his subordinates. They were to discuss a proper espionage mission to root out the members of the coup d'état. Instead they had been caught off guard and Oregano and half his team had been gunned down before the other half of the Yankov Family showed up.

They were clearly outnumbered but not overpowered, between Basil and himself they could probably take down the majority of the men.

"Basil! To my left!" he called.

"Aye, Gokudera-san!"

He didn't like the terrain, it was slippery and wet and difficult to move on. There were patches of dry dirt and gravel on a small hill opposite of his team and he needed to push the Russian men back to get better footing which would in turn get them the upper hand.

He looked at the men in front of him and calculated that the weaker of the men were to the right so he called out to two of his other subordinates to line his right side.

"You guys take fifteen of your men and move behind me to close in the ranks, put Kazaku in front, he'll lead with his katana," Gokudera demanded to another group of subordinates.

Gokudera would handle the middle, where the Russian coup d'état concentrated their heavily armed men from long range to mid range attackers. He knew they'd be focusing on taking down the commander, the Vongola Storm Guardian.

Basil moved to Gokudera's left and gripped his Metal Edge. His face was spattered with Oregano's blood who had taken a bullet straight through the head protecting Basil. Gokudera had to give it to him. If that had happened to one of his friends there's no way in hell he could be as composed.

Gokudera gripped his vintage stainless steel .44 caliber AutoMag with a vented barrel and custom ebony wood grips and checked the magazine cartridge. He had four out of seven rounds before he needed to reload.

He quickly calculated the amount of dynamite he had left on him.

Six out of eight on his left wrist.

Four out of eight on his right.

Seventeen out of the twenty eight inch rocket bombs still strapped to his chest.

All twelve sticks of C-4 hooked into his double strapped belt, that functioned also as a cartridge holder for his magazines, were still there and Gokudera couldn't use them just yet. The blast would cause too many unnecessary casualties.

The utility belts that held his three inch dynamite sticks around his biceps and forearms were untouched. There were twelve on each belt so in total he had fifty-eight mini sticks he could use that would easily disorient the enemy in time for him to squeeze a bullet into their chest.

He grazed over his magazine belt counting only five more cartridges.

This gave him thirty-nine rounds and seventy-five sticks of dynamite and twelve sticks of C-4.

Basil was talented in close combat and Gokudera deduced that the men on his left had either been injured, ran out of ammo or were close ranged combatants. He wasn't too sure about the men behind him but the men he sent to watch his back were just as good as Basil in close combat, almost as good at he was with middle range and Kazaku was no where near as talented as his baseball idiot with a sword but he had confidence in these men. He had confidence in his attack.

"We're going to preform a tactical flank with Basil leading the left, Morelli leading the right and Kazaku leading the rear. Basil and Morelli, you close in the flanks when I throw up the smoke screen.

"After we clear the sides, move into the center from behind if we get that chance. They're all middle to long range combatants so they'll have trouble with close combat. I'll launch a frontal assault and try to take out the brute force of their men. Remember, move on my signal."

Gokudera had sized up the situation and devised a plan all within three minutes. There wasn't much time before bullets started flying.

He puffed on his smoldering cigarette to get a good burn and quickly removed an eight inch rocket bomb and lit it's fuse, hearing the satisfying crackle. He tossed the dynamite into the crowd, raised his AutoMag and took aim for the Russian directly in front of him. He squeezed the trigger and just as the bomb exploded, the bullet pierced the man's chest, bucking him backwards into unsuspecting men.

This all happened in less than a minute.

Gokudera moved in as Basil and Morelli moved out, squeezing off the remaining rounds in his magazine, pulling a mini bomb from the utility belt with the flick of his wrist and flicking it off his thumb like a coin, into the crowd.

He dropped his left hand down to the belts on his hips and grabbed another magazine, slamming it into his gun.

He watched as two of his men on his left were cut down and a bullet grazed his cheek. Pulling three more mini bombs and igniting them on his cigarette, he threw them to his left and yelled at Basil to keep formation.

Another bullet grazed his cheek with such a speed it cut through a lock of his hair. The area burned where the fresh lacerations on his face were.

He looks over in time to see a mobster come at him with a spiked club, swinging for his head while another mobster leaps up off his shoulders to tackle Gokudera.

Gokudera notices the body of one of his fallen men and the Beretta in his open hand.

Quickly measuring the time and distance between him, the dead man and the man who's almost above his head and the other swinging the club, he takes off in a dash and in one swift movement, he slides down in to one of those overly dramatic plate saving motions that he's seen his idiot pull off in whenever he reaches a base during his baseball games.

He slides past the dead man, grabs the Beretta out of his hand and flips onto his back. He aims the Beretta at the man above his head and aims his AutoMag at the club swinger. He let out a vicious roar and squeezed both triggers in unison. The bullets hit his targets right between their eyes at precisely the same moment.

He knows he's slid right into the center of the mob and thinking quickly, he drops the Beretta and reaches for three sticks of dynamite when he realizes he's lost his cigarette and doesn't have time to light a new one. He doesn't have time to reach for his lighter so he drops the bombs and pulls out a mini bomb, igniting the special fuse on his thumbnail and tosses it into the air hoping the smoke screen will buy him enough time because now he's also out of ammunition.

'Gokudera!" he hears Basil yell but his voice is drowned out by the sound of the blast.

He snaps out another magazine and re loads. He tucks and rolls to his left in the direction of Basil.

The sound of the gunshots is deafening. His hearing is muted from the blast and there's a ringing in his ears. He stands, a little shaky because he's equilibrium is out of whack and is surrounded by three men who quickly get the upper hand.

One kicks the gun out of his hand and the other lands an upper cut to his jaw. It knocks him off his feet and his head hits the ice with a hard  _thud._  For a minute he can literally see stars. He shakes his head to rid them and it only makes it worse but he tries to stand anyways.

When he's on all fours, he feels a sharp kick to his ribs, knocking him down to the ice. He's choking and gasping for air.

The man who uppercut him pulls him up by the hair and sneers something in Russian. Gokudera laughs and spits in the Russian's face.

"Oi, you bastard! Haha, you must be cruisin' for a bruisin'," Gokudera snarls and lands a heavy headbutt on the man's head.

This time he blacks out for a minute but he knows he can't waste time so he scurries blindly over to his gun, slipping on the ice, but manages to retrieve it.

He shoots all three men and is rocketed backwards when a bullet hits his shoulder.

Basil has abandoned his flank and it appears from his team he's the only one left. He hurries over to Gokudera and takes a defensive stance in front of him.

"You idiot! Get away from here!" Gokudera says through clenched teeth as a bullet ricochets off Basil's Metal Edge.

He scans the field through blood curtained eyes and notices almost all of his men have been killed.

"Use your C-4!" shouts Basil. He's relentlessly attacking the men who dive forward to tackle them and dodging bullets meant for Gokudera.

And then he feels something warm splatter his face and his eyes are blown wide as Basil is sent flying backwards and into Gokudera's arms.

He looks up, slack-jawed, to see a large man wielding a fully automatic Uzi and Basil's chest has at least four bullet holes. Gokudera frantically searches for a pulse and finds a faint one and before the man opens fire again, he sets Basil down on the ground and empties his magazine into the Uzi thug.

It causes the man to recoil, pressing on the trigger and a spray of bullets enter the sky but not before three have hit Gokudera, one to the chest, one to the shoulder and one grazes his neck.

Pain sears through his body like he's being stabbed by hot pokers and he drops to his knees, reaching for another cartridge but there aren't anymore. Some how he's lost the remaining magazines and his lighter.

"Fuck, fuck, fucking bastard!" he growls but he's determined and he tries to stand when a bullet rips through his thigh forcing him back down to his knees.

He's in an intense amount of pain and now he can't use his right arm because the bullet had torn through the muscle, it's gone completely numb. He can barely stand and he knows the bullet to his neck has nicked his carotid artery and he's loosing a lot of blood.

His vision swims in and out of focus and he can feel himself getting light headed when another bullet hits his abdomen and shorty after one to the side of his head. He keels over in pain, vision blurred and he's now coughing up blood. Fluid is filling his lungs and he can't catch a breath. His head is spinning and throbbing. He's losing consciousness and he doesn't want to but he can't hold on. If it hadn't been for that fucking bullet to head... He knows it must be shallow because he's not dead yet but if he closes his eyes he's afraid he won't wake up.

Gokudera has a passing thought, he's pissed off that these assholes have ruined his expensive suit and he doesn't have a cigarette to smoke. He's  _really_ pissed about that.

_And he has to warn the tenth that the Yankov right hand man is the leader of the coup d'état and he's plotting to overthrow the boss and use the Vongola as a scapegoat to throw off suspicion. He has to warn the tenth..._

_But he's so...tired..._

His field of vision starts to darken and the ice beneath him feels so good against the pain that's spread through his body like wildfire.

Before he slips into a coma, he swears he hears some car doors slamming shut and a symphony of new gunfire ensues. He hears a lot of shouting then and he's not that fluent in Russian but he thinks he hears someone say " _Get that fucking horse!"_  and then he's dragged down into a black abyss.


	10. Chapter 10

 

* * *

Yamamoto leaves Tsuna's office confused and disoriented, not really knowing what to think about what Tsuna has just told him. He's about to step in the elevator when Giannini hurries out almost crashing into Yamamoto. He looks up at Yamamoto with little regard and and heads into Tsuna's office. Sensing something isn't right, he follows Giannini into Tsuna's office in time to hear him tell Tsuna something that makes him a little hopeful.

Tsuna had just been informed by Giannini that he's traced the last signal he could pick up from the CEDEF. He's triangulated the signal somewhere outside Moscow, Russia. Tsuna demanded he bring up a satellite image of the area. After about ten minutes, Giannini brought up an image that dealt a hard blow to Yamamoto's gut, knocking the wind right out of him.

It's a blurred image of a large crop field covered in what looks like snow and ice only Yamamoto can't tell because it's stained a pinkish red tint with blobs of black everywhere. When Yamamoto squints at the image he sees that the black masses at the center are actually  _bodies._  Bodies of friends and foe. His insides turn to ice. He forces a gulp because this image looks too familiar, it's so  _real -_  it  _is_ real. It's his dream. He's looking right at his nightmare. His dream hadn't been a nightmare. It had been a premonition of sorts that had now become a reality. He knew... he  _knew_ something awful was going happen, he could feel it and he  _saw_  it every night for over a week leading up to this point.

His eyes scan the image frantically for that silver hair.

A strangled cry erupted from Tsuna and Yamamoto was backed up against the wall, his lungs aching because he hadn't taken a breath in over two minutes. The silence is painful. Finally,

"How many, Giannini? How many of our men are... dead?" asks Tsuna, his voice threatening to break.

"I can't say for certain, Tenth. Please allow me some time to... do a tally," he says solemnly.

Tsuna crossed his arms and put his face into his hand. He began to pace the room.

"How could this happen?" Tsuna whispers dejectedly. He looks over at Yamamoto and their eyes lock.

Yamamoto sees the same look that he knows reflects the look in his eyes.

"Is... Gokudera?" Tsuna asks, his body beginning to tremble.

"Scanning the area now, Tenth."

It wasn't long before Giannini was saying he couldn't find Gokudera or Basil. There were a few more men missing but over ninety percent of Gokudera's team and the CEDEF team have been wiped out.

 _... can't f_ _ind_ _Gokudera_  ...

The words ring as clear as bell in Yamamoto's ears. They echo like the vibrations off crystal. He feels like Sasagawa has just rammed his fist into his gut and twisted it upwards. He staggers and clutches his chest.

"Yamamoto, it could be okay," Tsuna quickly reassures but his voice is full of false hope. "He could have gotten away, right?"

Yamamoto's gaze drifts over Tsuna, his eyes are glossy and vacant. He doesn't say a word because he's afraid to open his mouth to speak, afraid of what he'll say.

"Yamamoto?"

Yamamoto doesn't hear him. His legs are taking him out of Tsuna's office at a slow pace. He's more disoriented and dazed than before. He doesn't know what to think except the worst. The dream keeps replaying in his head, just the part where Gokudera's jerking violently as his body is pounded with heated copper and lead.

"Yamamoto!"

His name cuts through him like a lightning bolt.

He turns slowly to see Tsuna in the hallway, his eyes are blazing with fury, his small hands clenched at his sides and his tone is low and deep.

"Give me a day. Then we're going."

* * *

The news about Gokudera's disappearance hasn't reached the Guardians yet. Tsuna doesn't want them to know what happened until he knows.

He works through the night, locked in his office with only Giannini, piecing together satellite images to try to get a better understanding of what happened.

He's stressed and aggravated and worried and he struggles not to pick up the phone and call Reborn, the only the only person he can go to for advice now that his two best friends were out of the count. He struggles to not pick up the phone, call Yankov and ask just what the hell  _happened_ out there. Tthere must've been a mole or something,  _something_ went wrong.

He doesn't know what do to and he feels a bit lonely but this is the life of the Vongola Decimo. He has friends and guardias and tutors and mentors but ultimately it comes down to him. Everything comes down on him. And he can have that heavy weight on his shoulders because to see his friends safe and happy and well protected at the end of the day is worth it.

But this... how could he have been so wrong about this? How could he not blame himself for going off on a small family vacation in Paris while Gokudera was thrown into this hell? What kind of boss did that make him?

The dates on the images are from almost a week ago and when he realizes this, his stomach does back flips and he feels like he's going to vomit.

How did he let this happen?

Gokudera and Basil and the remaining members have been missing, maybe dead or being tortured by the Yankov coup d'état and he had been out enjoying a family vacation in Paris with his mom, Kyoko and Ryōhei when Ryōhei should have been here to help Gokudera.

When  _he_ should have been here to help him.

He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what he  _should_  do.

He knows Yamamoto's answer is revenge, he could already see it in his eyes. He wants it to, of course he does. No one messes with his best friends, his  _family,_  but he can't afford to be rash and reckless, that's never been his style anyways.

He's always had direction and advice from his friends, from Reborn. Now he's left to decide on his own.

He's made his mind up about one thing, though. If he can't figure things out by this time tomorrow he's going to Russia with his Guardians and a Vongola army and they will feel the wrath of the Vongola Decimo.


	11. Chapter 11

 

* * *

Yamamoto doesn't want to stay at the estate. He wants to be home where he's reminded of Hayato in every corner of their house.

He leaves in a daze and he hears Ryohei call out to him but he just keeps on moving.

He doesn't know how because he isn't aware of his actions but he makes it down and out to the carport where he gets in his 1976 sapphire blue Corvette Stingray.

_"Isn't it awesome?! I've always loved these kinds of sports cars."_

_Gokudera scoffs. "I know, they're all over your wall amongst your stupid baseball posters. And no, it's not awesome. It's too goddamned flashy. We're fiucking mafioso for Christ sake, not celebrities. We don't want to go around advertising our presence. Che, don't you ever think?"_

_Yamamoto scowls for a minute and then he's back to beaming, his chest puffed out and he's running his hand along the hood of his newly purchased 1976 Corvette Stingray in a sapphire blue. He says it's his favorite colour besides the colour of Gokudera's eyes but he couldn't quite match that colour perfectly enough._

_Gokudera just scowls at him. "You're too much," he says and leans on the hood, lighting a cigarette._

_Yamamoto laughs and stands in front of Gokudera, wrapping his long arms around the slender man's waist. He puts a knee between Gokudera's legs and grinds it against his crotch. "Ne, Gokudera... wanna try out the backseat?"_

He drives blindly along the streets of Sicily and everywhere reminds him of Gokudera. There's that favourite espresso bar he makes them go to every time they're at the estate. A music shop he sometimes goes in to. The deli and the butcher's shop and the farmer's market they go to when they need to stock their fridge at home. There are his imprints everywhere.

The orange glow of the street lamps he passes cascade over him and he can't think straight. He just sees the light pass over him and then it's dark for a second, then the light returns. He compares the contrast to himself and Gokudera.

He's dark and Gokudera is light. And he's not talking about the colour of their hair, their eyes or the colour of their skin. He's talking about what's on the inside.

Yamamoto knows that there's a darkness lurking inside of him and he's pretty sure it's always been there but it's just been lying in wait. Lying dormant until five years ago when he made his first kill. His first  _real_  kill.

_He decapitates a man that's about to put a bullet in Tsuna's head. He doesn't even remember what happened, just that he's standing in front of a headless body panting heavily and Tsuna's eyes are blown wide and eyeing him warily. Everyone is regarding him that way except Gokudera._

_Gokudera's eyes are full of sadness and understanding and he doesn't look at him with fear or with judgment, only love. Later that night Yamamoto washes the blood away in a hot shower with Gokudera pressed against his back, his arms snaked around his waist, occasionally kissing Yamamoto's shoulder blade and humming a soothing tune._

_Yamamoto feels like he's doing more than just washing the blood and dirt off him, he feels like he's cleansing the tainted soul of a man who's just woken up some sort of primitive creature inside him. He feels like he should be more ashamed or frightened that he's just killed a man but in all honesty, he enjoyed it. He loved the feeling of adrenaline coursing through his veins, he loved that hollow feeling he felt right before he blacked out. He loved the way Gokudera looked at him afterwards._

_Gokudera isn't his usual self that night. In a very open and vulnerable moment that shocks Yamamoto, he tells him that he's sorry he had to do that and that it should have been him that killed that man, Not because he was Tsuna's right hand man but that Yamamoto should never have to sully his pure hands or taint his innocent heart and soul because of something so ugly. He tells him that's why he tried so hard in the beginning, cutting him down and trying to chase him away. It was to discourage him from this kind of life._

_Yamamoto is speechless. Gokudera has never been so open and honest with him and he feels horrible that Gokudera has tried so hard to keep him away and he came along for the ride anyways. He feels terrible that he's enjoying the very thing Gokudera wanted to protect him from and he feels so guilty because he'd do it again just for the rush._

_He curled into Yamamoto then, wrapping himself around him and nuzzled his face into his chest. Yamamoto let himself be enveloped by his emanating warmth and that's when he realizes that Gokudera is light. That he and Gokudera are completely the opposite of each other except not in the way Gokudera thinks. Yamamoto isn't pure, he isn't innocent and Gokudera is vulnerable and soft, not hateful and cold hearted like he thinks. This man is a ray of light no matter how dark his past was; he was light and that's how he got through it all._

_And Gokudera's light suppresses the darkness inside him until it returns again the next time his friends are in danger and sure enough, Gokudera is there and he's not afraid of him. He's understanding and comforting and he brings Yamamoto back from the brink again._

And without Gokudera he thinks he'd become a monster, maybe. Or he thinks he might just kill himself. He's tried to kill himself before, when he was young and stupid but maybe now, he thinks, he'd probably just kill, he'd just keep killing. If he was forced to live a life without Gokudera Hayato he would just kill everything. There'd be no light shedding in on his darkness, no one to bring him back from the edge and it  _would_  be the same as jumping off a ledge because he would be dead inside anyways.

Now that Yamamoto really thinks about it, he really isn't whole without Gokudera. He's the yang to Yamamoto's yin, even if it sounded cliché.

He pressed his foot on the gas pedal, accelerating for the last stretch of lonely road before pulling into the driveway of their home. He can't wait to get inside and be around Gokudera's things because he could feel himself slipping.

Once inside he's throwing his keys somewhere in the dark and ripping off his jacket, loosening the tie that feels like its strangling him. He tears open his dress shirt because now he feels like he's suffocating and the cool air hits his skin in an exhilarating rush that makes the hair on his neck stand up.

He races to their bedroom where he sees Gokudera's spent t-shirt in the laundry hamper and he grabs it and inhales his scent; the faint smell of vanilla from his shampoo, the musky cologne that was never overpowering and the stale but not pungent smell of cigarettes.

As he breathes into the t-shirt he feels a rushing wave of calm wash over him; his anxiety and adrenaline dissipate and he imagines this is what it must feel like when you're on edge and take that first drag of a cigarette to calm your nerves.

He holds the t-shirt to his bare chest and if he thinks hard enough he can almost feel the small but not frail frame of the man he can't live without fill the t-shirt, his long shaggy hair brushing against his skin and ghostly arms wrapping around his neck.

And suddenly Yamamoto is exhausted and their bed is so appealing right now because it's another calming reminder of his light.

He discards the t-shirt for the heavy comforter and scent of their two bodies that still linger here. He pulls Gokudera's pillow into a cuddle like he would if Gokudera were here and let's the sheer memory of him lull him to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

 

* * *

Yamamoto dreams.

He's been having dreams of the future and has seen nothing but chaos and despair and loss and ugliness.

Yamamoto dreams. He dreams things were different, he dreams he met the only person he's ever loved in another life, in another universe and that they didn't have to go through all this. He dreams things were back to the way they used to be when they were teenagers.

And so, Yamamoto dreams.

* * *

_When Gokudera answered the door, Yamamoto could see just how sick he really was._

_His eyes were half lidded and there was a soft pink hue in his cheeks._ _His silver locks had been pulled back, he wore a solid red t-shirt and black shorts and he wasn't wearing any jewellery._

_Yamamoto had never seen him without his rings or the tangle of chains and leather around his neck._

_"Ugh... What do you want, yakyū baka?" His voice came out nasally and stuffy._

_"I brought you some soup," Yamamoto said, flashing a grin._

_"Go away, your stupid smile is too bright," Gokudera complained._

_"Ah Gokudera, don't be like that," he said, pushing his way into Gokudera's small apartment. "Tsuna told me you were sick and since I had to come this way anyways, I thought I'd come check up on you."_

_"I don't need you to check in on me, idiot. I have a cold, I'm not dying. Now go home so I can sleep."_

_Yamamoto made his way into the kitchen, searching Gokudera's cupboards for a bowl._

_"Oi! Don't just come in here and rummage through my house, you bastard!"_

_Yamamoto laughed. "I bet you haven't eaten yet today. Gokudera seems especially grouchy."_

_"Tch! It's because I have an imbecile in my house annoying me."_

_Yamamoto laughed. No matter how many times he put him down, he could never take it seriously._

_Gokudera let out a loud and over-dramatically annoyed sigh, sat on his couch and lit a cigarette._

_"You shouldn't be smoking when you're sick," Yamamoto said as the acrid smell invaded his nostrils._

_"Fuck off. You shouldn't be here when I'm sick."_

_Yamamoto came out of the kitchen with a bowl of soup and set it down on the coffee table in front of Gokudera._

_"I said-"_

_Yamamoto plucked the cigarette out of Gokudera's mouth._

_"Oi, I was smoking that!"_

_"Eat," Yamamoto demanded._

_"Don't wanna," Gokudera said, crossing his arms and sticking his nose up in the air._

_Yamamoto crushed the cigarette out in the ashtray on the coffee table and sat cross legged in front of Gokudera on the opposite side._

_"I'm not leaving unless you do."_

_Gokudera's eyebrow twitched with annoyance and he picked up the bowl and spoon._

_"Listen to me, yakyū baka... I'm not eating this because you're making me, I'm eating it because I don't have the energy to blow your ass up and I want you to leave me alone already."_

_Yamamoto laughed. "Right, right."_

_Gokudera ate the soup, occasionally stopping to remind Yamamoto of how much he disliked him and how Yamamoto's intelligence affected his well being._

_"Feel better?" Yamamoto asked cheerfully after Gokudera set the bowl down._

_"No... you're still here," he said, scowling. He paused and looked down at Yamamoto and then his eyes rolled to the back of his head. He keeled forward._

_Yamamoto shot up and reached over the table to keep Gokudera from falling through the glass top._

_"Gokudera!"_

_"Che, get your hands off me. I'm fine," he muttered tiredly._

_"But you almost just fainted," Yamamoto said with a frown. He could feel the searing heat off Gokudera's skin._

_"It's probably because you tried to poison me so you could be Tenth's right hand man."_

_Yamamoto laughed. "Nah. You must have a fever," he mused._

_"I'll be fine once you stop pestering me and go home, yakyū baka!"_

_Yamamoto stepped over the coffee table and braced his knees on either side of Gokudera, sitting on his lap and pinning his wrists to the back of the couch. He looked into Gokudera's eyes, which were now wide with shock and confusion and said,_

_"I'm not leaving you."_

_G_ _okudera blinked. "Yama..."_

_He leaned in and kissed Gokudera with an open mouth, feeling the heat from the fever in his lips. He wouldn't let go of Gokudera because he didn't want to give him the opportunity to push him away._

_It's been a while since they kissed or did anything together and Yamamoto had been worried that maybe Gokudera was getting bored of him, maybe Gokudera had changed his mind and was done playing house with another boy._

_Though they weren't boys anymore, they were seventeen. Almost men._

_Gokudera's response to the kiss wasn't chaste. He slipped his tongue through Yamamoto's lips and swirled it around, coaxing Yamamoto to respond._

_Yamamoto released his grip on Gokudera and he instantly tangled his fingers in Gokudera's hair, pushing out the band that held it in place._

_Gokudera wrapped his arms around Yamamoto's waist and moved his hands up Yamamoto's shirt, running them along the muscles in his back._

_When they pulled apart it was only to catch a quick breath and then they were crushing their lips together once more in a bit of a sloppy frenzy._ _Gokudera pulled Yamamoto's shirt over his head and began kissing his pecks, swirling his tongue around a nipple, gently squeezing it between his teeth._

_Yamamoto leaned back and pulled Gokudera's head up by his hair to kiss him again, taking in his lower lip with his teeth and nibbling on it, kissing down his neck and licking the sensitive spot behind his ear._

_Gokudera_   _laid_ _back on the couch, pulling Yamamoto on top of him._

_Yamamoto sat up, straddling him, and pulled off Gokudera's t-shirt. He ran his hands along the heated, porcelain skin, flicking his thumbs over hard nipples. He pinched one of Gokudera's pink buds between his thumb and index fing_ _er, rubbing and tugging at it._

_Gokudera reached out and undid the button Yamamoto's pants, using the waistband of his boxers to pull Yamamoto back down on top of him where he kissed him fervently._   _He pulled Yamamoto's tongue in to his mouth with his tongue, wrapped his lips around it and sucked._

_Yamamoto moaned in his mouth while he dug his hips down and grinded against the flimsy fabric of Gokudera's shorts._

_This must be something new Gokudera's thought up and Yamamoto thinks it feels amazing._

_Gokudera reached into Yamamoto's boxers and curled his slender fingers around his cock and pumped, releasing Yamamoto's tongue._

_Yamamoto thrust into his hand while he buried his face in the crook of Gokudera's neck, groaning against his skin. Gokudera's hot breath in his ear made his whole body tingle._

_He lifted his head and looked down at Gokudera, who's face was still flushed a soft pink and his eyes were closed, his thick silver lashes brushing his cheeks. He's never seen such captivating beauty._

_He leaned in and kissed Gokudera's chin, down his throat and down his chest to his navel._

_Gokudera's hands went up and he curled his fingers into Yamamoto's thick, raven hair._

_Yamamoto tugged down Gokudera's shorts and was astounded by two things._ _**The first** _ _\- he was actually able to remove Gokudera's pants with ease as opposed to having to struggle with thick studded belts and unbelievably tight jeans._ _T_ _**he second** _ _\- Gokudera hadn't been wearing anything underneath his shorts._

_Yamamoto uttered a low, lustful growl that kind of surprised himself. He unconsciously licked his lips at the sight of Gokudera's stiff and flushed red erection and sparse patch of pubic hair. Gokudera was always neat and tidy._

_Not stopping to think, Yamamoto ran the flat of his tongue along the base of his shaft, cupping him and sliding his tongue up to the leaking head. Yamamoto dipped his tongue in the slit before sliding it back down again, making sure he neglected no part of Gokudera's cock before greedily taking all of him into his mouth._

_Gokudera's breath hitched and he arched his back. His fingernails kneaded in Yamamoto's scalp like claws of a cat in heat._

_Yamamoto's eyes glided up to Gokudera's face where he saw the silverette's eyes shut, cheeks flushed and mouth parted slightly. That face along with the soft, erotic moans coming from that mouth only encouraged Yamamoto to continue stroking and sucking Gokudera's engorged flesh._

_Gokudera's hips wantonly buck forward and Yamamoto uses both his hands to press down on those sharp hips, forcing his lower half into the cushion. He followed with his mouth, wrapping his lips around the bottom of Gokudera's shaft and deepthroating, swirling his tongue around his length._

_Gokudera moaned in a way Yamamoto had never heard before and Yamamoto pulls up, keeping his lips closed tight around Gokudera's cock and tugging it with his mouth._

_"Ah fuck! Stop!"_

_Yamamoto pulls away, alarmed at the urgency in Gokudera's voice, afraid he might have been too rough._ _"O-over there," Gokudera breathes, nodding lazily towards the coffee table._

_Yamamoto turns around and scans the coffee table. He's unsure of what Gokudera is talking about so he looks back him quizzically._

_"The Vaseline, you idiot," he says lovingly._

_Yamamoto is still a little confused but he reaches out a long arm and grabs the small tube Vaseline off the coffee table. He is too hot and too lost in ecstasy to mouth proper sentences so he just cocks his head and gives a look of puzzlement._

_Gokudera, most likely getting the wrong impression, scowls and says,_

_"My lips were chapped, asshole. Now will you fucking hurry up?"_

_Yamamoto smiles sheepishly, he's still new at all this. "What does Gokudera want me to do?" he purrs._

_Gokudera growls and rolls his eyes. Yamamoto knows he's so prudish when it comes to voicing these things but he kind of likes the idea of Gokudera having to say aloud just what exactly he wants Yamamoto to do to him._

_Gokudera sits up, breathing heavily still and beet red in the face. His pupils are blown and he chews on his lip. "Let's do it," he says. His eyes full of determination and it's more of a suggestion than the erotic demand Yamamoto was hoping for but he understands._

_He arches a thin brow and looks down at Gokudera. "Are you sure?"_

_Gokudera scowls and grabs Yamamoto's face in his hands. His glowing green eyes are lidded and hazy and Yamamoto can't tell if it's because of lust or because he's sick._

"Just. Fuck. Me _."_

_And Yamamoto has to try really hard not to let his jaw hit the floor so he settles for smashing his lips against Gokudera's and pushing him back down on the couch. He kisses his way down Gokudera's chest while he struggles to divest himself of his remaining clothing._

_He fumbles with the tube of Vaseline and he can tell Gokudera is getting annoyed_ _._

_"Hurry up, you bastard... I'm cold," he groans but it sounds like a plea. And even though it's nasally, it sounds like he's desperate and begging_ _and Yamamoto thinks it's one of the sexiest things to come out of Gokudera's mouth._

_He slides a palm across Gokudera's thigh and runs a finger down his crease a few times, never quite concentrating on the hole. He hears Gokudera groan impatiently and he bites his lip to hold back a chuckle._

_Finally he takes pity and_ _slides his lubricated middle finger down to the ringed muscle and gently pushes the tip in and Gokudera tenses up. Yamamoto pushes his finger in a little further and wraps his lips around Gokudera's hardening cock once more in hopes to relax him a bit._

_It works because Gokudera is clutching Yamamoto's hair and unknowingly spreading his legs further apart for better access. He lets out a low growl and clenches his muscle as Yamamoto attempts two fingers to their second knuckle in an effort to open him up a little._

_He has not doubts that Gokudera is a virgin and the fact that Yamamoto is his first thrills him to no end._

_He's scissoring Gokudera's hole and sucking on his cock and Gokudera isn't shy about the noises that he's making now._

_Yamamoto wants to ask him again if he's sure but he doesn't want to break Gokudera from his unadulterated bliss. So he slowly pulls out his fingers leaving Gokudera panting and trembling and he lubricates his own cock, stopping to stroke a few times while Gokudera watches, his eyes filled with a dark arousal._

_Yamamoto kneels in between Gokudera's legs and pulls them up over his hips and Gokudera hooks his ankles together across the small of Yamamoto's back._

_Yamamoto grips his hip as he pushes the tip of his cock into Gokudera's throbbing hole and Gokudera snarls from the pain but hides it by saying,_

_"Will you just fucking hurry up? I'm not a fucking China doll."_

_And Yamamoto obliges, pushing into him and Gokudera draws in a breath while he has a white knuckle grip on Yamamoto's bicep._

_When Yamamoto finally hilts inside him, he earns a loud "Ah, fuck!" from Gokudera and four crescent shaped marks in his forearm and he thinks he should stop and give Gokudera some time to adjust but Gokudera rolls his hips beneath him urging him to continue._

_He slides out part way and thrusts in again slowly, burying his cock to its base inside Gokudera's heated core._ _He rocks slow and steady as Gokudera uses his heels to push Yamamoto in to set the pace._

_As much as Yamamoto is enjoying this, fucking in this position is really uncomfortable for someone so tall so he_ _lifts Gokudera's left leg to his shoulder and wraps his hand around his thigh. He uses the palm of his other hand to spread out Gokudera's other leg, moving it off the couch so it gives Yamamoto more room to adjust. He's also trying to stretch him out a bit so that he can start to thrust harder and faster because that's all he can think about right now._

_Gokudera feels so good, the walls of his cavity are like warm velvet wrapping around Yamamoto's cock and it takes everything in him not to come right then._

_Now that Gokudera's not in control of the rhythm, h_ _e thrusts harder and a little bit faster, pressing his fingertips into the leg that's stretched out on his chest. He thinks the muscles in Gokudera's thigh are_ _probably_ _burning from the position so he allows that one leg to wrap around him._

_Gokudera's hair is fanned out around him like some sort of sparkling halo, his skin glistens with sweat and oh god, the sounds that are coming out of his mouth give Yamamoto some sort of carnal pleasure that makes him pound harder into Gokudera's ass._

_Gokudera is biting down on his knuckles, whimpering and stifling his cries. He rubs and strokes his own dick with his free hand. His face is contorted into an expression of pain and pleasure._

_He looks like a hot mess and Yamamoto is_ **_so_ ** _turned on by it._

_Yamamoto leans in, putting the pressure on Gokudera's thigh once more and licks a hard stripe along Gokudera's collar bone. Gokudera is pulling on his hair and he keeps repeating "fuck" and "oh god" over and over in between his moans while_   _his back is arched and his eyes are still squeezed shut._

_One day, Yamamoto will make Gokudera look him straight in the face while they fuck so that he can see the want and the need for him in those stunning viridian eyes but for now he's satisfied with the tight warmth that surrounds his erection and the wanton sounds coming out of that crass mouth._

_Yamamoto wraps a hand around Gokudera's hand on his cock and strokes at the pace that he's fucking. He thrusts upwards and he realizes he's hit that 'spot' when Gokudera barks out an "Fuck, there!" and tilts his hips up._

_Yamamoto slows the pace so he can push deep into that position, stroking Gokudera's prostate slow and hard. He can feel the heat rising in his belly and a surging wave of relief washes over him as he comes, crying out Gokudera's name as he does. Then he feels Gokudera's hot spray hit his chest and he practically screams Yamamoto's given name._

_He lays on top of Gokudera, spent and covered in sweat and come, listening to the thudding of Gokudera's heart._

_He smiles to himself as he thinks their first time isn't as awkward and sloppy as he'd thought it would be but that they fit quite well together, like pieces of a puzzle._

_Gokudera's shivering underneath him and Yamamoto wraps himself around him but he just grunts and pushes Yamamoto off of him, wincing when Yamamoto pulls out. He's never been one to cuddle._

_Gokudera stands a little shakily and makes his way to his bedroom. He looks back and arches an eyebrow and Yamamoto takes that as an invitation._

_So he bolts up off the couch and follows Gokudera to his bedroom where he slips under the covers of his bed with him._

_Gokudera lays on his side, back to Yamamoto and Yamamoto wraps an arm around him, pulling him close and resting his chin on Gokudera's shoulder._

_"Ne, Gokudera... For a while there I thought you didn't want to do this anymore," Yamamoto said quietly._

_Gokudera doesn't respond._

_"Ma, I'm happy that Gokudera still likes me then," he said, squeezing him in and grinning_ _against the warm skin._

_"Don't talk anymore," Gokudera mutters_ _and he puts his hand over Yamamoto's and entwines their fingers._

_Holding hands and being so close to him like this, naked and vulnerable makes Yamamoto feel really warm inside. He can still hear the soft but rapid thudding of Gokudera's heart and wonders why it's beating so fast. Yamamoto smiles and he thinks that it's just because Gokudera's a smoker and he's out of shape but the rest of him seems to be calm. It doesn't matter because it's a beautiful sound anyways, it's got a tranquil effect on Yamamoto like listening to the rolling waves of an ocean._

_And at that moment he realizes he can't think of anywhere else he'd rather be._

_Not at Takesushi, not at Tsuna's and not even at a baseball field during a baseball game._

_"Gokudera -_ _"_

_"Sleep," Gokudera demands and Yamamoto complies, closing his eyes and basking in the afterglow of losing his virginity to his first love._


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

"Ugh, I don't understand any of this! Who would have access to do something like that?" Tsuna asks Giannini, his lips pressed into a grim line.

He hasn't slept and it's the middle of the following day.

He hasn't heard from Yamamoto yet and he's a bit worried.

"I'm not sure, Juudaime. Perhaps Spanner-san might know," Giannini says tiredly. He hasn't slept either.

Tsuna ran a hand through his hair. "I'd really like to keep this between us for now. I'm really not sure what's going on with Yankov and before I say anything, I need to make sure there's no imminent danger," he said with a sigh. His head was beginning to throb.

"Forgive me, Tenth, but I really think Spanner-san or Irie-san might be better at handling this."

Tsuna looked over his shoulder at Giannini. His skin was paler than normal and his eyes were half lidded. Tsuna gave him a weak smile. "Ah, I'm sorry, Giannini. You must be pretty tired to pass this off to the competition. I suppose involving those two wouldn't hurt... Could you please discreetly page them to my office and then get some rest?"

"Of course, Tenth. Thank you. And good luck, I'll continue to help once I've gotten some rest... Forgive me again, Tenth, but you should as well."

"I know... but I can't. I've rested enough."

Giannini finishes the last of his work and takes his leave. Tsuna is alone with his thoughts for a moment. They're interrupted by the shrill ringing of his telephone.

"Hello?" he answers wearily.

"Boss?" It's Chrome." She's quieter than usual.

"Is everything alright?" Tsuna asks, not bothering to mask his deep concern.

"Well, no... not exactly. One of the illusion traps I had placed near the estate has been tripped."

Tsuna is still not one hundred percent sure how Chrome and Mukuro's illusions work and he sighs heavily. He doesn't mean to but he is  _so_ tired.

"Meaning what?"

He's forgotten how shy Chrome is still and he guesses his tone must have made her uncomfortable because she's silent now.

"Sorry, Chrome," he quickly apologizes. "It's been a long day. Please continue."

It's quiet for a little while and then she speaks, "An enemy has entered Vongola territory. There's more than one, less than a hundred. Mukuro-sama is trying to get a better reach but I'm afraid we're too far away. Be careful, boss."

And then there's a click and a dial tone.

Tsuna's insides freeze over and he's left with an overwhelming sense of dread. Chrome's warning is too obscure and he's dumbfounded.

However, he's not stupid, just no good sometimes but he  _knows_  that Gokudera's disappearance and this new situation are connected.

He's got to involve the Guardians now. He's left with no other choice.

He summons Hibari and Ryōhei to his office just as Spanner and Irie enter it.

He debates on whether to call Yamamoto. He's nervous because he knows Yamamoto is a little on edge right now and Tsuna has seen him lose it several times. It's like he becomes a different person and sometimes he  _scares_ Tsuna.

He knows he'll have to tell him everything eventually but he decides to wait until he briefs the other two Guardians.

Right now he's got to brief Irie and Spanner.

"Vongola," Spanner regards with a nod, his lollipop jittering on his lips as he spoke.

Irie gives a small smile and a short wave.

Tsuna pinches the bridge of his nose and draws in a breath.

"Sorry to have called you guys away from your work but it's urgent. I can't explain much right now but I've been looking over some satellite images from a week ago and I can only retrieve a few. Before a certain time I'm not able to access them. Do you know who or what could have caused this?"

Irie shrugs. "I'd have to analyze the images. Where are you looking?"

"Moscow, Russia."

Irie frowns. "Russia huh... it could be a number of things."

Tsuna sighed. "I just need you and Spanner to look into it for me. Find the missing images or the cause for the interception. And I need you to hurry. Stop all projects until you've found something."

They both nodded.

"You guys... are life savers. It'd be really great if you could have something by sundown."

"You've got it, Vongola."

The two engineers left the room as Ryōhei and Hibari entered. Tsuna felt like his office should have a revolving door.

"What's going on?" asked Ryōhei. His skin glistened with beads of sweat and it didn't surprise Tsuna that he had been working out.

"Listen you guys, I need you to hear me out before you say anything. I don't have a lot of time."

Ryōhei nodded and sat down while Hibari moved from the door, shut it and leaned against the wall.

Tsuna explained the situation from the beginning, starting with the outline of Gokudera's mission, what had happened to Gokudera and his team, along with the CEDEF and finally ending it with Chrome's enigmatic message.

Ryōhei's response was typical, he was worried and pumped up to the extreme.

Hibari of course didn't say much except to point out that he was looking forward to biting some herbivores to death, to which Tsuna sighed and Ryōhei complained that he'd hog all the extreme action.

They left Tsuna to prepare and wait for his signal and Tsuna slumped back into his chair.

He pages Lambo and asks him to take a few men and scout the surrounding areas of the estate for any threats and orders him not to engage. Lambo has become quite docile over the years and regards Tsuna with the utmost amount of respect.

He wanted to close his eyes and sleep for just a minute but he knew he didn't even have a minute to spare.

Tsuna reluctantly calls Yamamoto and when he picked up the tone of his voice sent chills down Tsuna's spine.

He explained Chrome's message but didn't tell him that they were unable to retrieve any images of during the fight between Gokudera and the coup d'état, just asks him to come in because they'll need all the help they can get.

He wants to apologize to Yamamoto during the uncomfortable silence, apologize for not being a good friend or a responsible boss but he feels like playing the blame game wouldn't make Yamamoto deal with this any better.

After at least a minute of silence, Yamamoto tells Tsuna he'll be there in an hour and hangs up the phone.

He doesn't ask anything regarding Gokudera.

Tsuna chalks it up to the fact that he probably just wants to ask in person but Yamamoto's tone is different. It's cold and hollow and Tsuna can't quite explain it but he  _feels_  like somehow Yamamoto is very far away right now and he's not talking about distance.

For a moment Tsuna feels a lump in his throat and a fissure run through his heart. He's losing his grip on his family, he's failing as a boss and as a friend and if Reborn was here to witness his family falling apart at the seams, slipping right through his fingers, he'd be disgusted by Tsuna's cowardice and lack of authority.

Tsuna lowers his head to muffle his sobs in the crook of his arm and silently prays for a miracle.


	14. Chapter 14

 

* * *

Yamamoto struts through the halls of the estate with his head is held high, his suit is pristine and Shigure Kintoki is slung over his shoulder.

The air given off by him isn't a pleasant one. It's smug and shallow; it's cocky and cold.

He's a little annoyed that he's arrived at the estate and nothing is happening. He's got an internal itch he needs to scratch and he just might snap completely if he has sit around this hell hole and wait.

Yamamoto is almost to his office when he feels a hand come down on his shoulder, squeezing it slightly but with a firm grip. He can tell who it is without looking back but he does anyways.

"Uh, sorry about Octopus Head. You know, ever-"

Ryōhei cuts off in mid sentence when Yamamoto's cold, hazel eyes flitter to the hand on his shoulder up to the boxer's face.

He narrows his eyes and Ryōhei takes his hand off Yamamoto's shoulder and takes a cautionary step backward.

Yamamoto brushes his shoulder off and turns without regarding Ryōhei or the other people in the hallway who have stopped to stare because they've noticed a change in the Rain Guardian too.

He gets into his office and sets his katana down on his desk. There isn't anything personal in here really because he doesn't spend much time here at all. When he's not out in the field on a mission, he's wherever Gokudera is.

He slides a finger along his dark mahogany desk till he reaches the edge where he stops, pondering.

He has a little drawer of keepsakes that no one knows about, not even Gokudera. They are things he keeps only to himself when he wants to feel nostalgic about pleasant times, keeping those memories for himself.

There are items that he's kept that were given to him by Tsuna and his father, a coloured scribble of him and Lambo that Lambo drew for him when he was seven, Reborn's fedora that he sliced through the day he perfected his techniques and told him about the Arcobaleno, a pressed lily given to him by I-Pin when she was ten - he kept it because it was a cute gesture that made him smile - but mostly all of the items he had were things that reminded him of Gokudera.

There's a pair of baseball ticket stubs from the very first game he managed to drag Gokudera to and it was when they were fifteen and Tsuna was busy training. He knows that's the only reason Gokudera went with him but Yamamoto often stole glances at the bomber during the game and he always looked intrigued and entertained.

There's a picture that no one else has, taken at his dad's restaurant of the three of them and for once, Yamamoto is in the center, Tsuna on his right and Gokudera on his left. He has one arm around each of them and Gokudera is actually  _smiling_. It was New Years, when they were fourteen.

He still has his spare key to Gokudera's old apartment back in Japan, given to him by Gokudera when he was eighteen for all the times Yamamoto complained about coming by and having to wait a good twenty minutes before Gokudera would answer the door because he was busy or lost in a book or something stupid like that. It left Yamamoto pulling out his hair with worry for those twenty minutes, never knowing if Gokudera was alright, so  _reluctantly_ Gokudera gave him a key and said it was to stop him complaining but Yamamoto knew how to read between the lines when it came to Gokudera.

There was a note to Yamamoto written in G-Script and when he asked, Gokudera told him the note said that he was a stupid baseball idiot but Yamamoto had his doubts.

There was a pen with a chewed cap that Gokudera threw at him in one of his tantrums.

There's a silver and sapphire stud earring that Gokudera lost in his office after one of their rough, late night rendezvous that Yamamoto never gave back, a ribbon he tied his hair back with, a pair of his old glasses and a broken chain too.

He wants to open it and take a look and be reminded of him but he's nervous of opening the flood gates. He doesn't want to feel the tight pain in his chest, feel like his heart is being clawed to shreds, feel that lump in his throat or the stinging of tears in his eyes. He doesn't want to feel  _anything._

So he decides against it, leaving the items locked away like his emotions. The recollections will remain ghosts of his memory... and eventually Gokudera will join them.

He walks over to the large window covered in crushed blue velvet curtains and pulls them open.

The weather today is very fitting for his mood. He thinks that's why he can stand to look outside.

The sun is suffocating behind darkened skies, the clouds are angry and swollen and the wind is sharp like shards of glass. It's the beginning of a storm, like the storm that's raging inside of him.

He takes a look at the clouds and they're ready to explode at the seams with a vicious downpour and that's exactly how he feels.

He can't wait to unleash this darkness.

* * *

Kyoko frowned at the sight before her. Tsuna looked very sick, his skin was pale, his hair was matted and flat, his eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying. She knew that there was something up, something going but of course, he wasn't going to tell her about it. She thought maybe it might have something to do with the way that Yamamoto had been acting and the fact that Gokudera seemed to have been gone for too long this time.

He looked more stressed out than usual and he hadn't come to bed last night, leaving her to believe there was something  _really_  bad happening, she just wished he'd tell her what.

"Kyoko-chan... I need you to do something for me and I know it's not fair, but please don't ask any questions."

Kyoko looks up at Tsuna and she can see the pain and suffering in his tired eyes.

She had came to his office to see if he was alright, though she rarely does because this part of him is separated from their lives, that's the way he keeps it.

Kyoko smiled and cupped his cheek in her hand. "Tsu-kun, you don't have to worry so much. Just tell me what you need." She smiled for him and brushed her hand through his hair.

Tsuna sighed and hung his head low. "I need you to take the staff and Haru, I-Pin and Lambo down to the underground base. Don't be alarmed, it's just a precaution."

She frowned a little but then smiled for Tsuna once more, hoping she could see him do the same. He didn't.

"Of course I can do that," she said cheerfully but it didn't match the dread she felt tightening a knot in her stomach.

"Thank you," Tsuna said, pulling away from her.

"Is everything going to be okay?"

"Of course, Kyoko-chan." Tsuna smiled for her but she was good at reading him and there was fear in those large brown eyes.

"Okay... when do you need me to start?"

"As soon as possible. I have to make a few calls, try not to raise a panic."

"O-okay..."

Tsuna's brow creased and he frowned. "I'm so sorry for putting this on your shoulders."

Kyoko smiled for him and rested her hand on his shoulder. "We're here to support you too, so don't worry, leave it to Haru-chan and me."

She gave him quick peck on the cheek and left Tsuna's office before he could see the tears that had started to fall down her cheeks. She didn't want him to see her like this, she had to stay strong for him so that he felt like there was someone to lean on when he couldn't stand on his own anymore.

And by the looks of him, he was nearing that point.


	15. Chapter 15

 

* * *

Yamamoto is pretty certain Gokudera isn't coming back. It hurts a lot but the part of him that cares has fallen into an abyss and he can't crawl out because it's like he's trapped under a thick sheet of ice.

Not that he wants to crawl out anyways.

He stares blankly at the ground below him and sees Lambo riding in on a motorcycle along with a few black Lincoln Town Cars driving in behind him.

His black suit jacket is torn in several places and his cow printed shirt is stained a maroon colour. When he slides off the motorcycle, he staggers a bit and the men in the Town Cars rush to his aid.

Yamamoto thinks he should feel something here, but he doesn't know what. Sadness, maybe? Concern and worry that his teenage team member, who's more like a little brother to him, has been injured in some way? Eh, he doesn't feel anything. Maybe just a little intrigue and excitement that something is about to happen.

He doesn't notice it but his reflection in the window pane reveals an eerily slow grin spread across his face.

About an hour later, Yamamoto hasn't moved from his spot in front of the window, his eyes haven't moved from the dark and swollen sky before him. He hears a lot of commotion and yelling in the halls. Shortly thereafter he hears the shrill shriek of the alarm cut through all the noise.

Yamamoto shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks on his heels. He almost feels like whistling a tune but he decides against it. He wouldn't be able to hear it over all this noise. He counts instead.

Five... four... three... two... one...

"Yamamoto!"

Tsuna bursts though Yamamoto's office door. "They're here!" His tone is high and shrill, and Yamamoto can hear the fear in his voice.

He's shaky and pale, his eyes are wide and he's out of breath. Yamamoto is almost embarrassed to call this man the feared Vongola Decimo. He's so  _weak_ , so  _docile._

Yamamoto turns and lifts a brow. "Who's here?" he asks, already knowing the answer. He just likes seeing the fear in Tsuna's eyes.

"The Yankov men! They shot Lambo! They're the coup d'état that-"

"Hmm... the coup d'état, you say? They're a really far way from home," Yamamoto said, stroking his chin.

Tsuna furrowed his brow in confusion and anger. "We have to go, they've already infiltrated the building!"

Yamamoto sighed and walked over to his desk, unsheathing Shigure Kintoki. He admired the beauty of the long blade and the way it gleamed in the dim light of his office. Even after all the battles he's been through, all the men he's killed with this blade there isn't a single nick or crack in it. It's beautiful just like...

"Well if there's such an urgency, what are you doing standing in my office? Should we not be going then?"

Tsuna narrowed his eyes. "Follow me," he said lowly. "Put this on." Tsuna handed him an ear piece.

"I don't need this," Yamamoto said, tossing it to the carpet.

Tsuna glared at Yamamoto with a fire in his eye that Yamamoto rarely sees anymore.

"Yamamoto... I will not allow you to put the family in danger or get yourself killed. This isn't your suicide mission. You asked me why we don't fight anymore, right? Why we don't fight the good fight... well now an opportunity is here on our doorstep and you're acting like an idiot!"

The word rang through Yamamoto, vibrating down to his core. That word... it was sacrilegious coming out of anyone else's mouth, anyone that wasn't  _Hayato_. It made him feel a pang in his heart for a minute. Just for a minute.

He bent down and picked up the ear piece, stood and narrowed his eyes.

"Don't  _ever_  call me that."

And he walked by Tsuna, knocking into his shoulder as he passed him, leaving Tsuna dumbfounded.

He hears Tsuna following him but he doesn't look back. He sighs, annoyed, puts the ear piece in his ear and cringes at the shrill voice that breaks through.

**_"Tenth! Hibari-san has gone ahead with a team to the east wing and Sasagawa-san has moved to the north side of the estate with his team. There are two more smaller groups headed for the south-west exit."_ **

"Roger that, Giannini. I'll head there now."

Yamamoto followed Tsuna into the elevator, down to the main floor and out towards the far west side of the estate.

Just as they exit the elevator, Yamamoto turns to Tsuna and blatantly tells him, "When this is all over, I'm done."

Tsuna turns to Yamamoto, wide eyed and blurts, "You can't be serious! Yamamato-"

Yamamoto raised a hand to silence him and continued to walk down the long corridor that led to the south west wing.

Tsuna followed in silence.

This area of the ground level consisted mainly of a large scale ballroom with large ivory and obsidian marble slabs, elaborate ceramic columns plated in gold leaf and a Concert Grand Model D Steinway & Sons piano that Yamamoto now loathes to see.

He doesn't even understand why there's a ballroom in a mafia run estate.

He hates this room and the memories that fill it, the memories of Gokudera's nimble fingers spread across the keys, the beautiful melodies he played echoing through the hollow room -

_Just stick your sword into something living and this pain will go away._

Yamamoto jerks his head up and blinks, remembering why he's here. He isn't here to reminisce about a man who was now just a ghost. He's here to -

_**"Tenth, they've broken through the security system and have moved inside the building!"** _

Yamamoto smiles. He's been waiting for this, he's ready. He's going to jump in head first and feed this growing blackness inside him. If it claims his life then it's okay, the sooner he gets to see Hayato, the better.

Tsuna walks into the ballroom and turns to face Yamamoto. He stands with his head held high and his chest puffed out, hands clenched into fists at his sides.

Yes... that's the look Yamamoto likes to see. That's his boss, the  _true_  Vongola Decimo.

Tsuna's eyes are ablaze with an intense fury that just screams hatred. His expression is twisted into an angry scowl, his mouth is a firm, pressed white line.

When he opens his mouth and speaks, the tone of his voice gives Yamamoto an exhilarating chill.

"Let them come."

And as the men begin to pour into the ballroom, Yamamoto can feel the metaphorical chains break, setting himself free from everything that hurt.

The last thing that the once carefree, twenty-four year old love struck Yamamoto Takeshi sees is red before he's swallowed whole by darkness.


	16. Chapter 16

 

* * *

Tsuna saw the bullet as it were moving in slow motion, heading straight for him and he couldn't move. He had become frozen with fear after taking a sobering look at the scene before him. Dead bodies all over the estate's grand ball room, both friends and enemies. The walls were splattered in blood and the air smelled of death and gun powder.

They were fighting a losing battle, he and Yamamoto were obviously outnumbered and these men mostly had guns, like fully automatic guns.

Tsuna had his own arsenal, dual Taurus Model 1911 pistols in a stainless steel finish. They had bone and ivory grips with a blue topaz gem in the center on the outside grip to represent his sky ring and  **Vongola X** carved into the inside grip.

He knew nothing about guns, nor cared to. He only knew this much because Gokudera had given him these as a gift for his inauguration ceremony when he became the tenth Vongola boss.

He taught him about his own guns and to use them, though Tsuna dreaded to pull the trigger every time and if it weren't for his Kevlar vest that Gokudera  _always_  insisted he wore, he'd probably be dead by now.

He suddenly felt a hard jabbing sensation in his chest, sending him flying backwards and panic rose from deep inside him because all he could think was  _oh no, I've been shot._

He wasn't wearing the Kevlar today.

He looked down to see the silver blur of Hibari's tonfa as he landed on his bottom and skidded away from it.

_Ah, thank goodness Hibari got here in time!_

"Look out!" Hibari growled.

Tsuna saw another incoming bullet and threw his head back to avoid having it lodged between his eyes.

He looked up in time to see Yamamoto leap high above and over his head. He landed on the marble floor with the finesse of a feline and cut down the man shooting at Tsuna.

Tsuna watched wide-eyed as Yamamoto then weaved and turned fluidly within the crowd, slashing and stabbing with his Shigure Kintoki, pulling a wakizashi from his left side under his suit jacket and driving it into the necks of men that managed to slip past his sword.

He's never seen Yamamoto use any sword other than Shigure Kintoki, let alone a shorter sword. Tsuna wasn't really sure what it's purpose was and why he'd need an extra blade when he had Shigure Soen Ryū.

It looked like he was preforming a bloody, macabre waltz on the ballroom's slick marble floor through the sea of Russians and there was a  _smirk_ on his face while he danced.

The dark, murderous look in eyes and the awful killing intent in his aura filled the room with a suffocating pressure and Tsuna found it was hard to breathe. Watching Yamamoto made his blood run cold and his stomach twist into knots.

This was a  _real_  hitman.

No. This was something much more frightening.

He looked over at Hibari who's mouth was open in a state of...  _awe_. He smashed an incoming Russian in the face with his tonfa in an almost comical manner without taking his eyes off of Yamamoto.

" _Niten... ichi-ryū...?_ " he whispered.

"Eh?" Tsuna had no idea what Hibari had said before squeezing off two rounds into a man charging at him.

He hated this most about being a mafia boss. He didn't want to kill.

Hibari turned and smashed two more men in the face then pulled back his arm and rammed his elbow and tonfa into the gut of a man behind him. The spikes of his tonfas snagged into fabric and flesh and Hibari screwed his face in disgust.

Tsuna could hear Ryōhei screaming  **"MAXIMUM CANNON TO THE EXTREME!"**  from somewhere behind him and was relieved that he had also come to their rescue and that he was still alive.

Tsuna stood and scanned the room, his eyes falling on Yamamoto once again and the scene before him could only be described as something out of an old movie about Samurai ronin he was forced to watch in History class.

Tsuna was certain that no one could rival him, not Squalo now and not Genkishi from the past.

There was no regret or remorse in his eyes and his body movements were smooth and flowed elegantly into each other with precision.

Despite the frenzy everywhere else, Yamamoto looked almost beautiful in his form. He didn't look like he belonged here amongst these crude, burly men with hardened faces and big guns.

And despite looking beautiful, Yamamoto looks like the devil in a suit, soaked in blood from head to toe wearing a grin as he claimed the lives of nameless men.

This wasn't Yamamoto, not even the Yamamoto who sometimes lost it when he needed to protect someone. Not the same Yamamoto who was goofy and nonchalant but a force to be reckoned with when he focused all his attention into striving to win. Not the same Yamamoto who was the star baseball player in Namimori Middle, the calm and collected Rain Guardian or even the man who was in love with Gokudera Hayato.

He was a monster.

Tsuna has been fighting alongside Yamamoto for ten years now and he knew all fourteen forms - twelve if you exclude the variant versions of two - of Yamamoto's Shigure Soen Ryū.

Whatever these new movements were, they weren't completely Shigure Soen Ryū forms.

He watched as Yamamoto dropped his katana down and kicked it with the toe of his shoe, sending it into the forehead of a man.

 _Yarazu no Ame_ _,_ Tsuna thought.  _I recognize that one._

But then he swings in with his wakizashi, maneuvering it between his fingers with a flick of his wrist, slitting a man's throat to his left.

He pulls Shigure Kintoki from the other man's head, using his foot to the man's chest as a brace when he did.

He ducks to avoid an enemy's sword and swings his katana upwards but realizes the man is too close to for his sword to cut effeciently so he drops it behind him and switches Kintoki for the wakizashi in his left hand.

 _An improved form of Samidare?_ Tsuna asks himself as Yamamoto plunges the wakizashi through the man's chest.

Tsuna notices a sword coming down on Yamamoto's head and Tsuna aims but can't get a clean shot.

"Yamamoto, watch out!" he yells.

Yamamoto doesn't even look up. He raises his Kintoki and the wakizashi and crosses the blades making an X, trapping the rival blade between them. He kicks the man in the gut and he falls backwards. Yamamoto follows him with his katana and impales the man through the heart.

Tsuna cringed.

Yamamoto turns and focuses his attention to the men who've swarmed him and he looks over at Tsuna and for a second his eyes reflect some clarity, Tsuna thinks, but then his brow is furrowed in fury and his eyes are narrowed again, clouded by  _hatred._  He flicks his wrist up and flips the wakizashi around and then threw it in Tsuna's direction.

Tsuna couldn't move in time. He hears the whistling sound of the blade cutting through the air as it flies by his ear, cutting his cheek in the process. Tsuna spins to follow the blade and it ends up square between a Yankov hitman's eyes.

Tsuna's heart is beating rapidly in his chest, so fast that he thinks he might have a heart attack. He can't decide what scared him more, the look on Yamamoto's face when he threw the blade or the fact that the blade nearly killed  _him._

Yamamoto cut through the men blocking his way, getting shot in the shoulder in the process. He's a foot away from Tsuna, drenched in blood of the enemy and now his own and he's still smirking.

"Yamamoto, that could have killed me!" Tsuna blurted.

"It didn't," Yamamoto said coldly. He bent down and ripped his smaller blade from the dead man's forehead. He glared at Tsuna, the whites of his hazel eyes contrasting to the dark stain of red that painted his face. Then he turns on his heel and slashes through the barrel of a gun pointed at Tsuna and cuts the man's neck with the wakizashi.

He dives right into another crowd of men, getting shot twice in the ribs.

"Yamamoto, that's suicide!" yells Tsuna, struggling to shoot as many men away from Yamamoto as he can.

Hibari soon joins Yamamoto and Tsuna watches as the two natural born killers take out the rest of the men with a little help from Ryōhei and the Vongola men that stayed behind. All he saw was blurs of colour.

 _Hibari and Yamamoto move so fast, I can't see a thing,_  he thinks.

And before Tsuna knows it the spewing of gunfire has ceased and Hibari and Ryōhei are by his side as Yamamoto rips his sword out of the last man standing. He crumples to the floor.

Yamamoto whips the blood off Shigure Kintoki and droplets spatter the walls and ivory marble floor.

Yamamoto's back is turned to them and not one of them make a sound.

His shoulders rise and fall rapidly but it doesn't take long for Tsuna to see them steady and he thinks Yamamoto has calmed down and he'll be fine now. He'll be Yamamoto again.

So they just wait for Yamamoto to snap out of his trance but he doesn't.

Yamamoto turns and gives the ballroom a once over. He sneers in disgust as his long legs step over piles of bodies.

"Someone ought to clean up this mess," he says, his tone icy and flat. It prickles the hair on the back of Tsuna's neck.

"Yamamoto... you're injured. You should go see a doctor," Tsuna said worriedly.

"I'm fine," Yamamoto says, not looking back at the men that stood in astonishment behind him. "I'll be going to kill the rest of them now."

They watch in silence as Yamamoto struts out of the ballroom with arrogance. His attitude puts Hibari's to shame.

"Wow... scary," Hibari mutters amusingly.

"He's a monster... to the extreme," Ryōhei utters dejectedly.

"It's awful," Tsuna says in the same tone. He remembers Yamamoto's fluid movements, fighting with a style he had never seen the swordsman use.

"Hibari... what did you say earlier? Something about nine ten one?"

Hibari raises a confused brow and studies Tsuna for a minute. "It's Niten Ichi-ryū, an ancient Samurai dual wielding technique using a long and short sword. I didn't know that herbivore was capable of such a thing. He could very well be a worthy opponent," Hibari said with slight admiration. "Now if you'll excuse me, there's already too much of a crowd in here and it's dirty. This place makes me want to bite something to death."

 _You were just doing a whole lot of biting in that crowd_ , Tsuna thought.

"Where did he learn that style?" Tsuna asked, not meaning for it to be said aloud.

"How should I know?" Hibari said curtly, raising a threatening tonfa. "Now, I'm leaving. I'll join that guy in the fight. Wouldn't want him to have all the fun."

And with that Hibari left the ballroom as well.

Though Hibari seemed intrigued by Yamamoto's new fighting style, even deeming him a worthy opponent for  _him_  to fight, Tsuna could hear the worry in Hibari's voice and knew he used that last sentence to mask his concern for the change in his fellow comrade.

Someone changing in that way like Yamamoto had was unnatural.

Ryōhei clapped a hand down on Tsuna's shoulder. "Don't worry, Sawada! You deal with Yamamoto and I'll handle the cleaning crew to the extreme! You've got more than just this mess to clean up."

Tsuna let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you, onii-san... Please let me know if you need anything and... utilize the men who aren't injured to assist you. I'll send some more help down. Please make sure that... our dead -" Tsuna choked on the word "- are really taken care of with honor and respect."

"Leave it to me!"

Tsuna commanded Giannini to get a medical team back into the building and to send more help to Ryōhei.

He needed to get some air. No matter how many years and how many times he's been at the front lines of hard battles and turf wars and anything else a mafia boss needed to handle, he couldn't get used to the killing. He hated it and it made him as sick to his stomach as much Bianchi's face had the same effect on Gokudera.

_Gokudera... Are you okay where you are?_

Tsuna felt miserable. He staggered out of the ballroom and headed for the nearest exit when Giannini chirped in on his ear piece.

"Tenth? There's a phone call here you absolutely  _must_  take immediately."


	17. Chapter 17

 

* * *

Yamamoto staggered through a corridor somewhere in the estate's basement, dragging Shigure Kintoki along the floor and leaning against the wall for support.

He wasn't in much pain, just a dull throbbing on his right side where he'd been shot twice and a numbing sensation in his shoulder. He's only ever been shot once before and this was nothing compared to the first time.

He was still pumped full of adrenaline, at least that's what his mind told him. To keep going, keep cutting and just let all his grief wash away in a sea of blood.

But his body told him differently, he had lost quite a lot of blood, he had a swollen left eye and a deep gash on his forehead and he was pretty much at his limit.

He didn't know where he was really, or where he was going, he was just...going.

"Oooi, Yamamoto-san... You're looking a little rough there. Are you sure you should be down here?"

Yamamoto turned slowly to face the owner of the voice that sounded vaguely familiar.

He couldn't see out of his left that well and the other eye was glued shut with congealed blood from the gash on his brow.

He could see the outline of a man, standing just a little shorter than he, broad shoulders and layered, shoulder length hair.

Yamamoto's heart stilled and he lifted his hand and desperately tried to pry his right eye open.

"Go-Gokudera?" he choked.

"Aah, I'm disappointed you'd confuse this suave man for that insolent brat."

Edging closer, Yamamoto could see who it was, finally recognized the velvety voice.

" _Shamal_ ," Yamamoto growled.

"Ah ha, you don't look too happy to see me."

Yamamoto grunted and turned away from the doctor that reminded him too much of someone he once knew. Shamal cleared his throat. "Even though I don't  _normally_ treat men, Hayato would kill me if I left you bleeding to death down in the basement."

"Just leave me alone," muttered Yamamoto.

"Sorry, but I can't do that."

Yamamoto felt a sharp pain in the back of his neck and he instinctively reached up and scratched the irritated skin. His vision swam a little and he started to feel lightheaded.

His limbs started tingling, like the pins and needles he'd feel in his arm after being under Gokudera's head for too long when he'd fell asleep on it.

His knees locked and he couldn't continue walking or even standing.

Then suddenly there were two arms underneath his and he felt himself being pulled into Shamal. He tried to struggle but it was futile, his limbs had gone completely numb.

He tried to curse at Shamal but his words came out in an incoherent slur, his tongue had gone numb too.

Then darkness engulfed him and not the kind he had been relying on these last few hours.

* * *

Yamamoto woke up a short time later, still feeling a bit numb and not able to move much. He was slumped against a wall, sitting upright on an examination table.

He groaned when he saw Shamal sitting on a leather stool. He figured he must be in Shamal's office.

"Yo."

Yamamoto grunted in response. He didn't think he could use his tongue to string together a colourful sentence that would have put any one of Gokudera's to shame.

"Ooh you look like you'd like to say something nasty. Well, save it for the stupid brat when he gets back."

Shamal stood and crossed his arms, peering at Yamamoto through rich chocolate brown eyes indignantly.

"Your limbs should be able to move now. Take off your own clothes, it's bad enough I have to touch something that doesn't have the curves of a beautiful woman," Shamal sang. "But, try anything stupid and I'll knock you out again and leave you to bleed to death."

Yamamoto was angry and frustrated and annoyed. Who was this man to decide that he should live? Maybe he wanted to bleed to death and who was he to decide that Hayato was still alive and coming back?

It almost made him laugh. Wasn't  _he_ supposed to be the idiot around here?

Shamal raised a brow and looked at Yamamoto disdainfully.

Yamamoto sighed and reluctantly struggled to pull off his jacket and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. The lingering numbness made dexterity difficult.

Shamal rolled his eyes. "I'll cut the shirt off."

He walked behind Yamamoto and grabbed his shirt roughly.

Yamamoto felt the cool metal of the scissors ghosting across his back. It's felt good against his skin that felt like it was on fire.

After he took off Yamamoto's shirt he cleared his throat and sized him up.

"You're lucky these gunshot wounds are shallow and didn't hit any vital organs. Especially these," he said pressing his fingers into the two bullet holes along his ribs.

Yamamoto howled in pain. He shot a glare behind his shoulder towards the doctor. He opened his mouth but couldn't form any words. His tongue still wasn't working properly.

"Oooh, you can still feel  _something,_  huh? You're not as numb as you think. Does it hurt?"

Yamamoto didn't say anything but yes, it hurt. It felt like hot pokers prodding into already tender and bruised flesh.

"Well, that's good. The numbness you felt from my mosquito doesn't affect pain from body injuries. It only renders the extremities useless. So that means you're still in there, huh, Yamamoto."

"I... don kn-know wha you're-"

"You know," Shamal began, dipping a pair of forceps into a jar filled with an antiseptic solution. "Hayato is a reckless idiot, always getting himself into these kinds of situations and in the end, it always bites him in the ass."

Yamamoto sighed. He didn't want to hear anything about the man he once knew and needed to forget.

Shamal wiped down the wounds and Yamamoto winced from the burn. He dug the forceps into a hole with more force than he needed to and Yamamoto uttered a low, guttural growl.

"But the difference in that is Hayato acts like an idiot, throwing his life away like it doesn't matter because of pride. Because of loyalty. Because he'd rather get himself hurt than have the ones he loves hurt."

He pulled the slug out and it made a clanking sound when Shamal dropped it into a stainless steel bedpan. He cleaned the other bullet hole and repeated the process, this time with a little less animosity.

"And that brat doesn't realize that his actions don't save anyone from getting hurt. He doesn't realize that his ferocity in taking the role of the Storm literally, has hurt more people than he's saved. Am I right, Takeshi?"

Yamamoto didn't say anything but he agreed silently. It hurt,  _so much_  but Yamamoto didn't want to feel. Why couldn't this self absorbed pervert just leave him alone? Why can't he just wallow in self pity? He wants to feel hollow and empty. He liked feeling this way, he liked that this darkness was comforting and reliable. This persona was always there when he needed it, never abandoning him and leaving him feel sorrowfully heart broken.

Not like some people.

Shamal came around to his front and cleaned the wound on his shoulder.

"And here's the difference between you and him. You... you are an inconsiderate little prick. You don't give a shit about  _anyone_ but yourself," Shamal spat through gritted teeth, grinding the forceps into the bullet hole.

Yamamoto let out a loud, furious cry and swatted Shamal's hand away.

"F-fuck you," he breathed. He moved to get off the exam table, sliding off the crinkling paper but when he put weight on his trembling legs, they buckled underneath him and forced him to grip the padded leather for support.

"Ooh. Hit a nerve, have I?"

"Fuck you."

"Well, that's great. Means we're making some progress. Now, you're going to let me finish dressing your wounds _._ You're also going to shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say."

"Fuck you," Yamamoto muttered again. He struggled to pull himself up and then leaned against the exam table.

"No thanks, I'm into women," Shamal boasted.

If the muscles in Yamamoto's arms hadn't felt like he had just been at batting practice for an entire twenty four hours, he'd haul off and deck the arrogant bastard square in the face.

"If your life is so useless, then go ahead and die."

" _I want to_!" Yamamoto screamed in the doctor's face.

Shamal shoved the forceps into Yamamoto's chest to create distance between them. "Pathetic."

"No... what's pathetic is this life, the mafia,  _my life._ "

"Ah, but is that what your boss thinks? Is that what the family thinks? Is that what  _Hayato_ thinks?"

"Will you stop talking about him like he's still alive? I saw the dates on those images. It's been over a week and there's been nothing indicating that he survived. He isn't  _coming back._  Am I the only realist here?"

Shamal scoffed. "Hayato is right, thinking isn't something that suits you. Do you hear yourself? Realist? Ha! Where in all of that is there logical proof that he's dead?"

Yamamoto didn't respond, he just glared at the doctor.

"Since when have you become so pessimistic? I swear it's like I'm looking right at that incredulous brat from ten years ago that didn't give a shit about anyone save your boss. He's matured and you've regressed. If he was here right now he would -"

"If he was here right now I wouldn't be like this."

"Ah, so you  _are_ aware of your actions. Does that mean you're ready to admit that you've become an idiot and not that same idiot he loved?" Shamal said pointedly, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. "Do you not remember the hell he went through the last time  _you_  were almost killed?"

Yamamoto didn't want to remember that memory and all the conflicting feelings that surfaced along with it, but he couldn't stop himself.


	18. Chapter 18

 

* * *

_Yamamoto stepped off the Varia's personal jet and sniffed the air nostalgically. It's was so good to be back home in Japan._

_"_ **_VROOOOOOOIIIII, BRAT!_ ** _See you in a month, trash!" Squalo yelled from the plane._

_"Haha, looking forward to it!"_ _Yamamoto called back_ _and hopped into a taxi. He debated on going home but he thought he should let Tsuna and the others know he was okay._

_When he arrived at Tsuna's house he was a little disappointed to just see him and Bianchi home. He really wanted to see Gokudera._

_Bianchi regarded him with dirty looks and a cold shoulder, her jade eyes glaring at him with an intense fire. Those eyes made him miss Gokudera more, the siblings had no idea that their tempers were so much alike, and Yamamoto had no idea why she was so angry._

_When he walked into Tsuna's room, Tsuna's eyes opened wide and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. His expression_ _was one of relief._

_He told Tsuna he was sorry for what had happened in Italy with the Varia and that he was happy to see him too. Then he asked about Gokudera._

_"Eh? Gokudera hasn't left his apartment in over a week?" Yamamoto asked Tsuna. "Is he sick?"_

_"I don't know, he won't even answer my phone calls. I'm worried about him but I haven't had the time to check on him. Reborn's keeping me pretty busy. How are your injuries? That cut left a pretty deep scar on your chin, huh."_

_Yamamoto brought his hand up and rubbed the freshly puckered scar he had on his chin and then rubbed the nape of his neck and laughed. "Yeah, that was a pretty dangerous mission Squalo took me on but I'm doing okay. Lussuria said I was pretty lucky, the bullet just missed my heart."_

_Tsuna frowned. "I was really worried about you for a while there. Dino-san said you might not pull through."_

_Yamamoto's eyes drifted to his feet and he frowned. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I guess I got a little carried away," he said with a laugh._

_"Don't be reckless like Gokudera-kun, Yamamoto. It's not like you to be so... you know... careless."_

_"I know... Ne, should I go check on him?"_

_Tsuna's eyes lit up. "Would you? I've got to leave to train with Reborn again... I mean, if you're feeling up to it. He can be pretty ruthless when he's upset or bothered... or annoyed. He'll start blowing stuff up and you're healing... Uuh, maybe I should go see him instead."_

_"Don't worry about it, Tsuna! I've gotta go that way anyways. I'll call you if I find out anything."_

_"Really, you're sure? Thanks, Yamamoto. Please be careful."_

_"Ahaha, don't worry about it, I'll be fine."_

_When Yamamoto turned on to Gokudera's street, he saw that Doctor Shamal was just leaving Gokudera's building._

_"Oh Doctor Shamal! Have you just been to see Gokudera?"_

_"Nope. That brat is sulking in that shit hole, probably chain smoking and drunk, smelling like piss and an ashtray."_

_Yamamoto stared at the doctor quizzically. "Really? What's happened to him?"_

_Shamal furrowed his brow in confusion, as if Yamamoto should know something he didn't. "It looks like it's painful for you to use your brain." He placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Good luck in there... Although you might want to get some life insurance and say good bye to your loved ones."_

_"Huh?" was all Yamamoto could muster. He didn't understand what all the fuss was about._

_Shamal walked off without saying another word and Yamamoto climbed the stairs, two at a time to reach the third floor of Gokudera's apartment building._

_He arrived at Gokudera's door and pounded on it. "Gokudera? It's me. Are you alright in there?"_

_No response._

_Yamamoto knew he was home, Shamal said he was in here._

_He banged on the door again. "Gokudera?"_

_What if he's in there drunk like Shamal said? What if he's choking on his own vomit? Passed out with a cigarette in his hand?_

_"Gokudera!_   _Gokudera, let me in!"_

_Silence._

_Yamamoto began to pace, rubbing the back of his head._ _"I'm really worried about you. Can_   _you_  please  _let me in?"_

_"Fuck off, you idiot, I don't want to see your stupid face!"_

_ Yamamoto breathed a sigh of relief. Good. He was in there and conscious. Still, Yamamoto wasn't satisfied with just that. Something had to be wrong if he wasn't even speaking to Tsuna. _

_"Can you please let me in?"_

_Silence. Like cricket chirping silence except not as comical._

_Yamamoto sat down on the dingy carpeted floor in Gokudera's hallway. He didn't understand what was wrong with Gokudera but he wasn't going to leave until he had an answer for Tsuna._

_Ah ha! Tsuna was the key here._

_"Gokudera! Tsuna sent me over to check on you."_

_"Tell the Tenth I'm fine, I've just caught a bad case of stupid."_

_Yamamoto smiled. Gokudera was always so overly dramatic._

_"Sorry, but I need to see for myself that you're okay. Doctor Shamal said you were drunk and smoking like a chimney. If I tell Tsuna that..."_

_The door whipped open and Gokudera looked down at him furiously._

_Yamamoto was taken aback immediately._

_Gokudera's_ _hair was limp and unkempt, his skin was pallid and gray. His clothes were disheveled and the rims of his eyes were red and puffy._

_"Goku... dera..."_

_"Don't you go worrying the Tenth with your stupidity! Honestly, believing that crack doctor, do you ever use your head, yakyū baka?!"_

_Yamamoto rushed to his feet and tried to push his way into Gokudera's apartment. He had to see if what Shamal said was true._

_Gokudera shoved him back and glowered at him._

_"I said to fuck off. I meant it when I said I didn't want to see your face," Gokudera said, his voice full of venom._

_Yamamoto felt like Gokudera had just punched him in the gut and he struggled to find any excuse to stay._ _"But Gokudera has been drinking. I can smell it on your breath."_

_"So? I told you I've caught some of your stupid and the only way to get rid of it is to drink myself smart and stay the fuck away from you."_

_Yamamoto looked dumbfounded. There was more anger in his tone than usual and his green eyes were ablaze with a glowering fury that Yamamoto has never seen before._

_He laughed nervously and played with the hem of his t-shirt. "I-I... I don't understand."_

_Gokudera scoffed and jabbed a finger hard into Yamamoto's chest. "Of course you don't, you're a stupid fucking no good idiot."_

_"Gokudera!" His words actually stung Yamamoto, like salt in an open wound._

_Gokudera tried to shut the door in his face but Yamamoto noticed something in his eyes before he turned his head._

_Tears?_

_Yamamoto stuck his foot in between the door and the door frame and prevented Gokudera from closing the door all the way._

_Gokudera looked back angrily and he had forgotten something. He had forgotten to wipe the tears brimming in the wells of his eyes._

_Yamamoto's heart sank. Why was Gokudera so upset?_

_Instinctively he lifted his hand to Gokudera's cheek and wiped away a tear that had escaped._

_"Che... don't touch me!_   _Don't touch me ever again, you fucking bastard!"_ _He stepped back so that Yamamoto's hand fell limp at his side._

_"Gokudera?"_

_"If you don't move your giant foot from my door, I'll blow it off."_

_"Can we please just go inside before your neighbors call the police or something?"_

_"Che! Let them call the police! You're -"_

_Yamamoto used all his strength to overpower the smaller framed man and push him inside the apartment, letting the heavy door slam shut on it's own._

_ He took a quick look around Gokudera's apartment and was astounded. Appalled. Astonished. Hell, he was just hit in the face with a brick named shock _ _._

_Something was definitely wrong with Gokudera._

_The heavy black curtains were drawn but there was enough of an opening for a trickle of sunlight to pass through and what Yamamoto saw floored him._

_His usual immaculately clean apartment was literally a disaster. There were cigarette butts and ash on the parquet floor, crumpled empty packs littered it. There were numerous - no, countless bottles of saké and beer and whiskey spent everywhere. On the counters, on the floor, the table and coffee table. There, the ashtray that Gokudera pretty much emptied after every cigarette or two was overflowing with cigarette butts and cellophane wrappers._

_There were no signs that he had eaten and the apartment smelled like a brewery and of pungent, stale cigarette smoke._

_"Get out, you fucker!" Gokudera screamed._

_"Gokudera, I... What...?" Yamamoto was at a loss for words._

_Gokudera stood with his head hung low and his fists at his sides and Yamamoto had no idea what was going on but what he did know was Gokudera was hurting for some reason._

_He wanted to hold him, he wanted to wrap his arms around this fragile man and tell him everything was going to be okay, even if it was a lie._

_"Did Shamal say something, did he do something?"_

_"Get out."_

_"Please_   _tell me what's going on. I'm begging you, you're really worrying me."_

_Another scoff._ _"That's just like you, huh. Selfish_ _, airheaded bastard."_

_"What?_ I'm _selfish? What are you talking about?"_

_"Everything is all about you, isn't it? You with your natural born hitman skills, you with your baseball, you needed to be a part of this family. You needed to go train with that fucking shark -"_

_"Gokudera... are you..._ jealous _? Nothing happened between me and Squalo, I swear. I don't even look at him that way."_

 _Gokudera's head shot up and he glared at Yamamoto intensely. "You think I give a shit about that? We just_ _ **fuck**_.  _That's all. I don't give a shit about you so you can go fuck whoever the fuck you want. Go have a turn with all the Guardians and the fucking_ _Varia_ _for all I care!"_

_Again, Gokudera's words felt like they were Dino's whip dipped in acid and lashed across Yamamoto's bare skin. He had thought that he and Gokudera had more than that, at least that's the wayYamamoto felt._

_When_ _Yamamoto had told Gokudera he liked him after noticing Gokudera probably liked him too, he got punched in the face. Then when he kissed Gokudera to prove a point, he got punched in the face and when Gokudera finally admitted to liking him back, it was on his own terms and with his lips, then his body. Never his words. And no, Gokudera had never put a label on what they did. No one even knew about them, not even Tsuna. But_ _Yamamoto_ _loved this man more than anything in the world, including baseball and he didn't need Gokudera to say it back,_   _he didn't need Gokudera to tell him that they had or didn't have a relationship that was more than physical contact. He was faithful, he was loyal, he would never see another man the way he saw Gokudera. He loved_ only _Gokudera Hayato, even if he didn't love him_ _back._

 _And when h_ e  _looked hard enough, he saw pain in the bomber's eyes. He saw pain and sadness behind the anger._

_"You say all that but your eyes... they tell me different," Yamamoto said softly._

_"Wha... what? What the fuck?"_

_"Your eyes. They're sad. Not angry. And if you're not jealous or upset because of me being with Squalo then what is your problem?"_

_Gokudera just stood there, about three feet from Yamamoto, and silently fumed_ _, his eyes boring a hole in Yamamoto's heart._

_Yamamoto stood there too, slack and at a loss for words. He couldn't describe how he felt now except that it hurt him immensely to see Gokudera this way, it killed him that he didn't know why, and that he was most likely the cause of Gokudera's pain._

_"Get out," Gokudera says again. It's flat but Yamamoto can hear sorrow in his undertone._

_"Please... " it comes out almost like a whine, a desperate plea._

_Gokudera brings his hands up to his silver locks, clutching them at the roots in frustration. "You... You could have died, you fucking idiot! A bullet missed your heart by centimeters and maybe you're too fucking stupid to know what that means but it's unfuckingbelievably close to killing you, okay?!"_

_"Oh..." the word comes out in a shaky breath with a sobering clarity, he feels a knot tying his insides and a lump forming in throat. He feels nauseous and a little light headed and his mouth is dry like cotton. "I... I didn't know you cared so much."_

_Gokudera's fiery green eyes pierce right through Yamamoto. He's never seen Gokudera so angry._

_"I-I... I don't fucking care, but do you have any idea what that did to the Tenth?!"_

_Now Yamamoto really feels like he's going to vomit. Of course he feels guilty for making Tsuna worry and of course that's all Gokudera would care about. It was foolish of him to even think that for a minute, Gokudera actually cared about_ _ **him**_.

_"I... I'm sorry. I already spoke to him about that... But Gokudera, you're the one Tsuna is worried about. And locking yourself up away from the world like this... can't be because Tsuna was worried about me, right?"_

_Gokudera had turned a flaring red in the face, his eyes were wide, his pupils were blown, his brow was furrowed in the angriest scowl and his mouth was twisted in a thin, menacing grimace. His temper flared,_ _and Yamamoto seen the incoming fist but he didn't try to stop it. He just flinched and braced himself for impact but was surprised when Gokudera grabbed a fistful of his shirt and yanked him down to eye level. He was seething._

_"Are you really that fucking oblivious?"_

_"Yes?" Yamamoto was getting annoyed and Gokudera's insults held no endearment like they usually did, not even a little annoyance when Yamamoto irritated on a bad day. His words hurt, each time they felt like fresh cuts slicing deep into his heart and he couldn't take it anymore, it was really starting to make him angry._

_"Why don't you stop beating around the bush and just tell me what your problem is!" he yelled._

_"Because I fucking_ ** _love_** _you!_   _That's my goddamned problem! I fucking love you and I don't want to because you're fucking stupid! Because you almost fucking died and I could have lost you and then what would I fucking do?!"_

_And with that declaration, the flood gates opened and Gokudera broke into tears, letting go of Yamamoto by forcefully shoving him backward and burying his face in his hands._

_Yamamoto stood there for a minute, stunned at the silverette's uncharacteristic, lengthy confession and suddenly waves of guilt and heart wrenching grief crashed into him, sending him stumbling to Gokudera where he reached out and wrapped his arms around the trembling body._

_"Don't... don't touch me..." he said through sobs, struggling to break free but Yamamoto held him tight. He held on to Gokudera for dear life._

_"I'm sorry," he said into silver hair that smelled of tobacco and gun powder. "I'm so, so sorry." And he could feel himself begin to weep._

_The two men stood in Gokudera's lonely, dirty one bedroom apartment and cried silently for a_   _while_ _, not moving or speaking or asking questions._

_Yamamoto didn't let go of Gokudera and Gokudera just buried his face into Yamamoto's chest. He stroked the silver hair until Gokudera's sobs became small, hitched breaths._

_When Yamamoto pulled away from Gokudera it was only to look him in the face to study his current mental state. When he saw those usual glittering green eyes dull and flat, his heart broke again and tears threatened once more._

_He wiped the tears from Gokudera's wet cheeks and it seemed that Gokudera was in a stupor, probably still shaken with shock of his confession, like he was afraid to open his mouth again and reveal more truths, like his own feelings scared him. He wouldn't meet Yamamoto's eyes and Yamamoto guessed it was for fear of seeing rejection or something else, like acceptance and reflection of what he really felt._

_Yamamoto didn't say anything, he didn't need to, he was going to show him just how much he loved him too._ _Gokudera had entered some sort of catatonic state and Yamamoto led him into the bathroom where he turned on the shower, undressed them both and took Gokudera inside. He lathered Gokudera's body with citrus scented soap and washed his hair with vanilla scented shampoo and nothing about it was erotic. It was Yamamoto taking care of the man he loved, letting him know in his actions that he was so incredibly sorry for putting Gokudera through all this hell._

_After the shower the feisty, spitfire Gokudera still hadn't surfaced but he wasn't concerned. He knew Gokudera had a mathematical brain and everything had to have logic and he was just trying to process everything he felt._

_Yamamoto had assumed when he first walked into the apartment that Gokudera probably hadn't slept much at all except for when he passed out from inebriation._ _So he tugged gently on the alabaster hand, leading him to the bedroom where he tucked Gokudera underneath heavy blankets. He slipped in beside him, pulling the still shaking body into his and wrapping himself around him, placing soft but firm kisses under his jaw and down his neck._

_Gokudera finally responded by turning into Yamamoto, pressing his body against Yamamoto for warmth and breathing evenly against his skin._

_He nipped at Yamamoto's neck gently_ _and Yamamoto ran a thumb along his prominent jawline until he could curl his fingers in Gokudera's wet hair._ _He brought their faces together so that their foreheads rested against each other, the tips of their noses touched and they could look each other in the eyes._

_"I swear I'll be more careful next time. I swear I won't put you through this ever again," Yamamoto whispered._

_Gokudera closed his eyes and his pale pink lips curled into a half smile. "Che... idiot... don't make promises you can't keep."_

_And when they came together, it wasn't the rough, white light blinding fucking they usually did, late at night when they left Tsuna and the family and went their separate ways only to end up tangled in Gokudera's bed sheets later when no one was the wiser. It wasn't the hot and desperate rush, hard and unbridled and sometimes painful, struggling for the control by which who is topping kind of fucking either._

_Instead they melded into each other and it was slow and passionate and tender, full of soft pressed kisses and loving touches, something Yamamoto assumed was akin to love making_.

_And when they climaxed it was in unison and Yamamoto held Gokudera as tight as he was able to and whispered "I love you" against his collar bone._

_Gokudera didn't say it back but Yamamoto didn't need him to because he knew it in the way Gokudera looked at him, he knew it in the way Gokudera touched him. He knew it in the way they just made love and finally he knew it in the way that Gokudera curled into him, wrapping his smaller frame around the larger, breathing steady, warm skin but still thudding heart._


	19. Chapter 19

 

* * *

Yamamoto sighed. His heart hurt. It hurt more than the bullet wounds, more than the sting from the antiseptic and more than Shamal digging the forceps into his wounds. Loving Gokudera hurt, missing him hurt and thinking that he wasn't coming back hurt the most.

"Yes. Yes, I remember," Yamamoto said tiredly.

"Good. So you remember what he was like then, I could imagine what he'd be like now. Probably act just like you, I assume. Stupid and stubborn and immature. Except he'd never put the Family through the things you're putting them through," Shamal said, taking the last bullet out of Yamamoto's shoulder.

"I know that you love Hayato and it's a different kind of love, but don't you think the people here love him too? Your boss, your guardians, his sister? And instead of supporting each other and helping each other, you're all on opposite sides. No, let me correct myself.  _You're_ on the opposite side."

Yamamoto scoffed. Shamal glared at him.

"The people here aren't your enemy, Yamamoto. What's in here -" Shamal jabbed the forceps into Yamamoto's chest where his heart was, "- is your enemy."

Yamamoto looked down at the forceps and back up at Shamal. He sighed and pushed the metal clamps away from his chest. "You're right. It is my enemy. Opening it up and loving someone -"

"Oh you idiot, that's not what I meant," chided Shamal, reaching for some gauze.

"I know... I just... argh." Yamamoto buried his face in his hands. His brain hurt from thinking, his everything hurt on differential levels of pain. He knew Shamal was talking about the thing that takes over but Yamamoto has never really seen it as an enemy. It's always been his ally.

"Where is he? If Hah..." He couldn't even bring himself to say his name anymore. "If he's alive and out there, then where is he?"

Shamal's expression softened and he smirked. "How the hell should I know? That guy is a smart and cocky brat. Even though he rushes in head first, he's calculated. And unfortunately, he'll be back before you know it, annoying the shit out of all of us."

Yamamoto sat in silence while Shamal finished putting gauze over his wounds and stitching the gash over his eyebrow. He didn't know what to think anymore. He wanted to believe in what Shamal was saying, his  _heart_ wanted to believe it but his dark passenger told him that it was all lies, nothing was going to change and that there'd be no more light in Yamamoto's life.

"Here. Wash the blood off your face. You look fucking scary," Shamal said with a laugh, handing Yamamoto a warm rag.

Yamamoto put the rag to his face and let the heat from the rag seep into his skin. He scrubbed his face and looked down at the white cloth that was now a dark brown.

"You know that he will go look for him, right? If Hayato hasn't come back by then, he'll tear apart this earth to find him. That's the kind of man your boss is. That's the kind of man the Vongola Decimo is. That should be the kind of man  _you_  are, too. Hayato won't give a shit about you if you continue to act like a fucking pussy. Stop being a little bitch and go  _find_  him."

Shamal's words slapped him in the face. He was...  _right._ Right? Tsuna would go look for him, he wouldn't stop until he found Gokudera but that should be  _him_  going to find Gokudera,  _him_ not giving up on the only thing he loves in life because if he did, what would he have left?

_Me._

_No... I don't want you, I want Hayato._

_Don't be stupid. He isn't coming back. He's dead. Dead and lifeless like in your dreams. Everything else turned out to be a reality, why would that be an exception?_

Yamamoto shook his head violently. He wasn't exactly sure when he coherently began having a mental dialogue with his other self but it scared the shit out of him. He was really starting to lose it.

 _All the more reason why I need to find Hayato,_ he thought.

Shamal was giving him a quizzical and incredulous look. "Oi, are you alright?"

Yamamoto smiled half-heartedly. "Yeah... I'm fine. I just need to lie down, I still feel a bit dizzy."

Shamal raised a suspicious eyebrow. "Here, take these and get some rest. Your body needs it... Your  _mind_ needs it," he said matter-of-factly. He handed Yamamoto two round, white pills.

"What are these?" Yamamoto asked warily.

Shamal let out a scornful laugh. "Aspirin... You really should think before you open your mouth."

"Ha... yeah..." Yamamoto eased off the exam table and now that the adrenaline rush had worn off and his dark passenger had abandoned him momentarily, he could feel all the searing pain ripping through his muscles, the burn from the open wounds on his skin, the intense throbbing in his head. It was enough to make him throw up in a trash can on the side of the counter that held Shamal's medical supplies.

"Awh, that's not very polite, Yamamoto-saaaan," Shamal whined. "Couldn't you have made it to a bathroom? You're cleaning that up, you brat."

Yamamoto wasn't sure if it was the pain, the images from his nightmare or the memories of the men he just killed that was making him nauseous but they flooded his psyche in rolling waves that left him wretching uncontrollably until the disgusting taste of bile slicked his tongue and he could only dry heave.

When he was done, he sat down on the cool tile floor and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His throat was raw and his stomach felt like it was still bubbling and gurgling but there was not even bile left for him to throw up.

"Okay, well, that's enough of that. I've just lost my appetite and I think I need to take a shower," Shamal muttered cynically. "Clean up your mess, brat."

Yamamoto felt like his body was on fire, he might have had a fever but Shamal was too much of a quack to properly examine him.

It was alright, though. He didn't know how much more he could take of being in the same room with the man that reminded him so much of Hayato, down to his hair and the same kind of mannerisms, same kind of dry humour, same kind of cocky attitude. If Yamamoto didn't know any better, he'd think Shamal was Gokudera's father. Anyone would probably think that.

The only difference between them was Gokudera had a really bad temper and swore a lot more, but Yamamoto was beginning to think that Shamal might just have the same kind of sadistic temper, except he was better at controlling it than Gokudera was. The only other difference was Shamal - of course - was  _strictly_ into women, and Yamamoto always thought it sounded suspicious the way Shamal constantly tried convince everyone of that fact. And then there was Gokudera. Gokudera was into dynamite and... well... Yamamoto.

It wasn't that Yamamoto or Gokudera denied their sexual orientation, it's just that neither one of them looked at another man the way they looked at each other. There had never been any other kind of pull towards another object of the same or opposite sex for that matter. Sure, Yamamoto could objectively ascertain if a woman was good looking, if she had a nice figure and a pretty face. But women didn't interest him the way Gokudera did and still does and neither has another man.

He chuckled to himself at the stupid things he was thinking about at a time like this and laid down on the cold tile. The sensation of the cold to his fiery skin shocked him suddenly, making him jolt upright and then howl in pain when the skin surrounding the wounds on his ribs was pulled tight.

Shamal had left the room a few minutes prior without another word and Yamamoto wondered what his next course of action should be. He was so tired of having to think all the time, he wasn't any good at it. Gokudera was the thought planner, the calculator, the decision maker. Yamamoto just went along with everything except for the rare times he had his own ideas.

_I miss you so much._

Yamamoto supposed the first thing he should do would be to apologize to Tsuna for the way he had been acting. He really had been a selfish jerk.

And he should probably sleep but he didn't know if he should, he didn't want to be haunted any more by those flashes of death, blood and strangled cries.

Sighing, he mustered up the last bit of remaining strength to stand and start moving towards the east exit of the medical wing.

He hadn't realized it until he left Shamal's office but the halls were crowded and there were medical staff scurrying around hectically to aid those injured in the battles. There was a lot of noise, shouting and cursing and crying and it was deafening. Yamamoto couldn't get out of there fast enough.

When he got outside he breathed in deeply. The Mediterranean air was humid and balmy, smelling like salt and earth from the remnants of a rain storm.

_Rain storm._

Yamamoto took that as some kind of omen. He wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one but the rain always follows the storm, and he will always follow Gokudera, whether it was to Russia to find him or to the grave if he couldn't have him.


	20. Chapter 20

 

* * *

Yamamoto walked along the grounds of the estate with no particular destination in mind. He knew he should find Tsuna but his pride prevented him from facing him and owning up to all the shameful things he had said and done. Really he just wanted to clear his head and not think about anything for a second.

The air felt good against his skin and he was glad for the chaos surrounding the estate because no one seemed to regard this half naked, injured man bathed in caked blood strolling along the pathways.

He turned a corner of the estate and realized that his feet had taken him to the Guardian's quarters and was taken aback when he almost walked right into Lal Mirch. She stood in front of the entrance with a pretty, young red head who had gray eyes behind thick rimmed glasses, pale skin and a splash of freckles across the bridge of her nose and cheeks.

"Lal..." he said in a surprised whisper.

"Yamamoto," she said, giving him a once over. "Jesus, you look like shit. Where's Sawada?"

Yamamoto shrugged. "I don't know, we were separated."

_More like I left him to fend for himself._

"Seems like I missed quite a show," she said regrettably. "This is Rosemary. She's an agent of the CEDEF. She's come with me to interview the prisoners about the events that took place in Russia."

Yamamoto held out his hand. "Yamamoto Takeshi. Oh, uh, Takeshi Yamamoto," he corrected with a weak smile, forgetting he wasn't in Japan.

Rosemary leaned forward and shook his hand with a firm grip. "Nice to meet you, sir," she said in a cool tone, matching Lal's.

"Honestly, what has Sawada been doing? Everything is in disarray."

Yamamoto felt a pang of anger in defense for his friend, Tsuna was trying his best. He always was.

"I'll take you up to his office, though I don't know if he's there. Did he know you were coming?" Yamamoto asked, walking up to the fingerprint and retina scanner and placed his right hand on it.

"I just got back from a mission in India with Colonello and Iemitsu told me what happened. He told me to come here and interview any men left alive. I haven't been able to reach Sawada."

 _Is that what they call private vacations nowadays, Lal?_ he wanted to ask as the laser scanned over his eye. He couldn't help but feel a little bitter that she was with her lover and he couldn't be with his.

" **TAKESHI YAMAMOTO, TENTH GENERATION VONGOLA RAIN GUARDIAN. CONFIRMED** ," prompted the scanner.

The door slid open with a screech and a whoosh of cold air filled with the scent of gun powder and death invaded Yamamoto's nostrils, plaguing him with images of the battles prior. He shuddered and if he had anything left in his stomach he probably would have thrown up again.

Lal gave him a sideways glance. "Has a doctor cleared you for active duty? I see you've been injured and your skin looks ashen. You'll only be a hindrance to your boss and comrades."

"I'm fine, and I'm pretty sure the fighting is over for now."

Lal scowled. "It's far from over and you know it. Has Sawada briefed you on the events of the mission?"

_Just the part where he told me my fiancé was MIA..._

"I know enough, Tsuna hasn't involved the Guardians because it was supposed to be handled by the CEDEF."

"Only the treaty was supposed to be handled by us. The Vongola boss was supposed to send in Hibari Kyoya as proof of his good intentions for reconnaissance and aid in the removal of traitors against the idea of an alliance. A secondary team provided by the CEDEF was supposed to hand over their data regarding the coup d'état and assist with the informant. Once the group had been defeated or disassembled then Oregano was to go ahead with mediations between the two families."

Yamamoto didn't really care about all that, Gokudera had gone in Hibari's stead and everything went sour.

"So what happened then?" Yamamoto blurted, sounding a lot more colder and hostile then he meant to.

Lal looked at him with a bit of surprise. "We... we don't know. We're here to find out."

They waited by the elevator.

"We haven't been able to recover any information from anyone in the area, the Yankov family is unreachable and the satellite images have been tampered with," Rosemary interjected.

Yamamoto looked over at the two women and raised a brow. "What do you mean? I saw them myself."

Lal adjusted the goggles on her head and flicked her blue-black hair over her shoulder. "You must have seen the same ones we were able to retrieve. At o' nine forty-seven a.m on that day, the signal was disrupted by some sort of interference that the CEDEF hasn't discovered the source of. The disturbance lasts for approximately an hour and then there are images of the aftermath and hooded Russians coming to claim their dead. We can only assume the Russians had something to do with it so that we couldn't see where they had taken the surviving Vongola members hostage for interrogation."

She said this with such a apathetic tone and straight face, Yamamoto wanted to hit her. But it wasn't her fault, she was trained to be this way. CEDEF members were always engaged in the ugly side of the mafia's politics, they needed to be aloof and apathetic.

His insides were iced over and heavy, the pit of his stomach felt like it was at his feet and his heart raced. If Gokudera had been taken hostage for information or ransom, he'd never give up the Family, Tsuna or allow himself to be used as bait. He could only imagine the things they'd to to him, the torture he'd have to endure.

Yamamoto gulped, forcing down the lump that had begun to form in his throat. He drew in a breath as the elevator chimed and the doors opened, revealing an empty box.

They stepped inside.

Yamamoto pressed the button for the third floor. "What happens if the coup d'état doesn't get what they want from the survivors, if there were any?" He already knew the answer.

Lal looked at him and frowned. "They'd use them as leverage to get what they wanted... and since they came here, they've already got it or there aren't any survivors. Either way, if there had been anyone left, they'd be dead now."

All the hope he had slowly begun to build up courtesy of Shamal's pep talk had just been suppressed by a heavy, suffocating weight. His dark passenger had returned.

_Didn't I tell you he was dead?_

"No..." he whispered, barely audible.

Lal and Rosemary raised their eyebrow in unison.

"What was that?" asked Lal.

"N-nothing," stammered Yamamoto. He felt like he was going to pass out. The elevator signaled their arrival at the third floor with a chime and the doors parted.

Rosemary and Lal exited the elevator and looked back at Yamamoto, who was leaned against the wall, clutching his chest.

"Hey, Yamamoto! What is wrong with you? I told you to go see a doctor. Which way is Sawada's office?"

Yamamoto staggered out of the elevator. "I-I... I'm coming with you."

"Negative. You need medical attention. You're an eyesore and you'll distract Sawada while I'm speaking to him."

Yamamoto  _really_  wanted to hit her. Just once. He felt that uncontrollable rage ballooning under his rib cage.

"Yamamoto?"

Yamamoto braced himself against the elevator door and looked over to see Tsuna coming out of the conference room. "Tsuna... "

"I've been looking for you. Your earpiece is broken," he said with a frown.

_Yeah... I crushed it with my foot as soon as I left the ballroom._

"Aha... sorry. It must have fallen out during a fight."

"Are you alright? You look really pale. I thought Shamal checked you out."

"He's been like that since we rode up in the elevator," Lal said, her lips pressing into a firm, aggravated line.

"I said... I was fine," he breathed. He took a deep breath and struggled to compose himself.

"Lal, the members of the coup d'état have been imprisoned on Level C of the basement. My father informed me you'd be taking over the proceedings. Hibari and his team are overlooking the interrogations at this time so you'll have to work with him. I'll let him know you're here and I'll have someone escort you down."

"Is he going to be a pain in my ass?" asked Lal, raising an eyebrow.

Tsuna turned his head to look at her through narrowed eyes.

"Because I know he hates working with people. And to be honest I'd rather not work with such an arrogant brat," she remarked snidely.

Tsuna sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hibari will be fine. You interrogate prisoners, he'll interrogate prisoners and then the two of you can compare notes over tea for all I care. Just please, get the the job done efficiently."

Lal took a step back and cleared her throat. "Uh, of course..."

Yamamoto grinned weakly. At least someone had put her in her place.

Tsuna walked over to Yamamoto and offered him a hand. "I have to talk to you," he said. His tone wasn't the formal Decimo tone, it was that of his childhood best friend, No-Good Tsuna.

Yamamoto gripped his shoulder and leaned against him for support.

"Reborn is on his way, Lal. He wants to speak with you and my father when he gets here, so please check back in with me before you take your leave."

Lal and Rosemary followed them to Tsuna's office where Giannini sat, typing furiously on his laptop.

"I've got to speak with you anyways, but that can wait until I've talked to Hibari and Reborn. Your father sent over these." She nodded over at Rosemary who unbuttoned her suit jacket and pulled out a manila envelope. Rosemary handed it over to Tsuna.

"Those are classified documents to be seen only by the Vongola Decimo, so make sure you secure them if you're not able to review them," Lal said curtly.

"Okay," Tsuna said with curiosity. He pulled back a gold gilded frame of the Vongola crest and turned the dial of an old fashioned wall safe.

Lal scoffed. "Isn't that a little bit dated, Sawada? I mean, it's so obvious."

Yamamoto took a seat on a chocolate brown leather chaise lounge, leaning his head against the arm and closing his eyes. He kept reminding himself to stay calm, to relax, to be Yamamoto Takeshi.

"It's because it's in such an obvious place that it's the safest. No one uses these things anymore," Tsuna said quietly.

Lal pursed her lips. "I suppose."

Tsuna contacted Hibari and sent for an escort. Giannini left to work in the conference room and a few minutes later, Lal and Rosemary departed with the escort down to the basement, leaving Tsuna and Yamamoto alone.

Tsuna shut the door behind them and locked it.

"How are you feeling?" asked Tsuna.

"I'm okay." There was a long but not awkward silence. Yamamoto felt like he was drifting away. He was so tired. But he couldn't sleep now. He  _wouldn't_ sleep until he found Gokudera safe and he could sleep with him in his arms, chin on his shoulder, inhaling the sweet scent of his skin and hair.

Sadness and yearning tugged at his heart.

"I uh... I'm... sorry about earlier. I just lost it. I... I  _really_ miss him, Tsuna," Yamamoto whispered, his tone faltering.

Tsuna sighed. "I do too. I know I don't miss him like you, but it hurts just the same, Yamamoto. I told you not to shoulder this burden alone. I'm only your boss on paper. Don't  _ever_  forget that I am your friend and I will always be there for you whenever you need me. I'm sorry that things got so messed up and I am  _incredibly_ broken inside that something happened to Gokudera when I should have been there to protect him. I will never forgive myself for that, ever. I failed you and Gokudera as a boss and as your friend and I am unbelievably sorry for  _everything._  I... I understand if after this, you want to leave. You deserve it, this life is cruel and it isn't for the light hearted and looking at you now, Yamamoto... you've changed  _so much_  and I can't help but feel I'm responsible for your misery." Tsuna let out a long and shaky breath and when Yamamoto looked over at Tsuna, his big and round eyes brimmed with tears.

Yamamoto felt a pang in his heart, he hated to see Tsuna like this.

"But I... as your friend... will never let you take your own life. I will never let you step out on that ledge again, Yamamoto. That's how we became friends, do you remember? I saved you from yourself and I know I'm not Gokudera, but I will always be there to save you from yourself."

Yamamoto felt like he was close to tears himself.

"And I forgive you because I understand. If something happened to Kyoko... I wouldn't know what I'd do. So don't feel guilty, Yamamoto."

"Tsuna..." Yamamoto blinked the tears away. "I... I don't know what to say. Except that I'm just sorry. I'm just so sorry for putting you through this with everything you've had to deal with. I've been so blind, so  _selfish_ and I don't know... I don't know what I want to do after but what I do know is that I will go with you to find him. I won't stop searching until I find him."

Tsuna smiled bleakly. "I'm glad you're back to yourself. Shamal stopped by here earlier and dropped off your katana. He told me he fixed you up."

Yamamoto put an arm over his face and scoffed. "I guess you could call it that. He's sadistically convincing."

Tsuna let out a weak laugh. He fell silent for a minute. "After the battle... Giannini contacted me and told me of an urgent phone call I had to take. Yamamoto... "

Yamamoto sat up and looked over at Tsuna. There was a questionable light in his eyes. "Hm?"

Tsuna walked around to his desk and shifted a black box to the center. It looked like one of those old cassette answering machines.

"Yamamoto, I want you to listen carefully." Tsuna pressed a button and it made a clicking sound.

Yamamoto leaned in and cocked his head to the side, puzzlement furrowing his brow.

There was a quiet hum and then static.

"T-Tsuna - _static_ \- can you - _static_ \- 'ear - _static_ \- 'e?"

Yamamoto strained to hear the voice on the tape. There was a loud humming, like some sort of engine, and there was a lot of background noise as well as the constant crackle static breaking the voice up into incoherent words.

"It's me - _static_ -"

Yamamoto didn't hear the name but the voice sounded familiar.

"I've - _static_ \- 'em. Did you - _static_ \- me? I've got  _-static_ \- 'il and - _static_ -'era and I'm bringing - _static_ \- 'm home."

_Click. Click. Click._

Silence.

It didn't even take Yamamoto a second to register the words he heard. The second they were said, Yamamoto had clapped a hand to his mouth to stifle the gasping cry that had escaped it. His chest tightened, his heart stopped and he felt a surge of hot tears spill down his cheeks. He wants to replay the tape just to hear the words he's already made out and are ringing clear in his mind.

_"I've got Basil and Gokudera and I'm bringing them home."_

And Yamamoto lets it go, he lets all out, and he buries his face in his hands and quietly sobs as waves of relief wash over him -no- drench him in downpour of emotion.  _Oh god, he's alive. He's alive and he's_   _coming home._

He cries because he's happy, it's over, his light will shine inside him once more, chasing away the rising darkness again _._

"He... he's..." His voice breaks, his words are mumbled.

"That was Dino... He saved Gokudera and the remaining members of his team from the ambush. I wondered where he had gone to because when I called him to help us out one of his men told me he hadn't been handling the Family for two weeks." He sighed again and looked down at the floor.

"But why... why hasn't he...? How come...?" Yamamoto couldn't really form the words he wanted to right now, there were just too many questions, too many emotions and he was picking up on the fact that Tsuna didn't seem as happy as he should be and dread began to spread, it's icy tendrils curling up and over his heart, squeezing it in painful palpitations.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice cracking and his body trembling.

Now the tears finally spilled out onto Tsuna's cheeks and he squeezed his eyes shut and Yamamoto felt time stand still.

He read the words off of Tsuna's lips but didn't hear them over the pounding of his erratic heart beat.

 _Gokudera's been seriously injured and he's been in a coma ever since.._.

In a coma... seriously injured...

A million thoughts raced through his mind, flooding his brain causing his vision to swim. The room seemed to shift and he felt light. He felt as light as air. He didn't think he was breathing, he didn't think his heart was beating and the last thing he remembers is Tsuna frantically calling his name.

* * *

Yamamoto's eyes fluttered open and all he could see was blinding white light and he could smell the muted scent of cleaning products and antiseptic.

He blinked a few times and his vision slowly swam back into focus. He lifted an arm to rub his eyes and noticed there was a tube inserted in his forearm.

His senses came rushing in at once and he realized he must be back in the hospital wing and that he's hooked up to an IV drip.

"Yamamoto?" Tsuna loomed over him, his round eyes filled with concern and worry creasing his brow.

"Tsuna..."

"Sorry... You fainted in my office so I had some medical staff set you up in of the guest rooms for privacy."

Oh yes. Tsuna's office... where he learned that Hayato was alive. That his  _body_  was living but that he was in a coma and he hadn't woken up. That his mind wasn't necessarily all there.

Yamamoto didn't want to ask about the severity. His heart couldn't take anymore. Every time his name was mentioned, every passing thought he had of Gokudera's laugh, his smile, his silky silver hair, those sharply defiant green eyes that looked only at him with lust and admiration and love... every thought felt like a sharp and ruthless pierce through his heart with Shigure Kintoki.

What if he never got to see those eyes again, what if they never looked at him the same way? What if he never laughed, or smiled or... anything... what if he never woke up? Yamamoto felt the lump in his throat grow, cutting off his air supply. It was okay, he didn't want to breathe anyways. He felt the hot burning of tears pooling in his eyes and he bit his lip, choking back the lump and the tears. He didn't want to cry in front of Tsuna, he would wait until he was alone.

"They bandaged you properly and hooked you up to an IV to prevent you from suffering dehydration... When was the last time you  _ate?_  "

Yamamoto suddenly felt very thirsty. He shrugged. He drew in a deep breath and looked out the window to see the sun attempting to break it's way through the thick mass of gray clouds.

"Tsuna... when will this nightmare be over?" he asks with the innocence and sincerity of a child, not really conscious of the thought, just a slip of his tongue as his mind continues to race and his heart continues to break.

Tsuna never answers him, he just places a hand on Yamamoto's shoulder and squeezes. He walks out of the room, his shoes scuffling on the tile floor.

A nurse comes in to check Yamamoto's vitals but he doesn't pay her any mind, he's lost in thought, like a catatonic daze. He hears her mention something about the tenth ordering her to administer him something to aid him in sleep. Her voice is muffled and far away.

The words don't really register and a few moments after she leaves the room he begins to feel calm and mellow. His heart begins to feel a little lighter along with his limbs and his head. He feels tired, but not exhausted tired... he's relaxed and feels as light as a feather and it makes him want to close his eyes.

He tries really hard to feel the warmth of Gokudera against his back, his arms snaked around his waist, his hot and even breath on his skin. He tries  _so hard_  but it isn't the same.

He's cold and his arms are empty and he's so lonely. He doesn't try to fight the overwhelming that claims him into a dreamless slumber.


	21. Chapter 21

 

* * *

"Tenth? Dino-san of the Cavallone Family has arrived on the tarmac," Giannini announces.

Tsuna stands in his office, wearing his blood stained white dress shirt and blood splattered dress pants, hands shoved in his pockets staring out the window.

He can't stop thinking about Yamamoto and his stomach is doing flip flops because he's scared to see Gokudera. He thinks after all they've been through he'd get used to this kind of stuff but it doesn't have an effect until it hits home.

When he opens his mouth, his tongue feels heavy and slicked with bile.

"Send Shamal and a hand picked medical team to meet them there. I don't want anyone to touch him other than Shamal. Got it? And I want a Guardian stationed outside his  _private_  room at all times."

"Eh... forgive me, Tenth, but the only Guardian available at this time is Sasagawa-san. Lambo-kun is still recovering from his injuries and Hibari-san is still engaged with interrogations."

"I don't care. Put Onii-san on his door first and then pull Kusakabe Tetsuya from The Foundation base to take over. Then I will stand watch until Yamamoto is awake. Under  _no circumstances_  is he to be left alone." Tsuna's tone was cold and he didn't mean it to be but he felt broken on the inside and as a boss he couldn't fall apart now.

"Make sure his room is set in the same wing and floor as Yamamoto's room. Have a trusted team set up his equipment while Shamal examines him for a prognosis. I want Dino in my office  _immediately_."

Giannini gulps. "Y-yes, Tenth."

He scurries out of Tsuna's office and Tsuna feels like he should change out of these clothes, have a shower. Sleep. But there's no time, there's never enough time.

He shuffles some papers on his desk, tries to bring some sort of order back into his life but fixing the items on his desk isn't going to fix the mess outside his office.

He doesn't know what to do and he's dreading seeing Reborn, having those cold, dark eyes bore into his soul -because that's what Reborn did, he looked right into your soul and made you cower at his feet. He was more fearsome than anyone Tsuna had encountered, including the Yamamoto from hours earlier.

He had been sincerely afraid of Reborn ever since the curse had been broken, Tsuna had gotten to experience what a true hitman was and why he was Vongola's most feared, even more feared than the Varia and the Decimo himself. But being scared of him didn't change the fact that Tsuna still respected him, still considered him a role model and a friend and he strives still for his approval.

There was a quiet knock on the door.

"Come in."

Dino Cavallone and two men, one of them Tsuna recognized as Romario, entered his office.

He flashed a grin. "Yo, baby bro!" He gets a good look at Tsuna and his jaw drops. "Tsuna! Are you alright? Have you been hurt?"

Tsuna didn't bother to contain the overwhelming surge of emotions he felt when he walked over to Dino and threw his arms around him.

"Thank you... thank you so much for everything, Dino... I... I don't know what I would've done... and yeah... I'm alright."

Dino laughed and patted Tsuna on the back. "It was nothing, you guys are family. I'm glad to see you're still in one piece. "

Tsuna motioned for the men to sit down while he took a seat behind his desk. "I'm really glad that Gokudera and Basil are safe, but unfortunately I don't have time to get into those details. I need information. Information about everything that went down on your end. Starting from the beginning."

Dino nodded, tucking the long blond lock that fell over his eye behind his ear. "First off, let's talk about the Yankov Family. Almost a year ago their don was assassinated by a rival family and a new boss from an under branch of the family rose to the occasion, the Family praised his potential. About five months ago, he had contacted me in hopes for an alliance, just blind faith and no reasoning, so I declined. Later I had Romario do some research and what he found out was something I would have never even thought of."

Tsuna eyed his once mentor suspiciously, wondering why this story seemed a lot more complicated and in depth than it should.

"Romario found that the Yankov Family and a few of their allied Russian branches have wanted to expand their ties down in Italy for eleven years now. They had never made a move because of the Millfiore's influence on Italy and most of the other countries."

"Wait, what? Millfiore! How... what...?" Tsuna was at a loss for words.

Dino scratched his head. "It's kind of complicated to get into because of the whole time paradox and the shifting of the parallel worlds after Irie and the previous ten year later Tsuna and uh, ten year earlier Tsuna corrected the future. Trust me, it'll make your head hurt."

"You'll have to explain it to me at some point, Dino. I need to know how the Millfiore ties into this."

"They don't really, it isn't important."

"Then... huh?"

"They're no longer a family in this world, remember? We checked that out when you guys returned to the past. The Giglio Nero Family is still run by Yuni and they're still the calm and low key family they have been for ten years. There is no Gesso Family or Millfiore or Black Spell and White Spell in this time period because you guys fixed that. However, eleven years ago before you guys did something - uh.. eleven years ago in the previous world before the paradigm shifted, the Millfiore existed which prevented the cross over of Russian mafia into Italy."

Tsuna shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, wait. What your saying is that eleven years ago in the old world where the Tri Ni Sette existed and myself and the Arcobaleno are dead; where the Millfiore existed and Byakuran was still a tyrant, the Yankov Family existed as well?"

"Yes."

"And they have  _memories_  of that previous world? How? Wasn't it supposed to be only the people who had been involved in the future incident?"

"Well, since I found this to be a bit suspicious, we looked into it further. It turns out that the Russians have a similar mechanism to the Bovino's ten year bazooka and after infiltrating the Millfiore - uh, the Millfiore that existed eleven years ago in the past - they were able to construct a machine similar to Irie's. They secretly studied Byakuran's ability to move between parallel worlds and were able to recreate this ability by using the machine like Irie's."

"So they can jump parallel worlds too?"

'"It seems like that but I haven't found any evidence suggesting that they have."

"Okay, um, I... I don't understand... Why are they trying to join forces with us then? Could it be because they're trying to get information on Byakuran and our knowledge of parallel worlds?"

Dino's lips twitched. "I don't really know that, Tsuna."

"So have you found this machine?"

"No... we weren't able to find anything. But, I have to assume that they're still in possession of some sort of time jumping device. Otherwise the coup d'etat wouldn't have formed."

Tsuna scratched his head tiredly. "I'm more concerned about them being able to mess around with the timelines. If they can control it, it's possible they can move back in time and reset everything we worked so hard to prevent. Or worse yet, do something minor that will have a major effect on the future."

"The Chaos Theory... Meaning a very small change in initial conditions can create a significantly different outcome. That would be bad."

"Do I need to get Shoichi-kun in here? Because I'm just getting more confused by the minute," Tsuna said wearily.

Dino laughed nervously. "No, it's not necessary. I'm sorry this is confusing for you, Tsuna. It took a while for me to get it too. I've had almost four months to comprehend things, you're trying to do it in four minutes. Let me explain all the details later, when everyone is better and there's no longer a threat on our door step."

Tsuna sighed. "Alright. Give me the basics. I can't look like a total idiot when Reborn gets here and I have no idea what's going on... "

Dino's face went slack. "Uh... yeah. I know what you mean."

"Continue."

"Alright, this new boss of the Yankov Family has taken over and he's put a stop to the plans for them to progress with Byakuran's plan to conquer this and other parallel worlds. He's doesn't want any part of it. This has created more than a coup d'état, it's created a whole other family right under the boss's nose with the right hand man as their new leader."

"What... that's awful..." Tsuna could never imagine Gokudera ever betraying him like that.

"So when the boss started suspecting an overthrow, he wanted to unite with other families and not just in Italy, but other countries too so that he'd have more pull against the New family."

"I'm still not sure I get all this," Tsuna muttered. "The new boss, Nicolai Viktor, kept the previous don's Guardians and was edged on to take part in their plan to what... basically take over the world?"

Dino nodded.

"And when he refused, they created a... new family out of opposers against his reign and he reached out to us for... help?"

He nodded again.

"And you refused him... but I accepted because he told me that they wanted strengthen the ties between all the families he could contact, to follow in mine and Primo's lead. To create a better mafia, no more crime and useless killing. I thought he sounded sincere enough for me to agree... Did I make a mistake in trusting him, Dino?"

Dino smiled. "No, you didn't. This Nicolai Viktor really wants a better Family, but he's got no power if his Guardians aren't behind him, which none of them are. Having the Russians move in on Italian turf was bound to start a war with one family or another, anyways, so the right-hand man, Redford Scarlett was going to use that in hopes of starting a war between Russia's biggest family and Italy's biggest family, the Vongola."

"That way he could kill Nicolai Viktor and use the Vongola as a cover up..." Tsuna was mortified.

"Exactly."

"So this war isn't over yet. Where is Nicolai now?"

Dino shrugged. "I'm not sure. We tried reaching out to him and when we couldn't, after all the information Romario and I came up with, I decided to go to Russia to meet with him. Of course, I didn't know about the coup d'état until after I had arrived and had one of my men enter the family and become my informant. That's when I learned of your involvement. And the meeting between Redford and Gokudera. Except Redford didn't show up and sent an army to ambush them and unfortunately, Gokudera's team wasn't strong enough to handle the men they had."

Tsuna frowned. He felt sick. He wished he was as smart as Hibari and Dino when it came to things like this. Yes, his hyper intuition was great, honed finer by years of wisdom but the problem is was that he was still too  _trusting._

"So Nicolai is missing and all the Guardians are alive and what... ready to wage war on  _us_?"

Dino shrugged again. "My only guess is that they got tired of waiting for you to come to them, except they didn't know me and my men had intercepted the ambush and took the remaining survivors to an undisclosed location. That's why I couldn't call you, Tsuna. I'm sorry about making you worry, and not warning you about this, but I just  _couldn't._  If I had, I'd be putting me and my men, my family and the safety of Gokudera and the others in danger. I'm sorry but it was worth the risk."

Tsuna nodded. "I understand... but what you're saying is that they'll be coming here, the Guardians?"

"More than likely. My informant on the inside was killed," Dino said with a frown. "The right hand man, Redford Scarlett wants to take over as don and go ahead with Byakuran's old plans. He can't do that without waging a war and pretending the Vongola assassinated their current boss."

Tsuna set his hands to his face and scrubbed the tired skin. He rubbed his eyes, ran his hands through his hair and let out a long and heavy sigh. "So tell me about their Guardians. How strong are they? Because I'm telling you, if they attack now we'll be wiped out. I've got two Guardians that are able to fight and the rest are incapacitated. Gokudera's in a coma, Lambo's been shot and I don't want him out in that kind of fight anyways. Mukuro and Chrome as well as the Varia have gone overseas on an assignment given to them by the Vindicare so I can't even pull them off the mission out of necessity. Yamamoto is a mess... A total mess, incapable of doing anything. He's not stable and I can't trust that he won't snap. And if he does, then I can't guarantee he'll come back."

Dino frowned. "He's that bad huh..."

"Ah... I had to sedate him. If I hadn't, I can't imagine how he'd react right now, seeing Gokudera... like that."

Dino nodded solemnly and opened his mouth to say something but Tsuna raised a hand to silence him.

"I have to focus on the battle, Dino. Knowing about Gokudera is going to hurt too much for me to be able to focus properly and handle things strategically."

"Yeah... of course."

"Let's just try to keep things businesslike."

"Right... Well, their right hand man is on par with Gokudera's strength. He and the left hand man, Krolik Hayachan are both very strong, mid range fighters using explosives and cannons. Their strongest is Scozia Ludchen. He's as strong as Kyoya. And he uses a mace."

"What about the other three?"

"I'm not sure... but I think I killed them."

"Eh?"

"The other three were missing so Romario contacted our informant and he said that they were supposed to have supervised the ambush. They either got away or the opponents I fought that were strong enough to rival my strength were killed by me and my whip."

"But you weren't able to confirm that?"

"No... the informant was made and killed before we had the chance to communicate."

"Why did they come here? And without their Guardians?"

Dino shrugged. "Provocation? I guess they were hoping you'd retaliate and move the war to their turf so that they'd have the upper hand."

Tsuna sighed. "Unfortunately, they'd have the upper hand on either turf... but I can't risk them coming here. We need to take the fight to them. You'll help, won't you?"

"Tsuna... you don't even have to ask me. We're  _family_ , and after what they did to my men, to Basil, to Gokudera... I can't let that slide."

"Neither can I," Tsuna remarked, hands clenched, knuckles blanched. "I'm not sure about Reborn but I know Bianchi will fight. She'll fight to avenge Gokudera."

"Are you sure she'll leave his side?" Dino asked, shifting in his seat and running a hand through his wavy blond hair. He's shrugged out of his green fatigued jacket.

Tsuna had wondered why he still had on a jacket after being in his office for this long.

"As long as Yamamoto is with him, she'll be ready to fight."

"Won't Yamamoto want to fight too? We could really use his skills, Tsuna. He's an amazing swordsman."

Tsuna looked away. He's knew Dino was right but he knew what Yamamoto would turn in to if he put him in a situation like that.

He wasn't going to make him fight anymore, Yamamoto needed to rest and not just physically, but his mind and his heart needed a rest too. Tsuna felt like he hadn't done one thing right since this whole thing started with the Yankov Family but he wasn't going to keep being oblivious to the feelings of his Family either.

"I agree with you... But as his boss I won't allow him to fight because he's just too unstable. And as his friend I won't allow him to fight because he's too... tired." Tsuna looked back at Dino to see if he understood.

Dino quirked his mouth to the side and looked over at Romario who nodded.

"Alright, I'll prepare my best men."

Tsuna nodded, relieved. "And to be honest, Dino... when Yamamoto wakes up he isn't going to leave Gokudera's side. They're inseparable. They always have been, even when they didn't like each other."

Dino stood and nodded. "I know."

"So will you be heading back tonight?"

"Yeah... I've got to see what I can come up with. We'll need a really good plan. You might want to consider asking your father for help in coming up with strategics, since Gokudera isn't... able to. I'll keep in touch with you and let you know if my men are able to dig up anything useful on the Yankov Guardians and anything else we find out."

"Okay, I will. And I'll let you know if the CEDEF or Irie and Spanner come up with anything. I... I want to have this taken care of before Gokudera wakes up."

Dino nodded. "I understand."

There was a quick rap at the door. Dino looked over at Tsuna, who nodded, signaling the conclusion of their meeting and he opened the door.

"Kyoya..."

Tsuna looked over Dino's shoulder to see Hibari at the door, which was kind if concerning since Hibari rarely came to see him.

He scowled at Dino.

"H-Hibari... What... are you doing here?" Tsuna asked.

"I've come to give you my reports on the interrogations," Hibari said, pushing Dino aside with his tonfa.

Dino smirked.

"O-okay... did you find out any useful information?"

Hibari narrowed his eyes. "No, they were useless so I bit them to death." He slapped some files down on Tsuna's desk and turned to leave.

"Oh," he said, turning to Tsuna. "Kusakabe is busy with Foundation work and he's not able to keep watch at the Storm Guardian's door. I'll take over for Sasagawa, I need to clean the bloody Russians off my tonfas."

Tsuna was taken aback by the look in Hibari's eyes. His stone cold gray eyes showed mild concern and curiosity and Tsuna remembered that Hibari never let a debt go unsettled. And he knew that he was supposed to have been sent on that mission instead of Gokudera. Was this is way of somehow repenting?

"Uh... okay, that's fine," Tsuna replied.

There was a long, awkward silence. Finally Hibari cleared his throat and brushed passed Dino who grabbed his arm.

_Oh no, Dino... don't invade his space... don't touch him or he's going to bite you to death!_

Hibari looked down at Dino's grip on his arm and back up at Dino through narrowed eyes.

"Kyoya... I hope you've been behaving yourself for my little bro here," he said suggestively with a wink.

Tsuna was beginning to feel like he shouldn't be here in his own office, witnessing this strange display of... whatever it was.

Hibari smirked and pulled away from Dino. "Hn? Touch me again and I'll bite you to death." He raised a warning tonfa and left Tsuna's office.

"Uh... it was a miracle he didn't bite you to death," Tsuna said.

"Haha... Kyoya's bite isn't as bad as his bark."

Tsuna raised a suspicious brow. "If you say so."

"Hey, Tsuna..."

"Hm?"

"You should really go see Gokudera. They say that sometimes people in a coma can still hear the world around them. I'm sure that Gokudera would want to hear your voice, you know... It might help him regain consciousness."

Tsuna's brown eyes went wide and tears brimmed in the corners. "Really? You really think that?"

Dino gave him a warm smile. "You mean a lot to him, Tsuna. I'm sure he'd love to know his boss and more importantly, his best friend, was there by his side."

Tsuna's eyes drifted to the floor. He felt a hot tear roll down his cheek and off his chin, falling to the plush carpet. "Ah... I guess you're right. Thanks, Dino... Thank you for everything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my girls [8059 Lovers Group] on Facebook (used to be Skype)
> 
> **INTRODUCING THE YANKOV FAMILY :**
> 
> * Nicholai Vincent/Nicholai8059Lover - Nicolai Viktor
> 
> * Red Scarlett Kuasta - Redford Scarlett
> 
> * Hayato Gokudera/Bunny-chan [Haya-chan to me] - Krolik Hayachan [Krolik is 'bunny' in Russian]
> 
> * Logan Scozia Kirkland [Ludchen or Lo-chan to me] - Scozia Ludchen
> 
> You guys are amazing xo


	22. Chapter 22

 

* * *

Tsuna left Gokudera's room in tears and shaking with anger. It wasn't like him to get so worked up but seeing Gokudera look so helpless... so  _lifeless_  made his heart and stomach wrench with pain and anguish.

He took his time retreating to his office, feeling very much like a failure. Feeling very much like No-Good Tsuna.

When he stepped off the elevator, his eyes had been directed to the floor but where drawn up when he felt an intense pressure and overwhelming sense of malignancy. He knew this feeling.

Back leaned against the wall, arms crossed and head lowered, hidden in the shadow of his fedora stood Reborn, the feared hitman and ex Arcobaleno.

"Dame Tsuna," he uttered in his icy cold tone. "What is going on here?"

"Reborn..." Tsuna whispered, attempting to catch his breath. He quickly wiped the wetness from his cheeks. "When did you get here?"

"Spare me the pleasantries, Tsuna. This isn't a pleasant situation."

"I-I... I know..."

"Well? I asked you a question." Reborn stood to his full height, cocking his head to the side so he could peer down at Tsuna with his coal black orbs.

Tsuna felt a flutter in his stomach and his lungs tighten. Reborn's tone was so intimidating, it made it hard for him to form proper sentences. "I uh... Well, you know... This is what..."

Reborn let out an exasperated sigh. "I already know, I've spoken with everyone in connection with the incident. I'm asking you what is going on  _here._ The Family is a mess."

"I know, Reborn. I know. I messed up but I'm trying to fix it. How was I supposed to know that any of this was going to happen?"

"I don't expect you to know everything. But I do expect you to be prepared for every kind of situation and I must say, you have completely failed."

Tsuna could feel his blood boiling. Who the hell did he think he was to talk down to him like that? He hated his insinuating tone, his arrogant attitude, his judgmental scowl. He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth.

"Don't you think I know that?! Do you think I can't see the disaster at my door, feel the crumbling foundation of the Family beneath my feet and that I've turned a blind eye to the fact that my  _friends_ are the ones suffering for all this? I don't need you to tell me I'm a failure, Reborn. I already feel it, right in here!" Tsuna clapped a hand to his chest, over his heart. His breathing was rapid and shallow and angry heat flushed his body.

Reborn tipped his fedora back and curled one of his thin, wiry sideburns between his thumb and forefinger. He stood watching Tsuna for a moment with a complete lack of emotion.

_What happened, Reborn... What happened for you to be so cold?_

"Good. I'm glad you feel it. I want you to remember that feeling when we leave here tomorrow, Tsuna."

"Eh?"

"We leave tomorrow to deal with these Russians. Someone's got to clean up this mess and it will be us, the strong and proud and righteous Vongola Family. We will not surrender nor cower to the likes of them. They'll know not to underestimate the Vongola. And  _you_  will make them remember not to underestimate the Vongola Decimo."

"Reborn..."

"Your Guardians are your Family, they're your friends, they're your protectors. Remember this. Within the sky a storm brews, followed by rain and lightning. The clouds will part and the mist will lift, leaving the sun to shine. When all elements come together, the sky is now whole again. Do you understand?"

Reborn uncrossed his arms and reached for something in his pocket. He pulled out his hand and opened it, revealing a small, yellow pacifier.

"I am and always have been, a part of this family. The ninth and Primo chose you, I tutored you but  _they_  have made you the man you've become. This I keep as a reminder of the trials I had to overcome to be free again. This is also a symbol of the good I've done in my lifetime, like training you. Don't make me regret it, Tsuna."

Reborn grabbed Tsuna's hand and placed the pacifier in his palm. He locked on to Tsuna's warm chocolate brown eyes with his icy obsidian irises that looked like they would drink you in and get you lost into an endless, lonely abyss.

"Don't make me regret it," he said once more, in a stern and earnest tone and he brushed past Tsuna, leaving him alone in the empty hallway of the third floor.

* * *

Yamamoto awoke feeling groggy and thirsty. His tongue felt thick and heavy, his lips felt chapped and he was vaguely aware of the dull, throbbing pain from his injuries. He didn't know what day it was or what time it was, just noticed that when he looked outside, the sky was curtained in a pale moonlight blanketed with the glitter of far away stars.

He wished that this night had fallen on a different night, when he and Hayato could lounge on their terrace at home and just stare at the sky. There wouldn't be a need for them to talk, the silence between them would speak volumes because nothing between them was awkward or uncomfortable.

He was going to be okay, and Hayato was going to be okay and he was determined to not let go. He was Yamamoto Takeshi. He didn't relent so easily.

Sliding up slowly on the bed, he noticed that the IV drip was still hooked up to the tube in his arm. He didn't need it, he just needed some water, so he pulled it out. Allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness, he scanned the room and found a pitcher of water and a glass beside it on a desk in the far corner of the room, along with towels and a fresh suit folded neatly on the surface.

He moved off the bed slowly and was a little unsteady on his feet so he gave himself a moment. He moved in cautious strides to the desk and poured himself a glass of water, gulping it down greedily and almost choking. When he finished that glass, he drank another and another until his stomach felt sloshy and bloated.

Panting heavily from the lack of oxygen while drinking, he grabbed the towels and clothing and sauntered to the en suite bathroom where he searched for a First Aid kit. He found one and made sure it had gauze and bandages so he could dress his wounds after he showered. He needed something to refresh him and sometimes a hot shower could cleanse more than just a body.

So he showered without thinking much but at the same time, seemingly lost in thought. He got out, dressed his wounds and put on his suit. He fumbled with the tie and decided against it, since he was never good at tying them anyways. That was always Hayato's job. Yamamoto could have learned how to tie one by now but then what excuse would he have for all the times Hayato would be in such close proximity and tugging on his tie, smirking and pulling Yamamoto in for a kiss.

He hoped that Tsuna had finally gotten some rest and decided against looking for him to inquire about Gokudera. What he did decide on was taking a walk, he needed so fresh air to clear his head. Maybe swing a bat at the batting cage just down the hill from the estate. Surely smelling the leather of the balls and feeling the smooth wood in his hands and hearing that satisfying crack when the ball connects with the bat... surely that would make him feel a little better. If anything, it could help with relieving some of his stress.

So he left his room, not sure for a minute where he was until he recognized he was in the estate's main building on the second floor but in the opposite wing of where their offices were. It was tempting to not go to Gokudera's office and touch his things, smell him there, hear remnants of past conversations and be reminded of ghostly memories.

As he walked down the hall to that wing's elevator he passed a door that was cracked open an inch or two and he could hear soft, muffled crying and the muted beeping of a machine. Yamamoto furrowed his brow in confusion and was about to continue walking when he heard someone quietly call out his name.

It wasn't just a someone, it was Bianchi.

Yamamoto froze in place and his heart picked up pace.

"Takeshi...?" She opened the door a bit more, but only enough so that her body could fit through. He tried to look in over her head but she was a pretty tall woman and the expression on her face made him tear his eyes away from the contents in the room.

Her skin was paler than usual and her green eyes were red and the skin around them was puffy. Her mouth was drawn into a thin wavering line and she looked exhausted.

"B-Bianchi... I didn't know you had come back."

"I-I got in yesterday evening."

He scratched the back of his neck. "Oh? I don't really know what day it is," he muttered sheepishly.

"Mm, you were asleep for a day and a half."

"Oh..."

She raised and eyebrow and looked him over. "Are you feeling better? I heard you've been having a hard time with... Hayato's disappearance."

Yamamoto looked down at the ground, embarrassed. "Yeah... I guess I was. But he's on his way home with Dino, he's going to be okay now," he said, smiling in hopes of cheering her up.

Bianchi looked at him and held his gaze. She stared hard at him for a while until the point where he became a little uncomfortable. He shifted his weight and cleared his throat.

"Well, haha... I was just ab-"

"Hayato is back."

Yamamoto froze once again. "Wh-what?"

"He's in here... asleep... He looks like he's... asleep but I-" Her voice suddenly broke and fresh tears began to fall.

Yamamoto just stood there and blinked. He wanted to see him  _so bad_  but he could feel the fear and dread tugging his at stomach, making him feel nauseous. He wanted to reach out and comfort her but he couldn't move his limbs.

"Bianchi, come."

Yamamoto turned to see the outline of what he assumed was Reborn, leaning against the elevator door.

Bianchi looked up at Yamamoto and shook her head, covering her face in the crook of her arm. She hurried of to Reborn and sought refuge in his arms.

The arms that Yamamoto yearned to have around him were limp, still... lifeless.

He put a hesitant hand on the door knob, fear and anxiety twisting vile knots in his gut.

"A storm isn't a storm without the rain, Yamamoto," Reborn declared as the elevator doors eased shut.

Yamamoto was left alone in the dim lit hallway and the only sounds he could hear were the beeping of a machine and his rapidly pounding heart. He drew in a breath and inched the door open further but squeezed his eyes shut, he couldn't bring himself to look.

The beeping of the machine got louder and so did his thumping heart. He heard a steady, rhythmic hissing coinciding with the beeping.

Yamamoto slowly opened his eyes and time stood still.

His heart stopped.

The air in his lungs became trapped, his throat closed over, his body went rigid.

Gokudera lay still and motionless in a bed too big for his frame. He blurred in with the white of the bed sheets by the colour of his pallid skin. The blankets covered the majority of his inert body but Yamamoto could see the bandages wrapping around his ribs, the gauzed bandage over his bony shoulder and neck. There was a mask connected to a ventilator covering his unmoving mouth and on his chest and head were small, circular pads with wires leading to the beeping machine. There's an IV stand where there are bags of various saline solutions being administered intravenously through tubing in his arm and hand.

 _Oh god._   _Oh god, why..._

His eyes slowly slid up to his head where he let out some kind of incoherent, strangled cry because beyond the bandage roped around Gokudera's head he could see just a small tuft of silver hair. It had been shaved short with the top chopped and brushed in a similar fashion to Ryohei Sasagawa's hair.

The stagnant oxygen that's been hitched in his lungs comes flying out in a long, winded breath as if he had just been forcefully rammed in the gut, which the scene before him had surely done.

"Go-Goku...dera," he chokes and with a smashing rush that nearly causes Yamamoto to keel over, time begins to move again and he's staggering his way over to the beside.

His knees become jellied and his feet feel like they're covered in cement. It takes him an agonizing eternity to reach the chair stationed by Gokudera's bedside where he reaches out a long and unsteady arm to grip the back of the chair for much needed support.

His heart hasn't beat once. Instead it feels like there's a vice encasing it, slowly being turned so that his heart is painfully constricting, squeezing out every bit of life force. And it's just not a vice closing in on his heart, there's one wrapped around his entire rib cage, pressing in so hard that he's suffocating. The pain is unbearable, everything in him is breaking, continuously compacting until there won't be anything left except the empty shell of a man.

He eases down on the chair and he can't take his burning eyes away. He wants to, he wants to squeeze them shut and shake his head and pretend this is another nightmare and when he wakes, Hayato will be there with a soft pink hue in his cheeks and glowing green eyes gazing at him lovingly.

_"Listen to me Takeshi..."_

_"I want you to know..."_

_"I want you to know that I love you."_

Yamamoto slowly slides his hand down to twine with Gokudera's prone hand. When his fingertips brush the cold skin, he snaps them away and a shudder runs through him and he chokes on air again.

Gokudera's body is frail, he's so  _thin._ He looks so breakable and hollow, like fine blown glass and Yamamoto is almost afraid to touch him because he doesn't want what's left of his whole world to shatter before his eyes.

_"I'm not a fucking China doll."_

He wants to run his fingers through Gokudera's hair but he knows the tenuous and ragged locks will feel incongruous and unfamiliar in his hands.

He wants to kiss him, kiss him anywhere but he knows the only response he'll get is the stone cold shock against his lips and it isn't the response he's been longing for.

_"You should just kiss me already."_

And then finally, he breaks.

The vice closing in on his heart has successfully crushed it and now there's a awful wrenching feeling in his stomach. The hot sting of uncontrollable tears burn his cheeks and loud, wailing sobs wrack his entire body. He cries for his Hayato, he begs for him to wake up. He desperately grabs Gokudera's icy cold hand and brings it to his lips, to his hot and wet cheek and cries against the skin. He whispers that he's there, that everything will be okay and that he loves him. He loves him  _so much_.

He moves his fingers to Gokudera's face, brushing them along his now prominent cheekbone, tracing over two healing gashes and following the line of his sullen cheek to the hard, clear plastic of the mask fitted over his mouth.

He almost moves to touch his hair, but he can't. He can't bring himself to touch it because this will feel too real. Touching his hair was tangible proof that what was in front of him wasn't just some nightmare he was going to wake up from. Instead it was a nightmare he couldn't seem to get out of.

He rested his head an arm beside Gokudera's shoulder, despite the ache and pull in his back from the awkward position and tried to inhale the familiar scent but there was nothing. No nitroglycerin, no gun powder, no smoky tobacco, not even the sugary vanilla shampoo.

There was nothing of his Hayato here.


	23. Chapter 23

 

* * *

The days and nights come to pass, seeping into one another with blurred dawns and dusks and having no significance to Yamamoto Takeshi. He doesn't know how many times or for how long he has cried. He waits; sometimes anxiously, sometimes patiently, sometimes desperately and sometimes apathetically but he is  _always_  waiting by Gokudera's bedside for some sign of life.

He talks to him sometimes, talks to him about the things he remembers. He remembers a lot because Gokudera was his first  _everything_  and every moment he's spent with him has been etched into his brain. Every kiss he remembers; the shine in his eyes, the smell of his hair, the feel of his touch and down to the taste of Gokudera's lips. He memorizes all the things he loves and everything about Gokudera is no exception.

This night was quiet, he could hear crickets off in the distance and it made him remember the sound of the cicadas in Japan. He wished he was home in his room, curled next to Gokudera in his bed. He wished for the nights his father was out late and Gokudera would stay and they'd fall asleep to the hum of the cicadas in the still of night.

Not many things made Yamamoto smile anymore, but his memories of simpler times always did. He really did want to leave the mafia, he wanted to leave this life behind and just make a new one. A different kind of life where he played baseball for a living and Gokudera could play the piano and compose pieces and they could live happily with each other without the constant looming of imminent death.

But he knew Gokudera would never leave Tsuna's side. He knew he would never leave the mafia and Yamamoto couldn't make him choose. No matter how selfish he wanted to be, he could-  _would_  never ask that of him. He decided when he was fifteen, when he was pretty sure what he felt for the silver haired boy was infatuated and overwhelming love, that anywhere Gokudera goes, he will follow. Even if it's to stay here in this dreadful place, as long as he could be with Gokudera, he'd be willing to sacrifice that dream.

He learned from Lambo that Tsuna had moved out with the remaining Guardians and the largest Vongola army ever to have been assembled since Tsuna's reign to deal with the Yankov Family. Yamamoto didn't care about any of that, he just wanted Gokudera back.

Tsuna and the Guardians came back alive with little causalities and they had defeated the Yankov men. Tsuna was able to successfully saved their boss, Nikolai Viktor and they quickly became friends because Tsuna was like a magnet that pulled people towards him in a positive charge, even if the people were negatives.

The other men were brought back to Italy and locked away at the Vindicare prison. Yamamoto didn't care about any of that either, although he had many colourful dreams in which he found different ways of torturing and killing those who were involved in putting Gokudera through.

Maybe a week went by, maybe the week rolled into another and another into a month but Yamamoto really wasn't certain of time anymore. He just kept on waiting. It was like the rest of the world was set to fast forward while the time around him stood still.

Gokudera was still thin and pale but the bandages had been removed, his wounds had begun to heal and his hair was starting to grow back. At times Yamamoto felt like there was still hope.

There was a time a nurse came in to wash him down and apply new bandages. As she was about to place the cloth on Gokudera, instinctively, Yamamoto grabbed her wrist and flung it away with an intense ferocity and he hadn't meant to. Her eyes had gone wide, she stuttered and she fled the room. After that, Yamamoto refused to let anyone touch him. He was extremely and possessively protective, like a lioness over her cubs. Half the time he didn't realize what he was doing and he guessed that even with Gokudera back, the dark inside him still lurked because there just wasn't enough light to suppress it yet.

The nurse never returned and neither did any new ones.

He was the one that took care of Gokudera, he did everything for him the way a man should. He stayed strong even though inadvertently he was broken anf shattered in so many directions that he never knew what side of him he'd wake up to.

Despite all that, Tsuna came to visit often and so does Sasagawa. Bianchi comes too, but it's never long before she breaks into tears which often makes Yamamoto follow suit.

Lambo is  _always_  there, either outside the room or standing in the door way, sometimes watching, sometimes talking to Gokudera like Yamamoto isn't even in the room.

Occasionally Kyoko and Haru come to check in on him but they never stay long. Unexpected people like Hibari and Spanner come by too, but they leave faster than the girls and don't really speak much. Yamamoto is glad for that. He doesn't ever feel like company.

The Varia had returned and they were up to their usual antics of yelling and attempts of murder on each other, but Yamamoto didn't notice much. It just reminded him of how annoyed Gokudera would get, stomping around and yelling about them being too noisy and disrupting the tenth, even though he was the loudest one of them.

Squalo made sure to visit but only to call him pathetic trash and tell him he needed to get out of this room, to just  _get a life_. Yamamoto wasn't offended because he knew Squalo is easy to read just like Gokudera. The cruel words they said held a different meaning if you knew how to read between the lines.

Other than that, most people kept their distance and that was okay. Yamamoto was moving in some sort of alternate reality, where he only really saw himself and Gokudera so the people that flocked in and out of Gokudera's room were just background noise to him.

Tonight, Yamamoto had his head in its usual place, on his arm rested on the bed beside Gokudera's shoulder. He learned long ago how to drown out beeping and hissing of the machines and tonight he listened to the soft and steady rhythm of Gokudera's heart. While he was happy to hear it beat, it was all wrong. Gokudera's heart would thump loud and erratic when Yamamoto was this close. He felt the quickened pulse through his lips when he'd kiss his neck and felt the vibrations that simulated through his chest when he was in Yamamoto's arms and when it was quiet, the drumming of that heart would often lull him to sleep.

Yamamoto had his hand over Gokudera's and he was near sleep when he thought he felt a twitch underneath his fingers.

He raised his his head and looked down at his hand, waiting. After a few minutes he was about to lay his head back down when he felt another twitch. It was subtle, but he definitely felt it.

He looked from his hand to Gokudera's face. He squeezed Gokudera's hand and whispered his name. He didn't get a response but he wasn't expecting to. His heart was pounding, the blood rushing in his ears was resounding.

He knew Gokudera's fingers just moved,  _he felt it_.

He wanted to get Shamal but he couldn't move. He didn't want to leave just in case he missed that moment, the moment that Gokudera opened his eyes and saw Yamamoto right there, waiting for him.

There was another twitch in Gokudera's fingers, this time the movement was more of a jerk and curl, like he was seeking to wrap them around something.

Yamamoto cupped Gokudera's cheek and slid his thumb along his cheekbone.

"Hayato..." he whispered. "Can you hear me? It's... it's okay to wake up now."

This time, Yamamoto felt Gokudera's fingers squeeze his own fingers. It was weak but it seemed like he was responding to the sound of Yamamoto's voice.

Yamamoto's heart skipped a few beats and fluttered against his chest. He felt tears welling in his eyes and his lungs tighten.

"Oh Gokudera," he choked, feeling the tears spill over the brims of his eyes. He squeezed back and leaned in to kiss his forehead.

He suddenly felt the brush of something soft graze his chin ever so slightly, he nearly missed it.

When Yamamoto looks down he sees the flutter of silvery black eyelashes and the slow opening of pale eye lids, revealing hazy green eyes.

Yamamoto's breath became stuck in his lungs, his heart nearly leaped out of his open and slack mouth.

"Ha-Hayato?" Yamamoto finally manages to stutter.

Gokudera shifted his milky gaze over to Yamamoto and blinked a few times, his silver brows forming a slow and haphazard look of confusion.

For a quick second, Yamamoto felt icy talons claw at his heart and a wave of nausea wash over him and a small, garbled sound escapes his lips.

_Oh... He doesn't know who I am._ _.._

But then the expression softens and Gokudera blinks a few more times, turning his head slowly in Yamamoto's direction. He gently tightens the grip of his fingers against Yamamoto's.

With sudden realization, an overwhelming rush of relief and sheer elation crash into him with such a force, sending him reeling and he has to grip the bed sheets to keep himself stable.

Those were the eyes of  _his_ Hayato.

Yamamoto can't stop the flow of tears escaping the wells of his eyes nor the grin that stretches to his hazel eyes. He throws his arms around the still frail body of his beloved and buries his face into the side of his neck. He tells Gokudera he loves him though each joyous sob but breaks away when he remembers Shamal said to page him the instant he awoke.

He snaps back and wipes the tears off his cheeks with the heel of his hand and laughs a little, almost embarrassed at the sudden display of affection he's shown to Gokudera, half expecting him to reprimand him for doing something so sappy.

When he opens his eyes, it's just in time to watch in horror as Gokudera's eyes roll back into his head and he's still. He's comatose again.

Yamamoto races to the phone and calls for Shamal. It doesn't take him long to get there and when he comes it's with Tsuna and Bianchi.

Shamal listens as Yamamoto tells him every little thing and then Shamal breathes a long, sigh of relief in unison with the young Vongola boss.

He tells Yamamoto that it's normal for patients to wake up for short periods of time and slip back into the coma but Yamamoto shouldn't worry because it's only a matter of time now before Gokudera regains full consciousness.

Tsuna doesn't bother to hide his tears of happiness as Shamal examines Gokudera.

Bianchi goes over to kiss his cheek and run her fingers through his hair.

Yamamoto really misses Gokudera's hair. He misses the uneven and layered locks that would sparkle like crushed diamonds in the sun, blow bewitchingly in a breeze and fan out around his ivory angelic face like a halo when his head was against a pillow and Yamamoto was on top of him.

Shamal tells Yamamoto to get some rest and leaves with Bianchi. Tsuna stays for a little while longer and they don't speak to each other because Yamamoto is just focused on Gokudera. Eventually Tsuna leaves, squeezing his shoulder and Yamamoto is finally alone with Gokudera. He doesn't get any sleep that night, he just waits to see those eyes, feel the squeeze of his fingers or even just feel the twitch of his hand but nothing happens.

It takes almost a week for Gokudera to finally regain full consciousness and every time he wakes, Yamamoto goes through the renewed stretch of emotions only to have it cut short when he slips back under. When he finally does come to, Yamamoto isn't there but hears it from Lambo, who's run all over the estate looking for him.

When he gets to Gokudera's room, Shamal is just leaving and he tells Yamamoto that Gokudera is responsive and alert but that he shouldn't push him too hard. Lambo leaves with Shamal and gives Yamamoto the opportunity he's been waiting for, almost three months in the making.

When he walks through the door he sees Gokudera, without the breathing tube and oxygen mask covering his face. He turns his head in Yamamoto's direction and his mouth twitches like it wants to curl into a smile but it doesn't quite make it there. He lifts a slow finger off the bed and taps the bed sheets, beckoning Yamamoto to come closer and Yamamoto can feel his heart wrenching and twisting, his chest tightening and tears threatening to fall.

He smiles half heartedly, unsure as the same play of emotions run their course again except the reaction this time is slow, muted because he's become a little desensitized now and he's not sure when Gokudera will slip away again.

He sits down in the familiar chair beside the bed and locks his fingers in between Gokudera's and squeezes. The tears start to fall and he thinks that after all the things he's rehearsed in his mind to say in this moment none of them seem to fit the way he feels right now.

"H-hi..." Gokudera whispers, his voice sounding harsh and raspy and barely audible from lack of use, exaggerated by all the years of heavy smoking. He squeezes Yamamoto's hand but his grip is loose.

"Hi," Yamamoto says with a wide grin. It's the first time in three months he's heard the gravelly voice that strikes a chord somewhere deep in his groin.

"D-don't smile at m-me... w-with all... th-those tears... in your eyes." Gokudera says, struggling to form words. His breathing is still a little unstable.

Yamamoto grin widens and the tears keep flowing. "I missed you," he whispered, choking on the lump in his throat.

Gokudera's lips twitched at the corners to form a smirk no one but Yamamoto would notice because he knows all the lines and contours of this beautiful man's face, he knows  _every_  emotion that face makes. "Sa-sappy."

Yamamoto doesn't know what to do with himself. He wants to wrap his arms around Gokudera and lock him in for an eternity, to kiss him, to just touch him everywhere to make sure that what he's seeing isn't a mirage.

"Mm-my h-head... f-feels ligh-ter."

Yamamoto felt a twinge in his heart and in his gut. "They... cut your hair," he says dolefully and sniffling.

Gokudera's face wrenches into a furious scowl and Yamamoto can't help but feel nostalgic. It's been so long since he's seen that face.

"Fu-Fuckers."

Yamamoto feels a light chuckle move up his throat.

"Bastards took my... rr-ing," he murmurs and Yamamoto looks confused because the Storm ring is on his annular finger, right next to his Rain ring.

Yamamoto lifts his right hand to show him the rings. "I have it. Dino brought it back with some of your things."

"Nn-no..." There was an extra long pause.  _"Y_ _our..._  r-ring."

Yamamoto furrows his brow in deeper confusion but then remembers the not-engagement-maybe-promise ring he gave Hayato on his birthday last year.

He brings Gokudera's hand to his nose and brushed his lips against the familiar skin.

"Oh, Hayato," he says fondly. "That doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad they didn't take... you. I'll get you another one," he teases.

"I-Idiot..." Gokudera sighs and falls silent.

Yamamoto looks down at the floor, brushing his thumb over Gokudera's knuckles. There's a long silence between them but it isn't awkward. He doesn't know what to say because he wants to say so many things, he just doesn't know where to start.

He hears Gokudera draw in a breath and he raises his head to meet the eyes that have almost regained their glow.

"Yama... I-I'm... so-"

Yamamoto leans in and presses his lips to Gokudera's. It was a sweet, closed mouthed and chaste kiss but Yamamoto wasn't aiming for making out. He just wanted to feel his lips against his and save him from the agonizing apology for something that wasn't his fault.

He rested his forehead against Gokudera's and closed his eyes. "I missed you," he said again.

Gokudera lifted a shaky arm off the bed and cupped his cheek with a trembling hand. He peered into Yamamoto's eyes with sincerity. "I did too."


	24. Chapter 24

 

* * *

It didn't take Gokudera as long as Shamal had suggested for him to fully recover. Yamamoto knew that it was because he was stubborn and wouldn't sully his pride by lying prone in a hospital bed useless to the Family. He struggled a lot at first but Gokudera was a strong-willed man and he was determined to function again.

Yamamoto stayed by his side and there were a lot of times Gokudera would take his frustrations out on him but it didn't make him love Gokudera any less or discourage him from helping and eventually Gokudera came around and pushed through, only taking four months to regain the use of his limbs, with proper dexterity and reflexes. Yamamoto was extremely proud.

It was nice to finally be able to take Gokudera back to their home, around their things, around the many memories they created here. It couldn't have been more perfect when Yamamoto finally got to sleep next to him in their bed, sprawled out while Gokudera wrapped himself around him.

Waking up with Gokudera in his arms made him feel like a teenager again, before the mafia was more than just a game, before they moved to Italy. All the despair and the heartbreak had been pushed behind him. Gokudera was alive and safe and it made him every bit as happy as he had been before this had all happened.

Yamamoto pulled him in close and kissed the nape of his neck. "Good morning," he whispered in Gokudera's ear.

"Go away," he grunted.

 _Always so grouchy in the mornings_ , he thought with a smile.

Yamamoto kissed his shoulder. "Are you sure? You might get cold if I leave," he said through the kiss.

As if to prove him right, Gokudera's flesh bumped under his lips and he shivered.

"Idiot... if you're going to be my personal heater, the least you could do is get closer to me," Gokudera muttered into his pillow.

Yamamoto chuckled against his skin, pressing his arm against Gokudera's chest and closing the already minute space between them.

"Hm... maybe I should go out for my jog instead, ne Gokudera?"

"Che, do whatever you want. Just shut up already, I'm tryin' to sleep."

"Okay," Yamamoto replied cheerfully and threw the blankets off himself, wincing at the rush of cool air on his heated skin. He moved to get out of bed when Gokudera turned around and grabbed his wrist.

"Come back here, you bastard," he said with a scowl.

Yamamoto laughed and slid back under the comforter. "Ma, ma... so pushy, Gokudera."

"Tch... don't laugh as if you've won something. I really just want you here for the body heat."

"Right, right. Come here then," Yamamoto said, slipping an arm underneath Gokudera and using it to bring him closer.

"Will you stop moving around so much? You're creating a draft, you idiot."

"Mm, I've heard that moving actually heats the body up, ne Gokudera?"

"Don't look at me with such a perverted look on your face."

"Ah, but Gokudera lying here next to me all naked and warm... it's very erotic."

A bright pink spread itself across Gokudera's cheeks and he scowled. "You..."

Yamamoto cupped the back of Gokudera's head and brought him in for a kiss. It's long and smooth and Yamamoto can already tell how this one is going to play out.

He pressed his body against Gokudera's, fitting one leg in between his and stroked his hand down Gokudera's spine, his fingertips bumping off each individual vertebrae until he reaches his ass, where he pressed his fingertips into the soft flesh.

Gokudera let out a heavy breath into Yamamoto's open mouth and gripped Yamamoto's cheek in the same fashion. He elicits a pleasurable gasp when Yamamoto's evident erection twitches against his own.

It's been a long time and Yamamoto is hungry. Last night took every bit of restraint he could muster not to cage Gokudera in and take him away to a place that would have him seeing stars. But he and Gokudera were exhausted and honestly, it was just as good to finally lay next to him and soak in the warmth emanating off his body.

Now... now it was harder to contain the urge, a yearning that Yamamoto desperately needed to give in to so that he could forget the last five months ever happened.

He breaks out of the kiss so that he can kiss down Gokudera's throat, over his Adam's apple and up to his ear. He licks the shell while he moves his hand across Gokudera's hip, brushing it over the muscle between his legs before sliding it up to a hardened nipple. Yamamoto pinches it between his index finger and thumb, tweaking and tugging. He moves his mouth down where he flicks and swirls his tongue over the sensitive bud. He hears a sultry " _aah_ " from above his head and it sends an electric current right down to his loins.

Yamamoto slides his hand down Gokudera's stiff and ready cock but he just teases, grazing the palm of his hand over it before he moves it down his thigh.

He feels a tug at his scalp and hears an irritated hiss. Yamamoto takes his time kissing his way down Gokudera's chest, smiling through the kisses at his growing impatience. He licks the rest of his way down to Gokudera's twitching cock, teasing the head and lapping small beads of pre cum with the flat of his tongue.

" _Aah_ _..._ " Gokudera's breath comes out in heavy huffs and he drags a hand through Yamamoto's hair.

Yamamoto wants things to go slow, he wants to relish in their passion. But the ache of longing and lust is too much and he can't stop himself. The noises Gokudera make are driving him crazy and the way he's bucking his hips and clutching his hair send shudders right through him. Gokudera is too enticing.

"Fuck... Takeshi...  _hurry up already_ ," he groans, desperate to get the warmth of Yamamoto's mouth around his flesh.

"Mm, Gokudera is  _so_  sexy," Yamamoto growls against Gokudera's inner thigh. He licks his way across Gokudera's scrotum and hooks his arms under Gokudera's thighs so that his legs are draped over Yamamoto's shoulders.

Yamamoto takes all of Gokudera into his mouth in one go, the tip of his head pressing against the back of his throat and he tightened his lips around the base. He swirled his tongue around the length and pulled back, his lips still wrapped tightly around Gokudera's dick.

Gokudera wrapped his arms around Yamamoto's neck and wrenched his fingers tighter into his hair.

" _Aah fuck!"_ he barks when Yamamoto slides a finger in dryly, curling it up to stroke his inner walls.

Yamamoto continues his ministrations, occasionally slipping his tongue down to Gokudera's rim, lubricating it with his spit.

He divides the attention of his mouth and tongue between Gokudera's throbbing cock and his wet entrance leaving his own cock is straining for its own attention. He wants to be inside Gokudera so bad but he's torn between taking things slow and fucking him into oblivion.

As if reading his mind, Gokudera gives a warning tug and pulls Yamamoto up by his hair so that he can crush their lips together.

"Fuck me, you bastard. Fuck me  _now_ _,"_ he breathes into Yamamoto's mouth.

Yamamoto grins and eases back, propping himself up on either side of Gokudera's hips. Gokudera grips his biceps, digging his nails into the flesh as Yamamoto eases in. He keeps his legs stretched out on Yamamoto's shoulders and cries out when he snaps his hips, burying his length inside. He clutches the bed sheets and moans when Yamamoto begins to rock his pelvis in a firm and steady motion.

Yamamoto leans in and bites down on Gokudera's collarbone, kneading his teeth, leaving wet and red crescent marks on the snow white skin. He licks up to Gokudera's throat, biting down on his Adam's apple and earning a long groan when the burn in Gokudera's thighs becomes too much. Yamamoto feels the vibration through his lips and he snaps his hips again, thrusting hard and deep.

Gokudera has got to be seeing white right about now because he's slurring curses in Italian that break off every so often to be replaced by loud and alluring moans. He's digging his heels into Yamamoto's shoulder blades and his fingernails into his biceps. Yamamoto can't help but think how he looks so tantalizing right now in the way his skin glistens with sweat, his eyes are squeezed shut and his pale pink lips are parted making room for those deliciously pleasing sounds.

Yamamoto keeps pace because he knows he's got the angle right, the angle that allows the head of his cock to hit against Gokudera's prostate. He knows Gokudera can't think straight because he isn't even coherent anymore, the curses that come out of his mouth are lost in his heavy panting. He also knows that Gokudera is about to crash and so is he.

He smashes their lips together in a sloppy and frenzied kiss as he pushes into his last thrust, feeling Gokudera clench hard around his cock. Gokudera shouts out, wrapping his arms around Yamamoto's back and crushing him down as he comes all over Yamamoto's stomach and chest. Yamamoto calls out Gokudera's name as a shudder vibrates through his body and he fills Gokudera with his release.

His heart thuds against his rib cage in tandem with the man's underneath him as they greedily suck in oxygen, slicked in sweat.

"Fuck... fuck... Jesus fuck..." Gokudera murmurs against Yamamoto's shoulder.

Yamamoto lifts his head and kisses a sweaty temple. "Mm," he says breathlessly. "That was good."

" _Sorprendente_ ," Gokudera exhales, still clearly dazed and reeling from his climax.

Yamamoto can feel Gokudera's legs trembling on his shoulders so he gently shrugs them off and Gokudera winces slightly from the numbing sensation in his hamstrings as his legs fall listlessly to the bed. He pulls out slowly, kissing the crook of Gokudera's neck to distract him from any more pain and rolls over beside him.

Gokudera looks over at Yamamoto, his eyes half lidded from euphoria and exhaustion and smirks. "Didn't... you wanna go out for a run?"

Yamamoto grins widely. "Nah, I've already had my exercise for the day, I'd rather stay here and listen to Gokudera make those cute little noises," he says, laughing. 

Gokudera's eyes fly open and his face flares red. He grabs the pillow beside him and hit Yamamoto in the face with it. "You bastard," he growls. "Don't say embarrassing things like that."

Yamamoto laughs and pulls Gokudera into him, throwing the heavy comforter over them.

"Let me go, you pervert," he says but he doesn't bother to struggle.

Yamamoto rests his head on Gokudera's shoulder and drapes an arm over his hip. He holds on tightly, like he's truly afraid Gokudera might leave and not return. "No... I won't do that again."

Gokudera twines their fingers together and brings Yamamoto's arm up to his chest, where Yamamoto can feel the rapid thrumming of Gokudera's heart.

After a long silence, Yamamoto assumes Gokudera has fallen asleep and he's about to drift off himself when he hears Gokudera speak.

"I heard from the Tenth that you wanted to leave Italy," he says quietly. "Is this true?"

Yamamoto stills. He hadn't expected Tsuna to mention any of that to Gokudera. But by the tone of his voice and because he just knows Gokudera, Yamamoto can tell it isn't Italy that Gokudera is concerned with him leaving. It isn't the Family or Tsuna either. 

Yamamoto presses a kiss into Gokudera's shoulder, and when he speaks it's sure and slow, because he isn't afraid to tell Gokudera how he feels, even if he gets angry with the fact that Yamamoto would've left Tsuna and the family behind in his absence. 

"I did... when I had no idea if you were alive. When I couldn't imagine being in that world without you." He doesn't say much else because these kinds of talks always make Gokudera uncomfortable.

Gokudera rubs his thumb along Yamamoto's knuckles and doesn't say anything right away and that's okay. Yamamoto knows he's working his logical brain, calculating the words he's going to say next because he won't actually tell Yamamoto how he really feels.

"And now...?" he whispers finally, his voice wavering and Yamamoto can just feel the vulnerability Gokudera is exuding right now.

Yamamoto kisses his shoulder and neck, pressing Gokudera into him even though they're as close as they can possibly be. "I want to be with Gokudera forever."

After another long pause, Gokudera squeezes Yamamoto's hand and sighs contently.

"Forever huh... I like the sound of that."


	25. Epilogue I

 

* * *

Yamamoto Takeshi stood with a glass of champagne in his hand looking out in to the lush green vineyard beyond the extravagant courtyard he stood in.

"Paris is really a nice place, huh Takeshi?"

Yamamoto smiled. "It is, Dad. But nothing beats Japan."

Yamamoto Tsuyoshi laughed heartedly. "You've got that right. I still don't know why you wouldn't let me cater, the food here doesn't compare to the sushi I could have dished out."

"Haha, if I had sushi as good as yours every day, what excuse would I have to come back to Japan?"

"Ah, but this isn't every day, is it?"

"Aha, yeah. You've got a point there."

Tsuyoshi clapped him on the back. "Well, I've got to get back to the party. That Sawada Iemitsu thinks he can drink me under the table. He's doesn't know how well I can handle my saké!"

Yamamoto laughed. "Okay."

"Takeshi?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. You couldn't have grown into a better man."

Yamamoto smiled. "Thanks, old man."

And with that, his father left him for a drinking contest with Iemitsu Sawada. Yamamoto shook his head and hoped his dad didn't get too drunk.

His heart is swollen, his chest is puffed out and his grin stretched to his eyes. He was in good spirits and had a light buzz from the champagne.

"Yamamoto?"

Yamamoto turned slowly, he didn't want to take his eyes off the breathtaking scenery.

There stood his boss and best friend, Vongola's Decimo, Sawada Tsunayoshi. His chocolate brown irises are bright and wide and he wears a grin almost as big as Yamamoto's.

Yamamoto knows that they've been friends for thirteen years now and Tsuna still looks pretty much the same, except a little bit taller. He wonders if Kyoko will ever let Tsuna cut his unruly brown hair and has a inward chuckle at the thought.

"Hey, Tsuna!" he says cheerfully, his grin reaching bright hazel eyes.

"I just wanted to say congratulations again from Kyoko and me. You look really happy," Tsuna says with a big grin.

He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed. "Thanks, Tsuna!"

**"VROOOOOOOIIIII! BEL! YOU USELESS BRAT! THAT ALMOST TOOK OUT MY EYE!"**

Yamamoto looks over the crowd and watches his once mentor, Squalo, jump up on a table to make a grab for Belphegor's shirt after nicking him on the cheek when he threw a knife at Fran, who was now cowering behind Squalo.

"Ushishishishi. If I wanted to take out your eye, I would have. It's because I'm a prince and princes never miss."

"Oooi, Bel-senpaaai... You can't be much of a prince. Your entire life is a miss," crooned Fran. He had a bad habit of pushing Belphegor's buttons.

Bel threw another knife and it impaled the center of the steak Xanxus had lifted off his plate to inspect.

"Oi... which one of you pieces of trash... is responsible for violating my filet mignon?!" Xanxus shouted, throwing the steak at Squalo. It hit him square in the face.

**"VOOOOOIII! XANXUS, YOU BASTARD!"**

"Shut up! You're too noisy, trash!"

"Ushishishishi, I'm going to kill you now, Fran."

"Bel-senpaai, please don't threaten to kill people on such happy occasions..."

"Aaah, they're so embarrassing," Tsuna said, resting his head in his palm.

Yamamoto let out a heartfelt laugh. "Well it's not a party without the Varia."

He looked over to his left and saw Dino Cavallone with an arm draped over Hibari's shoulder, his hand holding a glass of champagne and he looked flushed and drunk. The two of them were  _laughing_ \- yes, Hibari was definitely... laughing - at something Sasagawa was saying in his usual animated voice, commenting on something being  **EXTREME!**

Yamamoto guessed Hibari didn't mind a crowd today or someone that close invading his personal space.

He glanced over at Chrome who was giggling with Haru and Kyoko and he thought that the three girls looked beautiful with their hair swept up in matching loose chignons and their matching short, red and white polka dotted summer dresses.

"Haru just loves these kinds of parties desu!"

"This one is especially fantastic. Great job on picking the venue, Haru-chan."

"Thank you, Kyoko-chan! Paris is so romantic desu!"

"And you look amazing in your dress, Chrome-chan!"

Chrome blushed. "Thank you," she said bashfully and they giggled some more.

He sees Shamal chasing Bianchi past the group of girls, stopping for a second to ogle Haru, who in turn screams her trademark "Hahi!" and slaps him in the face. Shamal laughs and takes off, pursing his lips into a smooching motion as he backs Bianchi into a corner. She threatens to poison him for as many times he's contracted an STD and then he's taken aback when Reborn steps in and wedges a gun into Shamal's ribs, narrowing his insidious obsidian eyes and grinning cunningly like a Cheshire cat.

His aura has always made Yamamoto shudder and something told him Reborn had his own dark passenger way more menacing than his ever was.

Shamal laughed nervously and raised his hands in defense, scurrying towards the open bar.

"Awh jeez. Things seem to be getting out of hand," Tsuna said worriedly, his voice wavering with a comical uncertainty.

"No one seems to mind, haha," Yamamoto said, slapping a hand down on Tsuna's shoulder. "The boss should just relax for the day. Today is a day about family uniting and it wouldn't be right if it wasn't crazy."

Tsuna looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah, you're right."

And Yamamoto truly felt that way. He couldn't think of a better family or friends to protect and to have surrounding him, letting each of them light their own part of him, like different colours of a rainbow.

And finally his eyes rested on the most beautiful man he's ever seen, inside and out. The biggest and brightest light that filled the up all the space in his heart.

He could feel his heart swell so big it threatened to explode and the grin stretched out on his face so wide it hurt.

He was dressed in a tight knit, tailored Canali suit in white, with a crisp black Hugo Boss dress shirt under the jacket, white tie and a red rose pinned to his lapel. His ivory skin radiated in the sunlight, almost as bright as his smile. His lustrous silver hair had grown back to it's full length, falling down in layers around his structured jaw and shoulders. A few loose strands whisped over his glowing sea green eyes. He wore the chain missing it's ring, but Yamamoto didn't mind because the  _only_  ring Hayato wore today was a gleaming platinum band on his left ring finger, engraved with the names of two lovers and a promise of forever.

Gokudera was arguing, of course, with eighteen year old Lambo, who had been sneaking champagne for himself and I-Pin.

Watching them now he realized that even though Lambo had matured quite a bit and was pretty laid back, when he got passionate about something his temper flared just like Gokudera's, getting red in the face, issuing idle threats and calling names and pouting when he didn't get his way. But they'd swear they were nothing alike.

Lambo looked up to all of his Guardians for shaping him into the man he had become. Yamamoto knew he held Tsuna and Gokudera in his highest regards, even if Yamamoto caught him occasionally cursing "Aho-Dera" after a tutoring lesson in mathematics or "Dame-Tsuna" when Tsuna refused to let him have his way.

And of course, there were I-Pin and Fūta de la Stella, who were his best friends and currently trying to interject in the fight between the other two.

Yamamoto knew Gokudera would never admit it but he loved Lambo like a little brother. His thoughts were validated when Gokudera threw his head back and let out a heart melting laugh. He slung an arm around his shoulder and put Lambo in a playful headlock, proceeding to tease him some more with a mischievous grin.

He's never loved anyone so much in his life and it was getting harder to contain the ever growing swelling of his happiness, expanding like a balloon underneath his ribcage and through his chest.

Yamamoto took a sip of his champagne to hide the stupid smile he knew he had plastered all over his face.

"Gokudera looks really happy too," Tsuna commented with a grin now as wide as Yamamoto's.

"Ah... he does. I guess weddings do that to people."


	26. Epilogue II

 

* * *

Yamamoto leans on the doorframe separating the en suite bathroom from their bedroom. He watches Gokudera seated at desk, scratching his head as he writes something down and he shakes his own head.

 _Such a workaholic,_ Yamamoto thinks with a chuckle not loud enough for Gokudera to hear.

He tiptoes towards Gokudera, reaching his chair in a few strides. He leans in and wraps his fingers around a few locks of Gokudera's hair and pulls them away from his neck. He presses his lips to the porcelain skin and smiles when he feels the shiver running through Gokudera.

"Even on our honeymoon Gokudera would rather work?"

Gokudera reaches behind him, cupping the back of Yamamoto's head in his hand and curls his fingers in Yamamoto's soft black hair. He turns his head and smirks. "Well, I can't leave all this paper work for you to do. It'll never get done."

Yamamoto has a healthy buzz on from the champagne and being this close to Gokudera when he's sitting at a desk with glasses on, dress shirt unbuttoned and smelling as delicious as he does is a dangerous combination.

Yamamoto runs his hand down Gokudera's chest, tracing his fingertips along his beveled obliques.

"I've got something for you to work on," he purrs in Gokudera's ear, then nips at his earlobe and kisses behind his ear. Gokudera's flesh bumps under his lips.

"Che... always saying such perverted things like that. You've spent too much time around that senile doctor, idiot," Gokudera says softly through his grin.

"Maybe so... But, Gokudera likes it anyways, ne?" He kisses around the nape of Gokudera's neck, pulling the collar of his dress shirt down and kissed between his shoulder blades. He breathes heatedly against his shivering flesh, kissing his way back up to Gokudera's shoulders and he's rewarded with a long and shaky exhale.

"Won't you come to bed?" Yamamoto asks, standing to his full height. He moves between Gokudera and the desk and stations his legs on either side of the chair he sits in.

Gokudera composes himself, clears his throat and takes off his glasses. He moves forward to place them on the desk, teasingly brushing his hand across Yamamoto's crotch.

"It depends, will it be worth all the paperwork I'll have to do in the morning?" he asks with a smirk and cocked silver brow, leaning back in his chair and placing his hands on the back of his head.

Yamamoto's eyes spark with a dark predatory hunger. He raises an eyebrow and pulls at his shirt collar, runs his fingers down the buttons and stops at the hemline. He curls a finger underneath the fabric and slowly raises the shirt up his abdomen and over his chiseled stomach, moving his other hand slowly up his chest.

He stares down at Gokudera who's staring at Yamamoto's stomach, biting the corner of his bottom lip.

He lets the shirt fall and shifts his hips forward a little and plays with the buckle on his belt.

"Well," he says, " _I_  think it will be, but if you'd rather be working, I guess I'll have entertain myself. Ma, feel free to watch if you'd like."

Gokudera's mouth opens to say something but no sound comes out.

Yamamoto makes his way to the bed, his back purposely turned to Gokudera but he knows that Gokudera's eyes have followed him.

He unbuttons his dress shirt and lets it slip off his shoulders. He unbuckles his belt, unbuttons the clasp to his slacks and pulls them down.

Clad only in his boxers he crawls on to the bed and turns to face Gokudera, leaning on the pillowed headboard.

Gokudera is watching him intently, his lips slightly parted and his eyes gleam with anticipation.

Yamamoto smirks and traces a line from his sternum to his navel and spreads his long legs. He rubs his growing erection through the cotton fabric of his boxers, holding the bomber's gaze.

When he's completely stiff, which doesn't take long, he slides his hand underneath the waistband and wraps his long fingers around his own dick. He flicks his wrist, turning and tugging gently.

Gokudera's watches Yamamoto with bated breath, his pupils blown wide and now his deep green irises sparkle with arousal.

Yamamoto grinned mischievously. He knew he'd get his point across eventually.

He continued to slowly stroke and tug, never taking his eyes off Gokudera.

Gokudera blinks, breaking free from his daze and stands. He shrugs off his shirt, exposing his tantalizing pale skin, protuberant collar bone and the sharp planes in his stomach. The dress pants he wore had no belt and they rode obscenely low on his jutted, angular hips. So low that Yamamoto could already see a trim of fine hair above the waistline of his pants.

He sashays towards the bed, switching his hips and biting down on his lip. He wears a sexy and smug grin as he stands at the foot of the bed, licking his lips and if Yamamoto could get any harder, now would have been the time.

Gokudera slips his dress pants off his hips and lets them slide fluidly over his smooth skin. Yamamoto isn't surprised he's not wearing anything underneath. He's flushed red and erect and Yamamoto is delighted.

He crawls on to the bed in the same manner Yamamoto did, moving swiftly in between his legs.

He braced his arms on either side of Yamamoto and pressed his mouth to his Adam's apple and down his neck, feeling the vibration of Yamamoto's rapid pulse through his lips.

Yamamoto moves to slide his hand from his boxers when Gokudera grabs his wrist.

"Don't stop," he whispers against Yamamoto's neck and he kissed down to Yamamoto's pecks, taking a hard nipple into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the bud.

Yamamoto gasps a little moan and runs his free hand through silver tresses but he doesn't stop.

Gokudera kisses down his chest to his navel and hooks two fingers into Yamamoto's boxers, pulling them down far enough to wrap his lips around the tip of Yamamoto's erection. He dips his tongue into the slit and pulls his mouth away, looking up at Yamamoto and then doing it again.

" _Aah, Goku..._ "

Yamamoto continues to pump while Gokudera teases, never bringing his mouth or tongue further than the tip. Yamamoto tries to shift his hips forward and use the grip he has on Gokudera's hair to ease inside Gokudera's hot and inviting mouth but Gokudera sets an arm down over his abdomen and puts some weight on it, keeping Yamamoto's pelvis stationary.

He slides the tip of his tongue down Yamamoto's shaft and then hooks his arms under Yamamoto's legs, pulling him down so that he's flat on his back. He moves back on the bed, tugging off Yamamoto's boxers and palms the sides of his knees, pushing them further apart. He licks another tentative stripe down Yamamoto's shaft to his crease and follows the path of his tongue with his fingertip.

He uses his tongue and his finger to tease Yamamoto's entrance, making Yamamoto squirm and moan, using the rolling his hips as a plea for some kind of penetration while increasing the speed of the tug and pull on his cock. He's lost in a world of pleasant lust, marital bliss and sheer elation, abandoning the senses not needed in this moment.

Gokudera pushes the tip of his finger in and curls his tongue around it, using the tip of his tongue to probe gently alongside his index finger, which he's now slid in to it's second knuckle. He crooks the finger to stroke Yamamoto's prostate slow and slides another finger in, stretching him out to make room for his tongue. He delves in, curling his tongue to stroke Yamamoto's warm walls.

" _H-Hayato!_ "

Yamamoto feels the heat rise inside him, he can feel the pressure building and he's a little perturbed that he allowed Gokudera to render him useless and ready to come before he wanted to but he swears he'll get revenge.

Gokudera lifts his head, grabs Yamamoto's cock and squeezes, licking his lips. He shifts himself upwards so that his cock is lined up with Yamamoto's ass.

"Not yet," he grins devilishly and swats Yamamoto's hand off his dick.

It takes Yamamoto a second to register and come back from the brink of his near climax to realize what Gokudera plans to do. His eyes widen a little and he jolts up and forward and grabs fistfuls of Gokudera's hair, leaning back and pulling Gokudera down on top of him. He wasn't going to let Gokudera have his way with him, it's not their usual dynamic.

"Aha, I see what you're trying to do. You almost had me there," he says coyly and tries to turn them over so that he's on top.

Gokudera doesn't budge and he pushes Yamamoto back down on the bed and cages him between his arms. He leans in and attacks Yamamoto's neck with his teeth, licking up to his jaw and whispering, "I'm not done yet," arrogantly in his ear.

The words send an electric ripple down Yamamoto's spine. Gokudera's hot, heavy breath and wet muscle lapping at his neck are enough to make his entire body tingle.

As much as he's turned on by a pliant and docile Gokudera, the dominant and demanding Gokudera makes him feel nostalgically sixteen again, when Gokudera called all the shots and it excites him, forgetting the power struggle for a minute.

Gokudera kisses around to his mouth, slipping his tongue inside and coaxing Yamamoto's out into his, where he wrapped his lips around and sucked. He grinds against Yamamoto's ass, his hard cock brushing against his crease.

Yamamoto groans impatiently into Gokudera's mouth and digs his fingernails into his pale mounds.

Gokudera trades the kiss off for oxygen, huffing and grinding harder against Yamamoto but not penetrating and buries his face into the crook of Yamamoto's shoulder, licking the sweat salty flesh and biting down on the end of his collar bone.

Yamamoto has his fingers dug into Gokudera's cheeks, rocking him forward and his cock drags across Gokudera's belly. The additional arousal from it threatens to send him over the edge again.

At this point he doesn't care who's topping, it doesn't matter because he wants Gokudera to feel equal, that he loves him more than anything.

And right now  _he_  really wants to feel Gokudera inside of him.

So Yamamoto relinquishes control, he lets it go and allows Gokudera to take over.

"Do it," he pants in Gokudera's ear. He can feel his legs trembling and his impending crash and he can't take it anymore. " _I want you to fuck me_ _._ "

Gokudera stops his ministrations, braces himself up on one arm and peers down at Yamamoto with that same predatory hunger reflected in his eyes just moments before. He grins smugly, pleased that he's got what he wanted.

"Oh ho... what a dirty mouth, Takeshi," he croons and meshes their lips together in a rough and hardly chaste kiss.

Yamamoto wraps his hand around Gokudera's shaft and guides him in slow, feeling the intense pressure and relishing the pleasurable burn. Gokudera pushes in and then grips Yamamoto's shoulder, using it to brace himself while he hilts. He's not that gentle, but Gokudera never is.

Yamamoto hisses from the pain but it's quickly forgotten when Gokudera presses his lips to Yamamoto's and moans into his open mouth and tells him that he feels  _so good._

He drapes his long legs over Gokudera's bony shoulders and uses the heels of his feet to bring Gokudera closer, despite the pull on his hamstrings. He wants to set the pace but Gokudera doesn't allow it. He slides Yamamoto's legs off his shoulders and spreads them apart, pushing one hand down into the mattress beside Yamamoto's hip and the other gripping Yamamoto's inner thigh.

Gokudera thrusts in hard, earning a surprised cry from Yamamoto but the cries soon turn into hisses and moans that become in sync with Gokudera's gravelly goans.

He opens his eyes that had been squeezed shut in pain up till now, and marvels Gokudera's pure, captivating and never changing beauty.

His brow is sheen with sweat and his eyes are filled with lustful determination, locking right onto Yamamoto's eyes and holding his gaze. His gleaming silver hair sticks to his neck and some locks fall to frame his face, swaying in rhythm with his thrusts. Yamamoto thinks it's the sexiest thing he's ever seen.

Yamamoto has a white and bloodless grip on the bed sheets and rocks his pelvis down into Gokudera's thrusts, using his other hand to stroke himself.

Gokudera growls. " _Aa_ _h fuck_ _..._  " His voice comes out low and husky. " _Fuck Takeshi!"_

He angles his hips just so and hits Yamamoto's prostate with each thrust, causing Yamamoto to see flashes of blinding white light and feel the coil of his climax come undone. He shouts out Gokudera's name, curling his toes and clenching his muscle hard around Gokudera's cock. His come sprays Gokudera's chest and some splatters his own and Gokudera's neck and chin.

Gokudera moves in hard with one final thrust and rests his head in the space between Yamamoto's neck and shoulder, moaning a resounding " _ **Fuck!**_  "against Yamamoto's heat flushed skin as his own release fills Yamamoto.

" _Fuck Takeshi..."_ he whispers breathlessly, collapsing onto his chest in between Yamamoto's splayed legs and Yamamoto brings his arms up to wrap around Gokudera's back.

Their chests heave, desperate for oxygen, their skin is hot and sticky and their bodies vibrate with the aftershock of orgasmic bliss.

Gokudera brings his head up to press his warm lips against Yamamoto's and whispers "I love you, idiot" through a smile.

Yamamoto tilts his head back and looks into Gokudera's eyes. He tucks a lock of hair behind his ear and smiles back. "I've always loved you, Gokudera Hayato."

Gokudera's pale pink cheeks, still flushed with warmth, gain a vermilion tinge and he looks away, the smile still playing on his lips.

"Che, you're always so sappy."

Gokudera pulls out of Yamamoto slowly and falls on to the mattress beside him where Yamamoto turns on his side and pulls him in as close and as tight as he can, trapping Gokudera's legs in between his.

"Mm, I guess it was worth it then?" he asks playfully.

Gokudera scoffs and grinds his knee against Yamamoto's crotch.

"Don't talk anymore," he says and leans in for another kiss.

* * *

Long after they made love for the second time and Gokudera has fallen asleep, Yamamoto lays on his back, staring up at the swirled stucco ceiling, barely breathing so that he can listen to Gokudera's heart beat and his slow, steady breaths.

He's elated and should be sleeping, the warm body curled in and around his like a cat's is inviting enough, but he wants to live in this interval of seemingly stilled time just a little longer before he closes his eyes.

Yamamoto has dreamt of this moment several times before and it's turned out perfectly in every way. Maybe even better because it's actually tangible.

He's dreamt that he and Gokudera are together, so open and free and in love. He's dreamt that Gokudera is safe and warm in his arms, forever his, tethered by not just a piece of paper and a ring on their fingers but by their bodies and souls.

He's dreamt that he's happy and the darkness inside him has taken a permanent backseat to Gokudera's light that fills him in every crevice of his being.

And most of these dreams he's been dreaming of since he was a teenager, when he first crushed on the fair skinned, chain smoking bad boy with a crass mouth and defiant eyes that didn't love anyone or anything save for Tsuna and dynamite.

He knows now that dreams can come true, as many of his have. He realizes that dreams are what you make of them, they can be changed or perfected and that in the end, not all premonitions are bad ones.

At least not this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, had to make this 5980 because that's actually my TRUE OTP. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and I hope you enjoyed this! x

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always kindly appreciated. Thank you for reading!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Learning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3804820) by [RubyFiamma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyFiamma/pseuds/RubyFiamma)
  * [Mornings Aren't Your Strongest Suit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561855) by [RubyFiamma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyFiamma/pseuds/RubyFiamma)
  * [Mornings Aren't Your Strongest Suit](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2561855) by [RubyFiamma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RubyFiamma/pseuds/RubyFiamma)




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